Indigo Tries Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pump

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the sixth post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

1 out of 10
Pairs nicely with straight schnapps. It doesn’t really taste great, and it’s not really enough to do anything powerful. All in all, you’d be better with something, anything else.
This toy was sent to me by my friends at SheVibe! You can purchase it here for about $34 (USD) at time of posting.
The Temptasia Pump sits on a purple backdrop. It is a basic black air pump with a red hose leading to a clear plastic cup.
Okay, so I asked for this toy because I wanted to see how a clit pump would work with my testosterone. I was interested in seeing the effect of those two things together. So I planned to use this once or twice a week.
And…then it arrived.
The first thing I’ll say about this system is that the full name for it is the Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pleasure and Enhancement System. That’s a fancy fucking name for this…collection of items.  When I got the box, I could feel that the packaging was cheap. I hoped that this wasn’t indicative of what was inside. However, I opened the cardboard top, and I found myself looking at a cheap-looking piece of equipment in a simple plastic casing.
The main component of this toy is a large plastic trigger that connects to what I’m sure is supposed to be a basic air chamber. This is the main “pump” part of the toy. The trigger mechanism is crude, and the lever comes away from the main part in a somewhat awkward way that I’m sure is not design. It also has a random cap that comes off easily, with no obvious purpose. It is extraordinarily large for no reason, and it feels clunky in use.
Which leaves the rest of the components. The tube feels like actually good rubber, and it’s easy to figure out when end goes to the pump and when goes to the cylinders. That is unfortunately the last good thing I will say. I picked up the cylinders which are supposed to go over a nipple or clit and was immediately skeptical. They were so small, they barely fit over the pad of my thumb. There is no way these cylinders would cover my nipples, let alone my clit, which is already larger than it used to be. I scoffed at these puny things, but agreed with myself to at least try them. Somewhere. If they fit.
So I assembled the thing and I went to test it on myself. I held the cylinder to my chest and began to pump. Nothing happened. So I tried again on my forearm. It was more awkward, but I was able to see the seal and make sure it was being held. Still nothing. I pulled in help from my very intelligent best friend. We sat on the couch and made “pew pew” noises while holding it to our arms. Nothing happened every time.
I can’t tell you how disappointed I am by this toy. I was excited by a pump that has direct control from the user. It was inexpensive so I could recommend it to anyone. And as it turns out, it wasn’t inexpensive at all. It was just cheap all around. I couldn’t see how the pump would work for me if I could even get the thing to work. I’m quite frankly shocked they have the audacity to charge $34 for it.
To be honest, I really tried to extend this review. I want to have good toys because I want to be able to recommend a variety. But please, don’t buy this toy. Find another pump. It might actually fit your bits.
This toy was sent to me by my friends at SheVibe! You can purchase it here for about $34 (USD) at time of posting.