4 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a Blue Curacao. It sounds like it’s going to be amazing, and make anything better. But really, it’s just too much and overwhelms.
So when I saw this item on the list available, I was really excited. I have heard about subtle fetish wear. I consider it the high-class kink coding of apparel. I saw that pretty brown color and I decided to add it to my list of requests, thinking I would wear it to every party and enjoy how my partner pulled on it. I pictured me in lovely outfits with this around my neck and casually drinking champagne. I was completely drawn in by that fancy name which rolls off the tongue in a french accent I don’t have: Bijoux Indescret.
When it showed up at my door, I was scheduled to go to a Burlesque show that night. So I went upstairs with my new fun accessory and I attempted to put together an outfit for it. I was up there for at least an hour. My gender feelings were off. Then that color didn’t match. I had the choker on, switching out shirt after shirt. Make-up or no? Should I put in earrings or is that too much?
As it turns out, this choker is hard to match with. The color is fairly easy, as it’s tan and that’s a neutral color. But the style is anything but neutral. It’s got long tassels and it evokes the idea of a long neck. It completely erases my hick nature just putting it on. But the problem is that I am not a fancy, high-class human. I have button ups, but they all have plaid. I have dress pants, but they are all really stretchy pants that happen to come in black. As it turns out, this high-class aesthetic is hard to match unless you’re going to a cocktail party.
I even took this choker to Playground Conference, which is a fetish event in many ways, but I still couldn’t find a way to wear it. I have to let myself down easy here: I may not be the best person for this gorgeous high-brow attire.
However, here’s another thought. Why should I be working so hard to fit this choker into my life? Perhaps Bijoux isn’t my aesthetic, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love a choker that is. Something like those weird wire criss-cross ones I used to own when I was 12. Perhaps a simpler silver chain. A leather cord with some subtle words etched into it. These are things that I could fit into an everyday look. I feel that I would wear them more and feel more like myself wearing them.
Now, if a fancy event comes up, will I be able to wear this piece? Oh absolutely. But until the local country club lowers it’s prices, or possibly someone rich sweeps me off my feet, I will have to let this sit in it’s box collecting dust.
So this choker is really not my style, and that might be enough to earn a 4 in some cases, but it’s not the real reason it’s a 4 right now. I have my biggest, fattest bone to pick, so lean back and get comfy. This choker is extremely small. I wore it on the last hole, and it was still tight. Honestly, I’m sure that’s 40-50% of the reason why I don’t think it fits my aesthetic. Because it doesn’t even fit on my neck. I would also like to say that this is not a sized product either. This is a one-size necklace. So if your neck is bigger than (roughly) 17.5″, you are shit out of luck here.
I am fairly tired of companies ignoring plus sized folx in their quest to make money. I would spend so much money to have some accessories that fit my body. So would all the fat folx in the world. So why does this company ignore us? Well, it’s probably lost in the past like so many others. This isn’t an overt aggression on their part. But it is an aggression in many ways. I have a lot of anger about this choker because I loved the style. I love the feel of it. It’s classy. It’s pretty. It’s dainty. But it just doesn’t fit. So I’m done trying to make this work for me. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to wear a necklace. Instead, I’m going to wear the cord necklaces I already own.
Enjoy, straight-sized folx. There’s something better somewhere else for me.