Indigo Tries the Womanizer Starlet

4 out of 10

Pairs well with a middle-shelf white rum. Something like Bacardi. It’s not the worst out there, but there will definitely be people who object.

This toy was sent to me by Betty’s Toybox in exchange for an honest review. You can buy it in pink or purple (because those are the colors women get), or white (because they needed another color, but didn’t want us to forget our gender assignments. 

The Womanizer Starlet sits in a clear plastic case. The Starlet is about three and a half inches tall with a nozzle for suction. It is while with silver accents.

When I had a chance to review something from Womanizer, I jumped on it, honestly. I hate the name they chose for this brand, and I know several people who can’t even use it because it’s just too much dysphoria. I am gender-fluid, so it does not affect me quite as strongly, but jesus do you HAVE to, companies? So yes, sit back and prepare for a small rant about the Starlet and gendering toys in general. Because gendering toys is unnecessary and I am mad about it.

Now, you’re probably wondering about why I’m so mad. After all, I feel such a minimal amount of body-related angst because I’m gender-fluid. I find that I can roll with most gender feelings and I don’t ever feel like mis-gendering me causes me pain. It just shows me how careless you are. But, I do want to emphasize how unique I am in this aspect. I know too many people who feel like they are compromised at every turn. They question the toys they are supposed to use and the companies that they should trust. It’s not just down to feeling safe in a bathroom. It’s about feeling safe in your own home. In your own bed. In your own skin.

The unnecessary gendering of something like a sex toy is only a passive attack and a microaggression against an entire community that is already struggling under the current society and the administration that runs it.

So hey, companies, maybe STOP BEING SO AWFUL, OKAY?

And now that I’ve ranted about that, I can maybe review this product?

The Womanizer Starlet sits on a paisley cloth. It's face up, so the nozzle can be seen clearly. There is a small rubber cover near the bottom which covers the charging port.Since I reviewed the Satisfyer line, I have been dying to try the Womanizer brand. I’ve heard that Womanizer is better somehow, and I wanted to give them a fair shake to see if it was true. I can’t resist a good comparison. Womanizer was arguably the first suction-based sex toy, and I love the genuinely revolutionary nature of their product. I believe that they introduced something many people enjoy, which had not been done before (or at least done well).

Now, the Starlet is a smaller version of their original concept. I think of it as the bullet vibe version of a clit suction toy. It costs less at $80 and it only has one button to cycle through all the settings. Marketing says it’s specifically designed to “fit in a handbag.” Now, I’m going to take all the gender assumptions in this product and I’m going to ball them up real tight, wrap them in foil to stop their radiation, and toss them into the garbage where they belong. PLEASE STOP NOW.

Okay this is fine. I’m fine. So let’s get to the actual product. I am fat. For context, I weigh in around 270 on a light day, I’m 5’9″ and I have some broad shoulders. I’m pretty sure I can only use the Starlet properly because I was a dancer, which gives me some flexibility in my back and shoulders. The Starlet is inconveniently small. I mention in my Satisfyer review that egg-shaped toys are a garbage idea, right there next to gendering things. The Starlet is roughly egg shaped, but the suction nozzle sticks out more. This is good because it’s less likely to go swimming in my labia, but it’s actually smaller than the Satisfyer, so it’s harder to grip. I suppose that evens out somehow?

I’ve been trying to use this toy for literal months now. I’m honestly behind on my review, and I feel bad about it. But I really wanted to try liking this toy. I’ve used it with partners, I’ve used it solo. I just cannot find any good use for this toy. Just like the Satisfyers, I find it to feel like nothing unless I turn it up way too much and then it feels like pain. My clit is actively trying to run away from these toys, and they just surround it with vibration and awful. Every orgasm I’ve gotten with this style of toy is just meh, and sometimes comes with pain. I have never had the mind-blowing orgasms I was promised, and I’m really not okay with trying so hard for such stupid orgasms.

The Womanizer Starlet sits on a paisley cloth. It faces away from the camera, which shows the back has a single button near the bottom and the rubber is embossed with a W.

Let me be honest: this toy has one thing that I really like about it: The charging port. This toy charges with a micro-USB cable and when I found that out, I lost my shit. Seriously, it is the bane of so many reviewers to have random, one-use cables around. They are all white or black (except Fun Factory is red, which is a blessing). And for this to use a cable that I have, which is useful for other things is extraordinary. I don’t have to immediately label it with “WOMANIZER STARLET” lest I lose the cable and need to reunite them. For $80, I would like to enjoy more than just the charging cable.

In short, I think that this toy is just as useless as the Satisfyer line, but with twice as much gendered marketing. That’s why it’s score is so much lower and I’m not sorry about it.

This toy was sent to me by Betty’s Toybox in exchange for an honest review. You can buy it in pink or purple (because those are the colors women get), or white (because they needed another color, but didn’t want us to forget our gender assignments. 

 

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