Indigo is a Bottom!

10 out of 10 (for me, anyway)
Pairs nicely with a daiquiri. It’s sweet, smooth, and most of the time, it’s fruity.
Last week, I had sex with a new partner, and this interaction turned out to be really good for me, for a lot of reasons. You can read about the fun times I had, but right now I want to focus on one of the main thoughts that I pulled from this from this interaction, which was a simple sentence: “Reciprocity is subjective.”
Now, my companion said this the in the morning morning as we cuddled and chatted about the sex the night before. He complimented the noises I made, and my giggle, and how hot it was when I squirted. Of course, I giggled though this and was elated at the positive attention. I mentioned that I get extremely wrapped up in my own body and sensations, which makes me less like to reciprocate actions. Usually, you don’t want something in my mouth while I’m being pleasured because I lose focus. 69 is…not the best sex act for me to perform, honestly.
And then he dropped that bit of wisdom, and if I had been more awake, or less in post-morning-orgasm-bliss, I would have talked a lot about how that exact line affected me. Honestly, maybe it’s a good thing because he would have kicked me out for all my chatting at 5 AM. Because in all honesty, it revolutionized how I think about sex, and specifically my style of sex.
Since I’ve been having sex, I’ve been primarily a bottom. One ex has even described be as a “power bottom.” I don’t disagree with this statement. I have something weird with my sense of touch. Sometimes, the sensations I feel take over whatever I’m doing and I lost all autonomy. I very often don’t know what to do with myself during an orgasm, which has in the past ended in me chewing up shirt collars, sheets, pillows, or partners. I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not sure my partners would want to hear that. I’ve always experienced tactile sensations this way; they permeate my being. I touch things that I like to look at to make sure they feel as good as they look. I feel pain from where it happens to all over my body. This makes me good at communicating what I like, though I can’t always make my mouth work fast enough once the sex starts. It makes me good at edging myself. It makes me a great receiver for pain, pleasure, and every sensation between or around those.
However, when my partner described me as a power bottom, I was worried this title meant it such that I never fulfill others’ needs in the bedroom. I am consistently worried about being a good service submissive, and making sure my Doms or Daddies are happy. To be called a power bottom unraveled everything I thought of myself. I think I’ve honestly struggled with this particular statement for years.
So what do I offer in bed? Well, I’ve been told I’m good. I even wrote a post about how good I am. But I always have a doubt in the back of my mind that it’s all beautiful lies. Perhaps all my partners just say I’m good to placate me. Perhaps they all fake their orgasms. Though I enjoy giving and I do perform many physical acts with (and for) my partners, I do often remember the times that I have received acts more clearly. Those are the moments that I really focus on when I’m writing erotica or masturbating. Because those are the acts that linger in my memories, does that mean that receiving is all I do? Does it mean that my partners are left to please themselves after I’m finished with them?
Well no, and all of those thoughts are wrapped up in a complex guilt issue that I have, which is the result of years of verbal and emotional abuse. I’m constantly seeking affirmation, and now I think I can finally give that to myself. Because reciprocity is subjective. So receiving a fist, or a tongue is my way of giving. I can give someone an excellent and fulfilling time by having orgasm after orgasm. As long as that is what they want. On top of all the acts that I love being on the receiving end of, I can still talk to partners and listen to their wants and needs. I can give more blow jobs, or hand jobs. I can dirty talk more. If I don’t focus on giving a physical act naturally, that doesn’t mean I can’t change my focus. If I’m going to learn how my partner wants to be shown pleasure, I can also learn how to give them pleasure.
When someone has sex with me and decides they want to do so again, it means they enjoy what I offer. There is not a tangible or quantifiable way to measure reciprocity. My form of giving back in energy and reaction, is the same as someone giving back in blow jobs. I can now fully believe that I do “reciprocate” in sex I have. This revelation is proof that I need to be a slut more often and sleep with cool people who say cool things.

