Indigo Explores Fantasies

10 out of 10

Pairs nicely with top shelf vodka. It can be added to anything to create some extra fun, with no extra flavor unless you want it.

Recently, I’ve been caught up in Fantasies. Not just daydreams about having enough money to pay my bills. I mean sexual fantasies. I haven’t had access to my usual partners for a long time now, and fantasies are the only way I can release my sexual needs. In addition to that coping, I have been working on some fantasy-themed erotica recently, which really fueled my focus on dragon dicks and swords.

Fantasies are a huge part of sexuality for many people. When I work with couples, I often have them share their fantasies with each other to help spark some conversation. When I am on a date for the first time, it’s common for both myself and my potential partner to share fantasies. It not only speaks to our compatibility, but it also can spark some heavy petting. I even know a few people who require fantasies in their sex lives in order to climax. All of these are really great ways to use fantasies. And that list isn’t comprehensive in any sense!

The one thing that I always struggle with is how to incorporate fantasies into a physical space. It’s easy to get off while thinking about being pounded by multiple dicks. However, what can you do if all you have is one partner? What can you do if you have no factory-installed dicks? What if you can’t penetrate your partner for whatever reason?

Well there are some amazing products out there that can help with any of these situations! I exercised my brain to come up with easy solutions for these problems! Then I decided to sit and think some more, and I came up with even more ways to fulfill fantasies using toys!

Dildos are a great way to solve a few of these problems. If you need an extra dick on hand, there’s a dildo that will probably fit. The realistic ones are amazing if you need something that is visually compelling. Something with a suction cup base can be attached to a wall or a floor, leaving hands free for other activities. Personally, I’ve used dildos for duel penetration on a couple of occasions. I have even paired them with my partner’s penis for an extra stretch in my vagina.

If you’re looking for some gender altering, there are harnesses that can be paired with dildos to help give you or your partner good gender feels. I have experienced receiving a blow job with a strapless strap on, which was an amazing experience. Because there is a section of the toy inserted into whoever uses it, you can stimulate their hole by pulling the dildo (with your mouth or a hand), which felt amazing for me! Your mileage may vary of course, but I would recommend it for a fun try. If you find these are unstable once inserted, don’t be afraid to slip a harness over it just to help keep it stable in use.

What if you can’t penetrate or be penetrated by your partner? Using a stroker or masturbator while your partner watches, helps or positions themselves close can be a ton of fun. In the past I’ve laid a stroker on my back, just above my ass. It allowed my partner to visualize fucking me without actually penetrating me. However, with something short enough, it’s also possible to use it as a aid. It gives the feeling of being deep throated without actually straining anyone’s throat.

My personal favorite fantasy is getting fucked in the cunt while someone rims me. I am aware that I have a lot of butt, and achieving that would require a tricky angle to say the least. Also, having more than one partner present at a time can be hard to work out! There is one main toy to help me create a close facsimile of this fantasy. The BVibe Rimming plug. It is small enough that it doesn’t need to be angled specifically and I can even use it while lying down if my legs have decided to cramp that day.

Sometimes, toys need to be controlled by the person being penetrated! That means their hands aren’t free. This is where extra toys can come in handy! Vibrators that can be worn or controlled via remote, free hands for dildos or other exciting activities. And if you’re looking for a bit more stimulation in general, I’ve seen some people who use a vibe in each hand to fulfill a fantasy. For those times when you both want to orgasm, you can use a vibe that is strong enough to get off two people at once!

And of course, there are toys which help truly fantastical ideas come to life. Tentacled monsters and unicorns may not be found in the wild (yet), but they are extremely common in fantasies. There are a plenty of toys that feature high-fantasy creatures. These can be used in harnesses, with hands, next to factory-installed penises, and probably a myriad of ways I haven’t thought of.

Toys that augment or add to penises, or create a role play which involves some beautiful monsters. There are sleeves, which are easy to wear and use (and still feel amazing). These can lengthen or wide a penis. I know this can injure the pride of some people, but it doesn’t need to. It’s just another way to enjoy a sexual interaction. Besides, why would you deny your partner something that feels good?

All of these fantasies revolve around people and things being hard to position. However, there are other important reasons someone might need a fantasy. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention issues around sexual trauma, or general discomfort with genitalia. Sometimes, having a realistic dildo doesn’t work for people. That’s really valid. For those folks, there are non-realistic dildos. These toys can help those who don’t like genitalia continue to access their sexual well-being!

As you can see, there are a million and one ways to fulfill fantasies. Sometimes, those ways involve other people, or more people. But sometimes, those ways can be as easy as one more toy in the bedroom. This list is not comprehensive in any way. If I’ve forgotten to include your favorite fantasy, let me know!

This post was sponsored by the wonderful folks at Betty’s Toybox. Thank you folks for letting me work my brain to create some truly fun ideas with sex toys!

Indigo Tries the Fantasy Uncut from Addiction

8 out of 10

Pairs nicely with a Screwdriver. It is a typical introduction drink for someone who wants to enjoy hard liquor but doesn’t know exactly what they like.

The Fantasy Uncut from Addition is sitting on a flagstone floor with a flag behind it. There's a welsh dragon on the flag. The toy is bright pink with some ridges down the shaft and a small head that mimics an uncircumcised penis, but if it was possibly part lizard.

This toy was sent to me by my friends at Betty’s Toybox. It can be purchased here in pink or here in black for about $33 (USD) at time of posting.

For some reason, I have been obsessed with fantasy toys and associated fantasies recently. I have be craving dragon dildos and tentacles in my cunt. I can only attribute this to my recent jaunt into a Dungeons and Dragons game, which has been a ton of fun, and inspired some erotica that is still in the works.

That obsession is what led me to request this dildo, though it is not something I would normally ask for. From the bright-ass pink color, to the soft silicone, it’s not really an Indigo-coveted item. However, because I’ve been looking for a model for some erotica that has been almost a year in the writing, I was actually excited to have this dildo. I was hoping that it would feel amazing, and I could picture it when I was writing a specific character. I think my excitement was also strong because I feel some of the toys I’ve been reviewing recently are somewhat simple (with notable exceptions). They have been bullets, or smooth dildos. This toy offered something that I have been missing: texture.

As I said, I was on the fence about this color when I requested the toy. When I was searching for toys to request, I saw the bright pink and almost skipped it. However, I have to admit that something about a bright pink dragon dick became alluring as I thought about it. I almost built a little character into it. I imagine this is the dick that some girl dragon has. It expresses her femininity and love of her own body. She is proud to have such a cute little appendage to fuck with. And it’s bright pink! When I attributed some character to it, I was actually pleased with the color. I expect that other people will ignore that part of this review. After all, I typically don’t enjoy personifying my toys. However, I think that it was worth mentioning because there are just some instances where toys want personality in order to be enjoyed. And honestly, I probably would have enjoyed this toy regardless of that little fantasy. However, I enjoy it more for the over-active imagination I poured into it.

Since the aesthetic of this toy was more important to me than the size, I didn’t pay much attention to the width and girth of the toy. However, I was pleasantly surprised when it arrived. Though it’s easy for me, as size royalty to take, it does still provide some girth at 1.75″ in diameter. This is a strong selling point for me. I prefer dildos to have some kick in terms of girth, but accessible to other people. Something 2.5-3″ in diameter is nice for me, but isn’t nice for others. Additionally, the length is easy to take as well, at only 5.5″ to insert. It’s truly an unassuming dildo that way. The addition of testicles means that this toy fits comfortably and sits stable in a harness. This opens the door for a lot of fantasy play and other role play.

