10 out of 10 forever.
Pairs nicely with a drink that you choose, because it’s you that makes the decisions!
Content Warning: There is talk of consensual hair pulling, dom/sub dynamics and some devastatingly handsome selfies which may include a bit of chest showing.
So I’ve spent a good amount of time with partners, trying very hard to find out what I like and communicate this to my partners. Of course, the first thing that I communicate to partners these days is just how much I like having my hair pulled during play. I was thinking about this in the two months that my recent partner and I broke up. Primarily, because no one was pulling my hair, and it was truly awful.
What is it that I really love about hair? I thought about tweeting out a thread. I thought about writing it in my journal. But then I realized that I have something big and loud to say about hair, and I wanted to place in on here for all of you to read. Because yes, I really love hair that much.
When I was a kid, I never let anyone touch my hair. I never put it up because that felt weird. It was constantly tangled and I did my best to never wash it. Even then, I had my roots in being as close to garbage as possible. It wasn’t until I was 15 or so, after my father died and I had my masculine-style growth spurts that I began to think of my hair as part of my personality. I took to twitter to hear about other’s experiences of hair through childhood. Pillow Princess and Sex Bloggess had similar experiences to mine. Whether it was through active choices by parents or just lack of thought, their hair wasn’t part of expression until their teenage years, when it became important to their sense of self.
In my teenage years, I first experimented with color. I started with red because my mother would let me. But once that was in my hair, it was hard to argue against other colors. Reds made me feel older and powerful. Blues made me feel whimsical and silly. Purples made me feel serious. But my favorite was always the rainbow. I loved how rainbow hair made people look at me. It put me at the front of every picture. I felt like I could stand out without even trying and with just my hair, I was seen. I wasn’t invisible anymore. Hermione Danger talks about how her mother forgets that her signature hair color isn’t natural. Hair color is important no matter who you are, even if style falls by the wayside.
To illustrate this, I had unusual colors throughout high school, but I typically had a boring haircut. It would go through long and short stages, but it was never “edgy” or even particularly personalized. Now I understand that my hair usually can’t be edgy. It really just varies through different types of fluffy or cute. It just grows. Even in my teens, I never worried about putting it up or leaving it down. It boiled down to what was convenient. I believe that this was the first manifestation of my self-love.
Though my hair was “boring,” it was practical in the cut. I didn’t force myself to do anything with it unless I wanted to. The color was my interest piece. It started conversations and helped me feel less plain. I was always tall and broad. I was head-strong and also shy. So I faded into the background a lot. Those colors were the things that reminded me I wasn’t just another piece of scenery rolling by. It was grounding to feel special, and it felt like I could control something in my life where I struggled with sexuality and depression.
Once I became an adult and lived on my own, I found a lot more expression in my hair style. I was exploring my sexuality and my gender with zeal now. I began to feel like plain, long hair wasn’t me, and I gave myself an undercut. This felt like the first revolution of my hair style. It felt so liberating and it felt so queer. I don’t want anyone to walk away thinking there is a “queer style.” But to explore the norms of society and break them down in a bold visual way is subversive. This helps me feel more connected with the other ways I am subversive, which is primarily my queerness.
Dr. Timaree agreed that hair can make you stand out, but in a vulnerable way. She described a change in her hair color and how it made her need to face being openly stared out. She felt she had to be “cooler” to match this new color. Sex Bloggess also talked about growing hers out in order to have something to hide behind. This sentiment has been echoed across many friends of mine, who marvel over how I can cut and shave my head. How exposed I must be when I do this. The same exposure was echoed by Pillow Princess as she discussed her experience with chemo. Losing the option or hair was hard for her, and wigs were the method she used to continue feeling comfortable in her appearance.
For my hair style and brand, I focus on how it changes. My confidence comes from every person who says “You can just pull off anything, can’t you?” Because I can. I am a chameleon, but others find it to be better as a static style. It’s part of them to be seen with that style. Rose of Hedonish finds that her curly hair is part of her. She knows it’s awesome and that makes it easier for her to take on the world.
So hair is more than what we see. It’s what we feel. How we feel about ourselves, and how it feels to be exposed. Hair can make us powerful. I decided to write about hair because of it’s impact on my personal life, and self-perception. But I also wanted to write about how it has a huge role in my sex life. And this is the part of hair that I truly love. Hair is a tool of my foreplay, power play, and stimulation during all types of banging. For me, hair is everything I’ve covered so far, and it’s more than that.
How I put it up before I focus on someone’s pleasure. The way it falls over my ear as I lean in for a kiss. The way I feel a partner’s facial hair on my skin while they kiss my neck. The feeling of softness as I brush my best friend’s hair. The feeling of fingers in my hair as I give a blow job. The tug at the back of my scalp as a dom pulls me directly into subspace. These are some of the ways that my hair has been used during sex.
I have felt someone pulling on my hair in passion, when a partner just needs something to hold on to. (My blow jobs are really good, okay?) I have felt tugs that are calculated, a message. “If you don’t move your head exactly this way at exactly this moment, I will be displeased.” The nature of hair in a sexy scene is dependent on the people in the scene, and the moment that is occurring. I have commonly experienced both of these in the same encounter.
Just recently, I experienced a partner who loved pubic hair. As he gently massaged my hips and thighs, he played with my genital hair. His gentle tugs on my vulva felt amazing. It helped me to embrace my vulva, which I hadn’t really worked on before. The hair there is thick and curly, which isn’t like any other hair on my body. I worried that partners would always hate it, feel gross from touching it. Because of this interaction, I realize how much our society has shaped me, and I haven’t cut or shaved it since.
I do still shave my legs, but that has very little to do with society anymore. I love sitting in a bathtub for an hour and really pay attention to myself. I carefully cut away the hair and admire the spring of my own skin. I spread lotion onto my legs afterwards. It’s not the hair going away that makes it feel nice. It’s the care with which I cut it away that makes it feel like I’ve made time to work on myself. It’s small and perhaps not useful, but it makes me happy and it’s something I can do without agonizing over the reaction because it’s so “normal.” Hair is self-care.
Hair isn’t just a social message, it can be a sexual one. Touching hair (with permission of course) can be intimate. It can be loving. But it can be degrading. It can mean control and subspace. It can mean passion and rewards. Taking care of hair is a type of self-care. Having it long can be a protection. Having it short can be a statement. (And those two can be switched, obviously.) Hair is beautiful. Lack of hair is beautiful. Hair is so versatile and wonderful, and I think that I’m going to continue celebrating my hair throughout my life. I encourage everyone to explore themselves, and hair is such a quick and visual way to do that! Plus it usually grows back, so if you don’t like the changes, they are only temporary!
If you have positive hair feelings and/or stories, let me know. I live for stories where people are proud of their attributes!