Indigo goes to Woodhull 2017

12 out of 10, because fuck da police. I do what I want.
Pairs well with WATER. BECAUSE IT’S CLEANSING AS HELL.
This year, I was presented with the opportunity to volunteer at Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, which is hosted by the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. I was thrilled to have this opportunity not only because I’m an aspiring sex therapist and blogger, but also because I am a sex enthusiast. I heard about the summit from Epiphora’s site originally, and I was like “That sounds cool! I’ll go if I can swing it!” Who knew it would happen so soon?
I wish I could explain how it felt walking in. Instead, I’ll have to explain the actual events. When I walked up to the desk, someone asked my name so I could collect my badge.
“I’m Indigo.”
And a lovely woman standing at the desk turned around and said “Indigo! I’m Luna from Ninjasexology! Let’s go to the blogger lounge!” And so it was that I was swept away and meeting people that I’d only seen (and admired greatly) on Twitter. After meeting so many amazing folks all at once, I was fairly overwhelmed, but it was only the first day and I had a Meet’n’Greet to help with.
Since it was being hosted by Lilly (of Dangerous Lilly) and Suz (of Red Hot Suz), I got to meet them too! I thought I would meet these folks in a year or more of blogging, and I certainly never thought they would know my name after one day. But here we are now, and I’m friends with these amazing folks, and I didn’t fangirl once. Or more than once, anyway.
Since I wasn’t staying in the hotel, I had to drive home every night. Looking back, I realize now that it was good for me to have that this time. I felt that this drive centered me every night. I could call my love and tell him what I did, and really hash over all my emotions. It was very nice. Also, if I didn’t physically leave, I probably would have stayed up all night talking to these humans who are as enthusiatic (if not more so) about sex as me!
On Friday, my highlight was definitely watching the Blog Squad destroy a terrible panel on sex toy safety, which Ruby posted about later that week! I was a little burned out after a cool panel on making a sex conference and socializing, so I watched the Blog Squad through twitter and I cheered at every vicious tweet!
Somewhere in there, I heard about #fistmas, and planned to attend. Alas, I was very tired and went home early instead. However, I heard that my good friend Sugar was thoroughly satisfied, and I am DELIGHTED for them.
Saturday proved one of the most amazing days for me. I volunteered early on for a talk from Ducky Doolittle about the sexual health of foster kids, and I expected it to be really good, but I did not expect for it to light a fire under my ass and want to work as hard as possible on the next stage of my career. Ducky’s talk was not only eye-opening, but it was encouraging and educating. I learned a lot of facts that I didn’t know before and the way she presented them was in a way that told me exactly how I can help. As someone who pursues their career specifically to help others, this is the best way to impart information. I tweeted out so many good quotes from this. (Please ignore my typos. You still can’t edit tweets…)
After this talk, I was a little drained, and instead of being productive, I colored a lot! It was a much-needed rest from the hard thinking and truth-bombs of the morning. After I was done coloring, I did a puzzle and Suz helped!
And then it was suddenly time for another volunteer shift, which was nice for socializing, but not necessarily worth writing about. So I’ll fast forward to Spanks-giving!
Much like we had Fistmas on Friday, I decided that this party should be named Spanksgiving in honor of out lovely holiday theme for names. In this party, I was hit by two folks that I do not have a romantic relationship with. That was a first for me. In the past, kink has been tied to sex by nature. However, in my current monogamish relationship, I am allowed to have some kink scenes outside of our bedroom. It was eye-opening to be dommed by folks who are so experienced, and bred trust so easily with me. I have much exchanging of information to do with boyfriend so that I can bring new things in to our dynamic and I’m really excited. We are still budding in our dynamics and relationship, and I’m excited to find more with my long-term partner.
Sunday was definitely the hardest of the days. Most folx left early, but I got to say goodbye to almost everyone. It was so great to watch all these people kissing and making out as a farewell. The openness of humans never ceases to amaze me. I’m so closed off and I don’t trust easily, so I adore it when other folx are open and loving. I could go on for ages about this, so let me just do a quick wrap up instead.
Woodhull was amazing for one main reason: Everyone there was so open and welcoming. I don’t think I’ve ever made friends in a group faster than the bloggers at Woodhull. And not just folx I’ve interacted with like Taryn, Bex, and Epiphora. I made contacts with folx that barely knew I existed like Carly, Emmeline, and Luna! (No offense, friends. I don’t get out much, which is why I didn’t know you existed.)
Next year, I hope to return to Woodhull and stay in the hotel. I want to connect with folx in a deeper way and really make some new friendships. I also hope to get some sponsorship so that I can really live it up and party more (Hey companies, hit me up next time).
If you went to Woodhull this year and wanted to connect more, let me know! I’m on Twitter all year long! Did you have a good story I missed?