The feel of the silicone is also an important note for this toy. That texture could make it difficult for some folks to enjoy. However, the silicone has a lot of give to it. Because of that, it’s really easy to handle. When I used it, I could tell it was textured, but I couldn’t really tell what type of texture it had. If you hate texture, this isn’t the toy for you, but if you sometimes enjoy texture, it’s definitely worth giving it a try.

In a world with giant fantasy dicks, it can be intimidating to purchase something that is big. Companies like Bad Dragon really show off their giant dildos and never really focus on the small ones. I have seen many of those displayed. It’s either a point of pride to own something that large, or to take something that large. In that type of world, this toy feels especially important. It’s an accessible price range for a pure silicone toy, that can be used to explore more fantasy toys and play, without having to be a size lover.

When I use this toy, it doesn’t set off fireworks. I find it to be average in size and texture. It’s easy to clean in spite of the texture because it’s so soft. I have a lot of fantasies about this toy in terms of aesthetic. I can absolutely see myself using it in a harness if I wanted a blow job. I would love to wear it with some of my renaissance garb and really lean into the Dungeons and Dragons aesthetic. In reality, I really can judge this toy by it’s appearance.

Overall, I find this toy to be serviceable. I was won over by the aesthetic, but as I wrote this post, I began to realize just how nice this toy is. It is a middle of the road option between a plain, non-phallic dildo and something like a Bad Dragon toy. And I mean that in terms of feeling, size, use and price.

This toy was sent to me by my friends at Betty’s Toybox. It can be purchased here for about $33 (USD) at time of posting.

Indigo Tries The Realm by Blush

10 out of 10

Pairs nicely with a nice Mead. It’s sweet and it is amazing to look at. It also comes with a very specific type of feeling. Period.

The Realm handle is attached to the Draken attachment. It looks like a sword with a golden hilt, and the "blade" section is a navy blue dildo with a lot of bumps and ridges. They sit on a rock with a realistic attachment next to them. In the rock is a fake sword, which mimics the idea of the Sword in the Stone.

This toy was sent to me very kindly by my friends at Shevibe. You can find the handle here, the dildo attachments in Draken, 7 inches, 7.5 inches, and 8 inches.

My dearest readers. Never has there been a toy that is so suited to my aesthetic so perfectly. This toy (or set of toys) is in the shape of a dildo sword. You heard me right, it is in fact a sword that is a dildo. It’s perfect for Dungeons and Dragons hi-jinks. It’s made for murder in the Shakespearean sense. It is a hilarious gag to share with my renaissance friends.

As soon as the release for the Realm series was announced, I jumped on the opportunity. I tweeted loudly about it, and it paid off. (Perhaps the pen isn’t mightier than the sword, but it is at least as mighty.) About a month before finals, I was sent this toy as a special offer from the amazing folks at Shevibe. I was so excited for this toy that I brought it out the next time my partner was over. I showed it off with a lot of enthusiasm. We laughed about it, and made strong plans to use it in the very near future.

Then, the semester took a left turn. My life became hectic. My relationship became strained. I would look at these toys, and I would sigh, wishing I had the energy to test them. I would feel guilty about the testing going so slowly. I would glance over the nooks an crannies, and then move to the next toy. It would be a hassle to clean. It wouldn’t be worth getting out the two items (dildo and handle).

So this beautiful, amazing sword sat in the corner of my room, glaring at me, making me feel guilty. I kept telling myself to test it before I went on the road. I knew it would be even more work when I was living in my car, or in a tent. Alas, even my own guilt trip did nothing to move along the testing, and suddenly, it was time to leave. I gathered the handle and attachable dildos to bring along. I was fairly convinced I would have a hard time using them.

Reader, I am glad to say I was wrong. Within 72 hours of leaving home, I was in the middle of a threesome. I didn’t bring so many dildos to choose from, and this one featured a handle, so I decided that someone else would get to have the inaugural use of this toy. Thanks to that decision, it really became clear to me why this toy is incredibly useful, as well as visually striking. I began to use this on one of the folks involved. The second-person use, and the giant handle meant that there was plenty of thrusting leverage on another person. Not only was thrusting easier in general, but it provided several angles for my arm to sit at so I could have approached this from a few angles.

It was about the 10 minute mark that I realized my arm was going a little numb. The repetitive motion of fucking someone for a solid 10 minutes caught up with me. I switched hands for awhile. It was a little harder to get the right angles with my non-dominant left hand. But it has more strength, so I could keep the motion going for a longer time. I have rarely had so much fun fucking someone, I have to be honest. After pulling the sword from the hoe (instead of the stone, get it?), I was delighted to have a new favorite sex party toy.

The handle for this dildo sword is made out of a plastic that fits the look of a sword hilt perfectly. The dildos are separate pieces made from silicone. There are three options for realistic dildos (7 inches, 7.5 inches and 8 inches), if that is what you want. However, there is also one option for a dragon-style (read: non-realistic) dildo, called the Draken. I of course opted for the dragon one immediately (and then chose between the realistic ones based on size). I found that the Draken matched the aesthetic of the hilt in a way the realistic dildos did not. Don’t get me wrong. The realistic options fit well on the hilt, and provide something really great. But for me, there is something jarring about a dick just…attached to a golden hilt. Besides, I find the Draken to be incredibly fun both as a concept and as a toy. It’s my usual choice of dildo to use with the handle, but I like having the realistic one to choose when I need something visually stimulating to fuck with.

These dildo options (or dildoptions, if you will) attach to the sword through some patented vac-u-lock magic. In fact, the attachments are so strong, they recommend using lube or corn starch in the attachment to ensure they come apart. Reader, please listen to this recommendation. I did not make the mistake of ignoring this. However, I have used this connection with lube, I still have to pull a good bit before detaching the dildo from the hilt. I can’t imagine what it would be like without the lube.

Since my first use of this toy was with someone else, I have to admit there was something lost when I used it on myself. There just isn’t that same power, that angle, that view when you’re using this toy on yourself. Since I’m fat and my torso isn’t as flexible as my hips, it was hard to see the sword in all it’s glory during masturbation. Basically, it loses some of it’s effect in the translation to masturbation.

However, what visual effect is lost gets made up for by the amazing feel of Draken. We all know I’m love a good texture. However, something like the textured silicone, which is paired with a significant amount of texture in the mold itself? What a beautiful combination. I used this toy for no more than four minutes before having an amazing orgasm. On top of that, I was so turned on by the texture, I immediately turned around and used it again. I have a feeling that I probably could have kept that up for a long time. However, the rain was letting up, which meant the sound cover in my tent was no longer available, so I stopped. Instead, I used the realistic dildo for a bit. It was good, but felt a little plain for me. I don’t really know what else to write about the realistic one I have (which is the 7.5″ version), so I’ll probably just leave it there.

The Realm collection sits on the same rock with the sword "stuck" in it. The light makes it look magical. They happen to be sitting so that the realistic attachment can be viewed a little easier.So the question I wanted to answer the most about this toy is “Does the handle help the angle for masturbation?” Also phrased as “Would this toy be a good option for someone with say, arthritis?” I do have some wrist issues (which by and large get ignored because I live on my computer and often use sex toys, so whatever). However, I couldn’t say with 100% certainty either way on this question. In some ways, having the extra length was helpful for me. I had a bit more to grab on to. However, since that length is straight out (not curved up), I wouldn’t say the handle saves my wrists from strain entirely. Instead, I hold the hilt and that extra bit gives me some minor amount of leverage which makes it easier to thrust. So I suppose the answer is yes, but not in the way you think.

The last note that I have to make is a bit of a downside. Wow, there are a lot of nooks and crannies in this toy. Be prepared to sacrifice a toothbrush to two just to clean this bad by. The realistic ones dildo attachments aren’t so bad, but the Draken really stubbornly holds on to that vaginal fluid. Additionally, if you are using this on someone who squirts, the details in the handle will likely hold some fluids as well. It took multiple washes and a detailed eye to get everything off of handle and attachment.

In all honesty, I absolutely love this toy. I plan on using it often for the visual effect of it. However, masturbation isn’t the number one use I would choose for this toy. It really is something I’ll bring out for my partners to use on me, and for play parties, where I get to witness it’s use from a third (or at least second) person perspective.

This toy was sent to me very kindly by my friends at Shevibe. You can find the handle here, the dildo attachments in Draken, 7 inches, 7.5 inches, and 8 inches.

Indigo Tries the Gaia Biodegradable Bullet from Blush Novelties!

7.5 out of 10

Pairs nicely with a Yuengling. It doesn’t get one overly-excited, but it helps one blend in while meeting expectations, without any fancy bells or whistles. 

This toy was sent to me by my good friends at Betty’s Toybox in exchange for this fair review. You can purchase it here in Green, Blue or Pink. If you prefer something bigger, the larger, straight vibrators are here.

There is a branch of a tree with a bend. The Gaia Bullet is sitting in that bend, precariously balanced. It is green, about three inches long and a half inch in diameter.

This toy is a bit of a deviation from my usual repertoire. I have reviewed a bullet vibrator before, but I haven’t since acquiring my Doxy wands. I tend to go for stronger vibrators these days, with a lot of surface area and a whole lot of power. It might make one wonder why I would actively choose to review a bullet vibe that takes an AAA battery instead of something powerful.

Well, there are two answers. First of all, I’m traveling. I don’t have consistent access to outlets. Therefore, charging isn’t something I can do for toys that I actively want to use on myself. The option to acquire power for a toy that I’m testing wasn’t solid enough to choose a rechargeable vibrator. So I went to the store and bought some batteries for this toy.

However, since I am traveling through some wilderness, I decided that the environment was going to be the theme of this review. What better way to match that, than to review the first biodegradable bullet vibe? It even comes in eco-green!

So what does that mean? Are most vibes not biodegradable?

Yes, actually. Most electronics are not considered biodegradable. There are special places that help folks dispose of electronic trash. Think about the bins in the front of Best Buy that you can dump cell phones in. Additionally, the cases of vibrators that are made out of oil-based plastic (which is most plastic) are not biodegradable in a natural environment. The gaia line is looking to change this trend, and they boast of being biodegradable, and easy to dispose of.

However, I find this advertising a little misleading. The case of this vibrator is biodegradable, being made out of a starch-based plastic. This means it will actually break down through natural processes. However, the electronic components still make it a rough thing to just toss in the recycle bin or trash. It’s better to take it to a processing plant because of it’s electronic components. It says this on the box, but not anywhere in the web-based information. So though it can be recycled, it’s still a better idea to take that extra step. Because of this, I find the advertisement a bit optimistic in it’s portrayal. It made me think that I could just pitch this in with my single-stream recycling, but it’s really not recommended. That said, I am grateful this vibrator exists. It is better to have made this step than to just keep creating plastic vibrators. My only question: Why aren’t more vibrators using this material since it’s so much better?

I understand that capitalism exists, but it feels to me like if we care about the environment enough to create a biodegradable, body-safe material for sex toys, we should endeavor to use it for most sex toys, if not all of them?Besides, this material seems inexpensive, since this vibrator itself is so inexpensive. The larger, straight vibes in the Gaia line are just as low-cost, which indicates that the material itself is inexpensive to make. If that’s true, then it should be pervading the market for multiple reasons, wouldn’t you think? I don’t blame Blush Novelties in the slightest for this, obviously. They are absolutely working for the greater good, in my view.

Anyway, so now we know why I chose this. And we know what it’s made out of. And we know how I feel about the marketing. How is the vibe itself?

It’s a very simple vibrator. It has two speeds; on and off. I also lovingly call them 100% and 0%. Personally, I love the simplicity that this brings. It makes it perfect for discretion and travelling. It turns off with one click and can be spirited away when someone walks into your room at the hostel room, or past your tent suddenly. This helps maintain discretion and consent when you need to get off while traveling. It doesn’t even have a light to indicate it’s on, which helps make it even more discrete. On top of the easy operation, it’s quiet. This is absolutely a key component to the rating that I gave this toy. In the years of living in my childhood home, quietly getting off, I am delighted to have a vibrator that is almost as quiet as me.

As for power, this vibe is not spectacular. It’s a little buzzy for my personal taste. However, I am also not necessarily disappointed in it. It simply met, but did not exceed expectations. Those expectations are, of course, built around knowing it’s a bullet vibe that runs off a AAA battery. I find that it takes me a little longer to get off with this vibe than with my Fun Factory vibes, for instance. However, with travel being such a stress, it feels so much easier to use this vibe than something louder with more rumble.

This vibe isn’t going to win awards from my clit, I’ll be honest. In a situation where I’m at home with a full selection of toys in front of me, I will choose a good number of other toys first. However, as a travel vibrator, and a purchase in general, this is a solid bullet vibrator. Seeing as it’s low-cost and environmentally friendly, I can recommend this vibrator for a lot of people.

The Gaia Bullet sits on the ground, half in some taller grass. It is cast in a great light with some nice shadows from the grasses falling into the shot. It is very outdoors feeling.

This toy was sent to me by my good friends at Betty’s Toybox in exchange for this fair review. You can purchase it here in Green, Blue or Pink. If you prefer something bigger, the larger, straight vibrators are here.

Indigo Talks Relationships Part 2: Mom

This is a personal essay, so there will not be a rating. This is a continuation of the series Indigo Talks Relationships, centered around non-romantic relationships in my life. The first installment can be found here.

I haven’t been shy about admitting that my relationship with my mother is…frayed. To put it nicely, we don’t understand one another very well. It has come up on Twitter, where I have received some resounding support and love from people around me. These days, my mother an I are working to get closer. She’s made a few strides. However, it took over a decade, and she can still hurt me with a sentence when I’m not careful around her.

My mother is a baby boomer that is drowning in privilege she cannot see. If she read this, she would laugh out loud. She is white, cisgender, and fairly well-off. She could afford to go to college and get a degree. She worked for the government and can now afford to be retired. She isn’t great with money, but her privilege helps her keep the debt down somewhat. In addition to these privileges which she still holds, she was pretty in her young age. I believe she still is, but she wouldn’t and she has lost some of that privilege with age (because we largely don’t value older beauty in our society). My mother can’t see these privilege because she’s had a lot of hardship in her life. This included two abusive husbands, and a family that had too many kids. There are more, I’m sure. However, my mother protects herself by not talking about these things. So I couldn’t expand upon them, even if it was my story to tell. 

From a young age, I saw how unhappy my mother was. She didn’t like her husband. He was emotionally abusive to her and her children. Despite that, I know she loved him because she felt truly lost when he died. I know that wasn’t easy on her, and I don’t want to hold things against her regarding my father’s death. She didn’t like her job. She wanted to be an artist, but felt that she couldn’t because she got married and had kids instead. Hell, it sometimes felt like she didn’t like her own kids. When I watched my mother be sad or angry about her life, I decided that I never wanted to do that. I made the decision to stubbornly pursue what I wanted. I have created a strong mentality that is focused on changing absolutely everything I can which makes me unhappy. I understand that my mother made decisions around her children, and she stayed with my father for our sake. However, he has been dead for over a decade and she still acts like he’s affecting her life. She blames things that are currently actively happening on people who are dead. It follows a pattern of her perceived lack of control. She blames others for the choices she made. 

From a young age, I feel as if I have taken a lot of my mother’s burdens somehow. I think it started when my father died. My sister’s response was to run. She could drive away from her issues and get high. Meanwhile, I was too young to drive, so I was stuck at home with my mother and whatever the coping mechanism of the day was. As a result, I would often watch as she desperately tried to overcome her mental health problems. In secret, I was a therapist, gathering information. It was usually not in a full support role. It also wasn’t the role of punching bag (emotional or physical). I see the paths of time my mother and I walked down, and I know that only a few steps away is a reality much worse than this one. Instead, I usually played the role of crutch. Mom did things with me, for me. I remember going to get ice cream one time because she couldn’t be in the house anymore. It isn’t an unhappy memory. She actually found a coping mechanism. But it isn’t a happy memory either. I remember I could feel how strained she was, and not getting the help she needed.

In order to cope with these feelings, I started to spend more time with friends. I got my best friends to teach me to drive. I got a job. This allowed me to sustain living with my mother for another decade before I had to kick myself out of the house or risk a true altercation with her. 

After my a father died, I tried to tell my mother about my life. I tried to tell her about my friends, but she responded as if they were idiots more often than not. I remember her judging me for driving so far to see my friends, but it was worth it for me because they were good friends. To this day, many of those people are in my life. I think when my mother looks at my friends, compared to the friends of my siblings (who are, by and large, either gone or terrible friends), she understands why I spent so much money to keep good people around.

When I tried to tell her I was depressed and wanted to stop music lessons, she was frustrated that I was “wasting the time and money I had spent on them for so many years.” So I stopped practicing. It should have been a red flag to someone in my life, but I was so charming in person that I was able to hide the depression from just about everyone. One day I decided to ask for help with the depression, and went to my mother. I told her I wanted to get help and see a therapist. She laughed at me. When I told her I might be suicidal, she said “You don’t want to say that. Then they will take you away and put you in an institution. Do you want that?” There was only one obvious answer, according to the derision in her voice.

When I came out as bisexual at the age of 14, she said “No you’re not.” So when I came out as not-cis, she didn’t try to understand that either. Eventually, I stopped trying to tell my mother about my life. When I started seeing a therapist, I kept it a secret. When I started dating anyone, I worked to hide it as much as possible. Slowly, I shut down parts of my life from her view, trying to protect myself from the judgement and denial she threw at me.

After I moved out, I finally felt freedom. I could move where I wanted, and see who I wanted. When I went back to school, she offered for me to move back home. I laughed at the prospect. Subject myself to that again? The derision? The judgement? Never again will I live with my mother. My car is more comfortable to me than any house that comes with the price of being under her domain, even as much as she has improved lately.

After years of hiding, I was so tired. My sister outed me as a sex blogger on accident during one family thanksgiving. After that incident I just stopped hiding completely. It was more effort to hide than it was to stop caring. I began using this rule: I’ll answer any questions she asks, but whatever she learns is her problem at that point. And I will never volunteer information. My mother, through her nosiness has found out that I am kinky, have a sex blog where I write erotica, am polyamorous, love sex workers, and has even slept in my room where I proudly display items that speak to such traits.

Sometimes, she says something careless to me, and some of those old wounds are opened again. This person who should have provided love and growth used to provide primarily judgement and disdain. Instead of saying “It seems like your personality type struggles with polyamory; how are you coping?” She says “You’re not polyamorous. You’re just not.” And immediately, I am reduced to a small child in my mind, insisting that I am something I know I am, which she will not listen to. 

In the past, my mother wouldn’t just make fun of every insecurity I shared. She would weaponize them. Every tiny invalidation chipped away a little more of me. The direct hits to my heart no longer hurt like they did when I was young and confused and depressed. I know myself better now. I’ve grown now. But they can still hurt, taking chips and chunks out. Usually I can have a calm and easy conversation. But once in awhile, it feels like I’m under constant fire from her off-hand discrimination against who I am. On those days, I build a glass wall between us. “You can look, mom, but you can’t touch.” As each topic becomes a weapon, the list of things I tell her not to mention anymore grows.

I know my mother has good intentions. Though I firmly believe in impact over intent, I will not ignore the fact that my mother did (and does) the best she can. My anger with my mother is not around the things she did, or what she failed at. My anger is around how I told her to get help, and tried to get her to listen to me, but she would not. It’s not the limits of what she couldn’t do, but what she wouldn’t do. My mother lives her life scared of being hurt and abandoned. Her power over me wasn’t a weapon she used on purpose. I just had the poor luck of being sensitive, and born to a mother who couldn’t find the time or space to grow with that. I know her love for me comes out in other ways now. She supports me in the ways I let her, and she tries hard to understand the life that I’m living away from my family. She let’s me keep it separate these days. That is exactly what I need, because the place I’m in right now just means I keep remembering how I continued reaching out. I continued offering pieces of myself, silently praying for her to see me, and by seeing me, know me.

I’m spending more time thinking of all the moments she’s missed out on watching me change and grow. Instead of this distant, but loving relationship we had to work for years to get to, my mother could have had a hundred amazing conversations around how I’ve overcome my own biases, and begun living the life I always wanted. We could have talked about how I am smart enough to be cautious about falling in love, but free enough to fall hard when I do. Every moment that I tried to share is still mine, and they were never hers to criticize. I have taken them back now, and I have forgiven her. 

One day, I hope she can see how amazing my life is, and how it’s because of me. She might even be able to understand how our strained relationship shaped me. I would never say thank you for that struggle. It shouldn’t have been that way. But I am willing to say that it’s in the past and she is helping more than hurting these days.

I do love my mother, despite the crazy flaws she has, and the flaws she gave me.

Indigo Tries Some Cleaning Supplies

8 out 10

Pairs nicely with a Lemon Juice/Honey Cleansing Drink. It’s “all natural.”

The Doc Johnson Natural Toy Cleaner and the AfterGlow wipes sit on a rock. In the background is a waterfall. It's majestic and invokes thoughts of fresh, clean air.

These products were sent to me by my friends at Betty’s Toybox! You can purchase the Toy Cleaner here, and the Wipes here!

So around May, I reached out to a few companies to get ready for my usual excursion to Colorado. In this event, I usually have limited access to running water and it’s hard to clean toys, or myself without hiking to another location. It’s great fun, living in the woods.

So I especially wanted to explore options around cleanliness that would mean less hiking. As much as I love toning up my ass, I want to be able to have a lazy wank sometimes, and this seemed like a good opportunity to ask for some products that I normally would not use. It’s not that I think these products are bad or don’t have their place. However, for me, they are a luxury. I live in a house and I am able-bodied. In fact, my bathroom is literally two steps outside my bedroom door. So something that helps me clean my toys or my own body are not really necessary. However, when the bathroom is hard to get to, or possibly doesn’t include running water, these products become more necessary. 

First up, we have the Doc Johnson Natural Toy Cleaner. I chose this brand specifically because their instructions listed online include the words “or let air dry.” This tells me that the ingredients can sit on the toy instead of absolutely needing to be washed off like soap needs to be. 

This spray instructs you to “not drench” the toy. I assume that is because it needs to dry, and having too much will impede that. Makes sense, right? I will admit that I struggle to not drench the toy because I don’t have the best surfaces to set my toys on. It usually ends up on my hands and sometimes my mattress as well. That said, it dries cleanly, and I have not noticed a film or stickiness left on the toys I’ve cleaned with it. After letting one set air dry, I cleaned the others using a paper towel to make sure they got really clean. This set included a highly-textured dildo, so I wanted to make sure all the nooks and crannies got cleaned. That worked just as well as air-drying the toys. So multiple methods helps those who absolutely need to be more active about their cleaning.

I even shot a tiny porn clip with a toy after using this to clean it (it was one of the air dried batch). The toy didn’t taste awful. I would not want to drink a bottle of this cleaner, but the taste of it was not offensive, which will make it a bit easier to clean toys between sex acts, or partners. It will also help with making my porn while I’m traveling. 

I have since looked up each ingredient individually to make sure they are non-toxic. I probably should have done that before I put it in my mouth, but that is a clear illustration of my forethought. They say with their mouth full: “Can I eat this?” Each of the ingredients is a common anti-microbial, anti-fungal, preservative, or moisturizer. Most of them are used in food-related products or cosmetics. Th sanitizing agents are safe and the moisturizers will help clean toys without drying them out. This is important for toys made out of “real skin” materials that aren’t silicone. I don’t own those, but you might!

The next product I elected to test was the AfterGlow cleaning wipes. This product is almost like a baby wipe that is designed specifically for sex. I was a little skeptical at first of this product. Baby wipes are a part of my personal grooming arsenal and have been for many years. I didn’t feel like I needed something else on the table. This is especially true when I can get three packs of baby wipes at 70 wipes per pack for something like seven dollars, and one pack of AfterGlow with 20 is 10 dollars. That is 50 cents per wipe!

And then one day, someone made an off-hand comment about using baby wipes to keep clean before and after sex, to which a friend responded by looking absolutely horrified. I was really confused and then she said “Have you ever tasted baby wipe residue?” Baby wipes existed in a vacuum for me until that point. I mean, we really aren’t supposed to lick baby butts after cleaning them. Of course the producers don’t think about what the wipes taste like. When I use them to keep clean, it’s rarely because someone is about to stick their face between my thighs, because it’s tragically seldom that this happens anyway… But. I. Digress.

So I tried it. 

Reader, let me save you some pain. 

Baby wipes.

Taste.

Awful. 

After this interaction, I understood the appeal of the AfterGlow wipes at their high price. They leave a very faint orange-y taste and smell. It is nowhere near as offensive as the residue that gets left behind by baby wipes.The AfterGlow Wipes sit open to reveal a white wipe sticking out sitting next to the Doc Johnson Toy Cleaner. They are on a wooden boardwalk, and behind is a small stream.

As a result of this very scientific field test, I can affirm that the AfterGlow wipes are possibly worth the money you will spend on them. However, in general, I wouldn’t advise buying a lot of them. A baby wipe will suffice, unless you are planning to give or receive oral on the surface you use them on. Save a little money by getting the three pack. Those in the store may assume you’re expecting or have kids, but at least you’re saving money while getting laid.  

Once all is said, I could recommend both of these items in the incident that you need something like them. I don’t feel especially compelled to purchase them regularly, but when I need something like these, I suspect these two products will be a go-to. 

These products were sent to me by my friends at Betty’s Toybox! You can purchase the Toy Cleaner here, and the Wipes here!

 

Indigo Finds Ways to Use a Waterproof Sheet

Please be aware as you read this that it involves some short erotica scenes. They may not be safe for your workplace, depending on where you work! Photos have been omitted on purpose to help mitigate this risk!

Imagine this. You’re banging a really rad human. They have all kinds of wonderful curves. They are laid upon the bed with their legs open. You can see their loins and feel their wetness. They are ready to orgasm again under your touch. You insert a few fingers into them and push up, finding that gorgeous place that makes them moan. They start immediately, and you drink up every delicious noise that comes from their mouth.

Suddenly, your hand is soaked, the bed is soaked. You awkwardly stumble through the orgasm they have, but the whole time, all you can focus on in the mattress, which was brand new and is now completely wet with their juices. Part of you thinks it is incredibly hot. It will smell like them until you can make time to clean it. But in the meantime, there will be mold to think about. Will the mattress survive until tomorrow morning when they are gone and you can finally get out the carpet cleaner (your best idea for cleaning it)?

It’s not something that happens every day, but it happens often enough for there to be a solution. That’s right, there’s a really great product that can help with this scenario. You get to focus on their orgasm around your hand, and they can squirt all they want. It’s truly a win-win kind of purchase. In case you haven’t guessed, I’m of course talking about a waterproof sheet. I’ve written about them in a number of places because I am a very juicy human and I have used my Sheets of San Francisco more than any other sex-related object I own. Well, aside from lube.

They have a high price point for some people, and I’m not ignorant of that fact. However, there are so many scenarios where a waterproof sheet can come in handy. Just in case you haven’t thought of all the ways they can improve your life, I am here to assure that I have thought of at least a few, and I’m here to share them with you. Brace yourself for some brief, juicy scenes, and a breakdown of the logistics behind them.

Scene 1: Squirting. As outlined above, this particular scene could happen on accident. Someone with a lot of love to give gets you and your bed soaking wet. If it happens enough times, there is a stain, and a faint, lingering odor on your mattress. Not ideal. For the creative bang artist, this can also happen on purpose, with the use of fingers, a dildo, or a lovely fist. After having had an orgasm or two, someone with a vulva who does squirt is more likely to.

I recommend having a waterproof sheet on hand in either scenario. If you know it’s going to happen, you can lay the sheet down beforehand, leaving your partner free to squirt all over. If you aren’t aware it’s going to happen, but suddenly comes up, you can take a brief pause to unfold the sheet and lay it under your partner. Again, they feel free to squirt, and it makes it more relaxed for both of you. This even increases the likelihood that they will orgasm, because they will have less anxiety.

If you aren’t worried about your mattress (how can you not, I mean the things get so gross over so many years, and like partner juices are great, but only where they are supposed to be, and I just love my memory foam mattress so much, I could never leave it like that, but I digress)…

If you aren’t worried about the mattress itself, you might at least be worried about who has to lay in the wet spot after sex. Though I feel that this can lead to shame for some people, I don’t want that. Wet spots are incredibly common, and can be made by any partner. They can consist of vaginal fluid, semen, sweat, urine, spit, or any other number of substances. Though I find that shaming someone over it is harmful, I do understand not wanting a clammy ass while cuddling after sex. So that is the other benefit to a sex sheet. After sex, just pile whatever needs to be washed onto the sheet and bundle it up. Once it’s moved, you leave that space open for aftercare cuddles, or whichever activities more comfortably!

Scene Two: Food. It’s been a long day for mistress. She comes home with sagging posture and bleary eyes. It’s not fair of you to ask her for the usual care you enjoy. Instead, you decide to do something nice for her. You have made up the fruit salad, and the sushi yourself. It’s the benefit to being a stay-at-home husband. Your shared boyfriend is going out with someone new tonight, so mistress is your only concern today. You even asked him to help “set the table,” just before she got home.

It’s carefully planned so that she comes in as he is leaving. You lie there, waiting for them to kiss goodbye, and her to walk in. This isn’t a surprise party. The lights are still on, and the sheet is over the table. You lie there, a little turned on, knowing that this is exactly what she would want to walk into. You can feel a piece of ginger settle on your shoulder blade. The soy sauce is right next to your hip, waiting to be poured into that hollow on your back.

You hear her ask where you are. A brief answer from the doorway and then your boyfriend is gone to his date. She walks into the dining room and beholds the feast you have created. You can see her smile and a sigh of relief. She doesn’t have to make dinner today, even though it was her turn. You try not to wiggle as she pulls up a chair. She pours the soy sauce on your back. It’s cold. Because she’s tired, you can feel her over-pour and it slips down your side to the table. It’s okay, the sheet protects everything.

You were such a good boy today.

There is no secret. I love food play. As someone who loves to play with food and be played with as food, my most treasured possession is my waterproof sheet. It protects my bed, my table and any other surface I want to play on. I can let someone eat whatever they want off me, whether it’s sushi or salsa or fruit or spaghetti. I know that my surroundings are protected. Additionally, as long as the sheet is recently washed, I can be sure that no food will go to waste, even if it falls off the “platter” and onto the table. 

Scene Three: Picnics. You’re out with a lover in a park. Though there isn’t a basket, there is a bag at their side. It has a few sandwiches, some drinks, and one small can of bug spray. The park is empty because it’s not the busy season. You’ve made all the right turns to make sure you’re in an isolated place. No one will interrupt your lunch. Consent to voyeurism is key.

You sit down on a nearby rock, and pull out the drinks and the sandwiches. They are light eating, so it won’t make either of you feel gross, and it won’t weigh you down. Most importantly, you both will feel invigorated for the secret sex you planned. Your picnic spot is a little ways off the path, in a place where you can hear people approach, but you won’t be seen without some creative maneuvering around a few large rocks.

You had a specific vision of riding them in the woods. The ground would be perfectly soft. The moss would be a perfect pillow for them as they watched you ride them. You would resist a little at first, but the orgasm would come quickly, knowing there was even a remote possibility you could be caught at any moment. You flirt a little, but you’re already eager, so it doesn’t take long before the pack and play they are wearing is out. You spend a little time giving them a blow job, just to ease into the sexy actions. But a few minutes later, you’re lifting your skirt and taking off your underwear. They lay down, but the ground is too wet for them to get comfortable. It’s cold, and there’s a big patch of mud in the only flat area.

You bend over a rock instead, and the sex feels amazing. But as you walk away, you sigh. “I really wanted to ride you in the woods.”

This is another situation that a tough, waterproof sheet would have saved the day. Something that would prevent mud from staining clothes, and keep off the grime. Outdoor sex is amazing, but in order to keep clean (and in some cases safe), it would help to have something between you and nature. I have never had grass-crack and let me tell you, it is a blessing beyond words. After your outdoor session is complete, you wrap everything in the sheet and pack it away in a bag. It can be easily washed and there’s no dirt stains anywhere unsavory. Bonus hint: fold it in half before laying it down and when cleaning up, you can unfold it, and fold it in the other direction to keep the messy bits on the inside and not dirty anything else in your bag!

Scene Four: Fistfuls of Fun. He’s been whispering things in me ear all evening. It was a struggle to finish up work in my orifice. I mean office. I hear him suck in air as I come out in my best queer outfit. My black shorts left my thighs almost bare, and my ass peeked carefully from them, rimmed with my lace panties. My calves were bare except for the socks and boots.  I’m not even wearing a shirt. Just a simple black bra underneath my jean jacket. My hair is sloppily put into a bun and my black eyeliner completes the look. The whole ensemble screams “Kiss my punk ass.”

He smiles and pulls me closer. He teases “You look badass, love. It’s a good thing I’m not going for your ass today.” I giggle, internally melting as his hands roam under the jacket.

When we arrive at the dungeon, he pulls out the necessary items. Gloves, lube, a small bullet vibe. He pulls me into a kiss and guides me into the seat in one smooth motion. There’s already a pad down to catch what will inevitably drip from my holes. He nudges me forward a little and lets me lay down. My feet find the stirrups and I hear the vibrator turn on. I’m already wet, but he applies lube to his hand and my labia. It will make things so much easier for both of us.

“Good job, kid. I see you’re already wet for me.”

After attracting a crowd to watch his fist disappear into my cunt, I orgasm hard, ignoring the small murmurs and smiles around me. I moan through the feelings. Afterwards, he guides me down from the climax with soft words and gentle strokes. I lift myself slowly off the medical table. I look back and it is absolutely covered in sweat from my back, and vaginal juice from my cunt. The pad hadn’t covered enough. We now have to clean the whole table as well as me before we can cuddle in the aftercare space.

When banging in public, such as a play party, or dungeon, it’s important to clean up after yourself. It prevents the spread of infections, and just maintains basic cleanliness of spaces. With something like a waterproof sheet, not only do you know that you’re protected from other’s messes, but you know that you’re also protecting others from your mess. As always, it can also expedite the clean-up process. This is especially handy for situations where your play involves some type of sub or dom space. If it does, then you don’t have to delay aftercare. It helps you take care of your partner faster!

Essentially, I find that having a waterproof sheet has been a game-changer for me. It has made scenes possible that I hadn’t even thought about. I know it can be hard to justify the cost of a waterproof sheet. However, with all these ideas, it becomes a little easier. And this is just what comes from my brain. I’m sure that and other readers can come up with other scenarios to use these! I’d love to hear about them!

This post was written in collaboration with my good friends at Sheets of San Francisco. They have a really wonderful set of products, and I would highly recommend checking them out!

Indigo Tries the Tantus They/Them

10 out of 10

Pairs nicely with a Budweiser. That may not be the perfect thing for you, but it sure as hell is the perfect thing for me and I love it.

There are two dildos sitting on a rock. It is two versions of the Tantus They/Them. One is teal, the other is silver. They are short with about an inch diameter. In the background is a bush, and a landscape that looks majestic and rocky.

This review is written for SheVibe, who provided me with the review product. It appears that the teal color known as Peacock is not available. However, these can be purchased in Silver, Blue or Pink.

(This post has been edited to include more accurate information about the renaming, which I had misunderstood originally. I apologize for the misinformation and will endeavor to not repeat such a mistake in the future.)

This post could also affectionately be called “Why I love my dick.”

I encountered the They/Them on accident last Woodhull when a Tantus representative invited me to look at some products. Like any good reviewer, I said “Yes” and away we went. I was intrigued by the Echo and the Paddles originally. I love large toys, primarily and things that I can be hit with. However, I noticed one dildo sitting in front of the television. It was not my usual type at all. It was small, not exceptionally wide, nor was it a very exciting shape.

And like a male lead in a poorly written television series from the 90s, who has just found the girl that is “totally different” and would “change his entire ideology” because she’s “not like any other girl he’s ever dated,” I completely fell in love.

Before I go on, let me give a little more backstory. I had just come in from a trip to Colorado, where I was at a high altitude for about two months. I was hiking for most of that time, and my physical fitness had never been better. When I hit sea level again, I was high on Oxygen for about a week. So I was feeling pretty great when I walked in that hotel room anyway. Just being high on pure oxygen and being at Woodhull once more. Bearing that in mind, let’s return to the moment that I saw the They/Them for the first time.

It was short and stubby, and a beautiful Teal color. It was unexciting and so lovely in it’s simplicity. I gasped, nay, squealed and I picked it up. “It’s so pretty!” I felt it’s smooth silicone. I put my fingers around it’s girth, measuring. I ran my fingers over the head of it, gently poking at the faux urethral opening. I felt the base, sturdy enough for the harness. I pulled a quick measurement from my own hand and it was confirmed. I had found the dick that would be my dick. It wouldn’t be the one I want to use every day when I masturbated. I have actually only used the They/Them as a dildo for my vagina in order to write this review. No, this is the dick I will attempt to put into every harness I place on my body. It is the perfect length, according to my hand measurement. It is the perfect girth according to my proportions. It is the dick I would have been born with if I was assigned male at birth, and it is dark, vivid teal. (I later found out this color was called Peacock, which is quite frankly perfect for me, and is no longer available.)

Reader, I am not ashamed to admit I almost cried in that moment. Later, I did cry real tears over my dick in my hotel room.

I picked up the teal They/Them with no obligation to review, but with a full intention of writing a post about how it affirmed my gender in a way that no realistic dildo ever could. This small hunk of teal silicone changed my life that day, and I wasn’t even expecting it. However, it was offered later for review. After hearing that the firmness of the silicone may have changed since that first encounter, I needed to know. So I requested it in silver. Though the silver They/Them is good- just as good as the teal one- I will always favor that first teal dildo which so changed my life that day.

But is it true? Is the silicone a little softer in the newer version? Well, I am here to tell you that the rumors are true. The silicone is slightly softer. I don’t think I would have noticed if I didn’t have the two of them to compare side by side, if I’m being honest. So that difference may or may not register for you.

Let’s talk specifics of the They/Them. This line was released and there was some backlash about the name They/Them. It was thought to be a marketing scheme targeted at non-binary folks. I actually had no issue with the name. In fact, I was enthralled that there was a dick marketed towards me. I am not a trans man. I am trans masculine, but not a man. So something being specifically centered around non-binary people felt wonderful to see. Though I think it came from a place that intended good, I don’t recall many non-binary folks actually having an issue. The backlash primarily came from concerned allies. So I’ve continued to use the name They/Them for this dick because it perfectly encapsulates what I feel for this dildo.¬† Some companies, such as Shevibe have opted to rename the They/Them in their stores. I have found out that this is due to SEO, which I completely understand. Shevibe uses “The Chubby/ies.” Each color has a different name. Though these names are technically gender-neutral, I find that our society assumes masculine in most of these cases. I personally don’t enjoy using these names, so I won’t. This toy will be called the They/Them on this blog, but I don’t object on principle to this change.

This dildo is small, like I said above. It has a maximum diameter of 1.7″, which is usually enough for me to scoff at. At a maximum insertion of 4.7″, it doesn’t make up for in length what it lacks in width. However, that does not leave this dick out of the running. The head of this dildo is pronounced enough to give me g-spot orgasms. I find that the smoothness is a perfect way to keep down on cleaning time, while also making insertion easy. I’ve even been able to use this dildo with folks who haven’t had penetration in awhile. Versatility is where this dildo shines.

The two versions of the Tantus They them are both sitting erect on a rock with a beautiful sky view in the background.

The first time I actually fucked someone, I used this dildo. The smoothness of the silicone made this dildo fit snugly into the harness. The base is nice and wide, which meant that my pubic mound was not hurt at all. The way it sit in the harness felt natural. It wasn’t so heavy that it slouched, but there isn’t a curve, so I didn’t feel like my stomach was in the way of my silicone erection. It is even short enough that it fit nicely into my partner. There was a question of whether it was too wide, but that was just an optical illusion created by it’s lack of length. It turns out that it was a great fit for both of us. I not only got to watch as my dick penetrated someone, but I also got to watch them orgasm around it. I was told that I “did better than some cis men.” I almost cried from such praise.

Now, when I have used this dildo on myself, I found some issues. The length means there is little to no handle with which to grasp. I have to firmly cup the base with my hand and the resulting cramps are not entirely worth the orgasm. As an aid from someone who has arthritis, for example, this is a poor choice as a masturbation dildo. This same issue happened when I was using it without a harness on someone else. So the very ideal place for this dildo is in a harness. However, all the rest still stands. It was easy to insert, easy to clean and the quality of the silicone is aces.

This dildo has changed my life in a lot of ways. I absolutely love how it feels and even though it’s short, you might like it too! If you’re looking for something that feels unassuming and non-binary, I would recommend this toy.

As a last note, I want to talk about Tantus as a company. I feel I may have mentioned this before, but Tantus has had a lot of issues around the owners and I always try to stand with victims. Impact over intention. I also hate the idea of separating the company or it’s products from those who create and market it. Separating art and artist only serves problematic people who want to sell their wares. I will not be unpacking every step of the Tantus incidents in this blog post. I was not a victim of them, nor can I speak to them with a lot of accuracy. What I will say is that people I know have been hurt by Tantus, or those who run the company. I love these people and want to support them. So I will not be able to say you should purchase a They/Them. I want you, dear reader, to consume critically and know what you’re purchasing, as well as it’s monetary impact. I received these dildos for free and it has changed my life. Not everyone has that opportunity. So what I ask is this: If you purchase a Tantus toy, purchase through someone’s affiliate links (even if it isn’t mine), and preferably through a retailer so that you can benefit people who aren’t just Tantus.

The silver They/Them lays on a rocky surface with the teal one just behind standing erect. There is a small plain in the middle background, and in the background behind that is a mountain side rising up majestically.

This review is written for SheVibe, who provided me with the review product. It appears that the teal color known as Peacock is not available. However, these can be purchased in Silver, Blue or Pink.

Indigo Tries the Uprize

7 out of 10

Pairs nicely with a Toasted Almond. This is a perfect transition drink. It’s sweet and a little smokey, which makes it great for Fall drinking, and Winter drink. It also provides the perfect transition from your dinner martini to a dessert cocktail.

This toy was sent to me by the lovely folx at Betty’s Toybox! You can purchase it here in White Guy or Purple! It retails for about $150 (USD) at the time of posting.

The Uprize sits on it's base, with the head of it folded down towards the base of it. It is the color of white person flesh. It sits on a pair of folded cargo shorts, with a video game themed hat behind it and a stick of deodorant next to it. All in all, it looks like the whitest set of items one could find.

The Uprize has been a fascinating new toy to hit the market. I requested it specifically because I am transmasculine, and I believe that is important with a toy like this. Here’s why:¬†Here’s why: The Uprize is one of few dildos out there that is designed to appear flaccid and then with a remote (or the press of a button), become erect. It simulates the (outward) process of getting an erection that many cis-men experience. I was immediately excited about this toy when I heard of it’s release, but it was at least six months before my friends at Betty’s Toybox gave me the opportunity to review it for myself. I’ll be forever grateful, because this has been a very fun toy to review, and a very good toy for my gender feelings.

I had the benefit of seeing an Uprize dissected, which helped me understand the mechanism of how it erects. It has many plastic pieces in a row, much like a spinal cord and this part is either directed down towards the testicles (flaccid), or upwards (erect). This entire mechanism is surrounded by a silicone covering. The largest benefit of this entire set up is that the Uprize, aside from being a new experience for transmasculine humans, is also a vibrating insertable.

The Uprize has the appearance of roughly a penis shape. Specifically, it is a circumcised penis, because the head of the Uprize is emphasized in the shape. I myself have the 6″ version, but there is an 8″ version available if you just need more. The shape of the Uprize is not extremely realistic, if I’m being honest. The silicone is soft, and feels nice to touch, but the smoothness of it does not make it a realistic experience. Additionally, the silicone sleeve tends to bunch on the side that is bent. When the Uprize is flaccid, the silicone wrinkles underneath, and when it’s erect, the upward curve causes wrinkles to form on the top. These wrinkles aren’t something that can be felt in use. Instead, they just remove some more of the realistic nature of the Uprize.

While we are on the topic of appearances, I do have one giant, glaring critique for the Uprize as a whole. There are no other flesh colors than “White Guy,” which they have helpfully dubbed “Vanilla.” There is also Purple, and Black. Where is the variety, humans?! There are other people who want, nay, deserve this! The lack of diversity is disgusting to me, and quite frankly, took an entire point away from this toy. Okay? Okay. Moving on.

The base of this toy isn’t helpful for a realistic experience either. It is roughly the shape of testicles, but it houses the motor for the entire toy. As a result, the sizing is a little less than ideal (although not entirely impossible), and this toy is surprisingly heavy. It requires a very particularly tight and supportive harness to hold this toy. If I use my usual harness, it isn’t enough to support the toy in use. However, when I use my heavy-duty harness, I can tighten the harness enough to use for partners or for masturbation purposes. On the bottom of the base is a suction cup, which I almost forgot to mention. Why? Because it’s actually useless. It doesn’t hold the toy on a wall even a little because the Uprize is too heavy. I suppose it gives you the illusion of stability when you set it on it’s base and use the suction cup. But this is not a great way for me to use the Uprize because I don’t have legs, so much as I have flexible flesh trunks I use to move. They do not allow me to fuck dildos attached to the floor, so I never thought about or used the suction cup.

The Uprize is erect and laying sideways to the shaft is parallel to the floor. It is oriented much like a penis would be. However, it sits on a pair of hiking sandals that are grey. The whitest of dude shoes.

For me, this toy was truly requested because I wanted to see how it felt for transmasculine people to have a toy that erects itself. However, I also know the importance of sticking toys into my cunt so that I understand receiving this toy. So I dutifully erected the Uprize and inserted it. My first impression was of the curve, which drove the pronounced head into my g-spot. It felt about average. I would be impressed if someone used this dick to fuck me with in a strap-on. As a masturbatory aid, it was not as exciting. I got off with it, and the orgasms were good, but I wouldn’t say it revolutionized my sex life in any way.

However, I have another, smaller issue with the toy. The placement of the buttons was a little inconvenient for me. I would grasp the base, using the sides as my grip, and would accidentally push a button. If the button was for vibration, it was fine. The pattern or intensity would change and I’d go about my business barely noticing. However, if I hit the actual rise button, the Uprize would try to fold itself up while still in my cunt. It was incredibly awkward to feel the uprize try and fold it’s base into my ass hole while being pushed out by the head trying to exit my cunt via my posterior. I would either have to extract it weirdly, with the head threatening to tear my perineum, or wait while it finished, press the button again so it would erect, and then remove it more carefully. I can’t count how many times this happened to me during my testing of this toy.

Thank the gods this hasn’t happened with a partner. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I have yet to actually fuck anyone with this toy. My partner is still working on stretching his ass, and I just haven’t had luck with meeting people who want to try it recently. However, after having played with it in a masturbation scene or two, I can say that it does feel okay in a harness. Something more adjustable that the Tomboi is recommended to make up for that very large base.

My last nitpick with this toy is that it is so very expensive. $150 dollars is a very large amount of money. I know it’s worth the cost. I can feel a lot of work and ingenuity went into this toy. However, $150 (USD) just isn’t accessible for many people. Especially people who are marginalized and can’t make enough money (like trans folx). It was another reason this toy didn’t get a higher rating from me.

All in all, I like the Uprize. I think that this will be an amazing idea, and non-gender-based toy for people who want to have their toys get hard hands-free. I personally use this toy as a conversation piece while doing tours of my dick library. In use, though it doesn’t blow me away, I think it’s a very satisfactory orgasm, which will make many receivers happy. Now, hopefully they will make more colors!

This toy was sent to me by the lovely folx at Betty’s Toybox! You can purchase it here in White Guy or Purple! It retails for about $150 (USD) at the time of posting.

Indigo Tries the Emojibator SHARK

9 out of 10

Pairs nicely with Apple Juice. It’s childish and fun.

You can purchase this delightful toy from my friends at SheVibe! It retails for about $90 (USD) at time of posting!

Baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

The Emojibator Shark sits on the corner of a tub with a yellow loofah behind it. There is a bar of soap next to it. The Shark is sky blue, with two buttons on its head. It also has a large dorsal fin which is designed for clitoral stimulation.

This toy was not something that I planned on getting. However, when I saw it on the list of things that needed reviewing from the lovely folks at Shevibe, I was immediately in need of a shark toy. I said to myself “Okay, I’ll bite.” (Get it?)

I was not disappointed when two days later, this toy showed up at my door. I was in love from the moment I touched it. The silicone is silky smooth. It’s got a gorgeous color that I feel is rarely found in sex toys. And on top of that, it is shark-shaped! I thought it was so cute and playful that it took me almost a week to plug it in because I just kept playing with it around the house. My roommates were mighty confused. I kept putting the shark around water sources, on shelves. I was really fishing for comments, let me tell you.

Mama shark do do do do do do do.

It came in a nondescript box, except for the words Emojibator on the top. From a distance, I would not have been able to guess what is in this box. When I opened it up, I was delighted to find a toy bag. I love getting those with toys. Not because I use them myself. However, I have enough people who want and love them that I can pass them off. It’s also nice to see that companies may be working with their customers who don’t know silicone toys can be stored together. If you’re someone who isn’t sure of the science, then it will probably feel better to have a bag. This is especially true if you just spent almost 90 bucks on a vibrator.

So after the appropriate amount of time letting this guy haunt my household, I finally decided to test him. I charged him over the course of a day. When he was FINished charging, the glowing light turned to steady; pretty standard. The inch or so diameter is easy enough to insert, with a very small head to the insertable section. There is additionally a clitoral arm for this toy, with the idea that it is a rabbit-style vibe. I like the idea of the clitoral arm because it’s the dorsal fin of the shark and I think I’ve made it clear that I love the shark and I have named it Shoney the Shark and will love everything to do with the shark itself. So A+ dorsal fin. Good work, buddy. However, I will say as a clitoral stimulant, it’s garbage. Don’t even bother trying to align it. It probably won’t touch your clit and if it does, the vibration will be minimal. I had more luck using the insertable part and my wand. In fact, that is the only way I had luck. I had exactly one orgasm using this toy alone, and I’m pretty sure it was because my hand slipped and I accidentally hit my clit. So maybe skip the whole clit thing. Except keep the dorsal fin because Shoney needs it to swim.

The Emojibator Shark is sitting on the lip of the tub still, but this is a profile shot to show off the length of his tail which is designed to be inserted. It is about four inches long and an inch wide.

Daddy shark do do do do do do do.

Okay, so if the toy doesn’t work as rabbit, does it work in other ways? I turned on the toy to learn the controls. It has a power button and one other button, which I had assumed was the “cycle through levels/settings button.” So I turned it on and went to cycle. And then the weirdest thing happened. This motherfucker inflated. I’ll be honest here. I didn’t look too closely at this product description. I saw a shark and was like “Oh hell yes,” and then it showed up. It never occurred to me the toy would inflate itself. Yet there it was, getting bigger in my hand, and then letting the air out of the shark mouth with a little “fweeeeee” noise. So I picked up the manual to make sure it was doing something that it was programmed to do and not broken. The manual assured me that yes, this button does make it inflate. I was so excited/horrified that I interrupted my roommate who was about to have sex to show it off. I know that inflatable things are common enough, but I had never encountered one myself, and I was shook, let me tell you.

So after showing off that very fun feature, I pressed it a few times to see what kind of inflate patterns there were. Nothing was very exciting in terms of variation. Certainly not as exciting as finding out it inflated in the first place. And so I decided that it was finally time to use this guy.

The Emojibator Shark is hiding on the edge of a sink. It is partially obstructed by the faucet. The sink is quite dirty. Clean your sink, Indigo.

Grandma shark do do do do do do do.

Well, the vibrations don’t exactly hammer away at my head. Sand I will say that the head doesn’t hit my goblin-spot as much as I hoped. However, I still had a whale of a time. The inflation feature did not add much for me in terms of stimulation. It didn’t turn me in to a thresher by any means. However, with my wand on my clit, the wank was going swimmingly. I expected to rate this low low-tide. Until, at the last minute, I got off. Holy mackerel shark, y’all! There was a great white tide! Something about that inflation pattern as I had an orgasm made this toy a 9 for me. I was like “OH-cean, that was an orgasm!” It’s fair to say that this new sensation blew me out of the water.

I have used this toy pretty often sense because that particular sensation is not something I can get anywhere else. I couldn’t explain why it feels so good only as I orgasm. It was almost like being stretched in such a subtle and forgiving way that it was like being forced to experience sensation. I am being really serious that I could take or leave the inflation as I’m getting to the orgasm.

In the end, the clitoral aspect of this toy is jaw-ful. The inflation, on the other hand, feels really novel to me. Aside from the ability to make some really great puns about this toy, I find it to be fun and playful overall, including it’s final bite. I love the functions it provides, and I cannot wait to show it off at every opportunity. It’s a bloody good toy.

Grandpa shark do do do do do do do!

You can purchase this delightful toy from my friends at SheVibe! It retails for about $90 (USD) at time of posting!