Indigo Writes: Introductions

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the eleventh post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

This is another piece of erotica that I have been kicking around for a couple of weeks now. I am really proud of it, but it is definitely over 7,500 words. Enjoy, and Happy Holidays!

“What do you like about them?”
“His hair is so curly. And that beard, holy hell. And look at how tall he is!”
“First off, they use they/them. Their name is Ben.”
“Wait! You know this person and you didn’t say?!”
“No, I like watching you gush. It’s very cute. And also, it gave me an idea. You know how I like to introduce my friends to each other. I was thinking that Ben would like to know you. And now that I know you want to know them…”
Colin smiled at me across the table. Fuck, I fell for it every time. I felt myself blush and I knew he could tell I was embarrassed about it. Though he never described himself as kinky, Colin sure did like me in predicaments. He said it was sort of a unique dynamic to him, and I was grateful for it. The fact that I was unique in this tangible way was a comfort during my depressive episodes.
“And besides, I know he’s kinky. Well, at least kinkier than me. You know how I am.”
Despite his words, our sex was still some of the kinkiest I knew. He was magic with his hands, and surprisingly, his feet. I never understood how that happened.
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind an introduction. Especially if I can touch that beard.”
Colin winked at me as the door to the cafe shut behind us.

I smiled in the mirror assessing my appearance as I stepped into the cargo pants and tank top. It was hard to believe someone once said cargo pants weren’t flattering on anyone. Clearly, they hadn’t known my ass very well. I shoved the last hair band around my bun and left the bathroom into the hotel room. Ben and Colin were on the bed and couch respectively. They had been chatting, probably about something I didn’t know about.

There had been some easy drinks laid out. A little rum and juice to help the hotel room feel more like home. I grabbed my cup and sat on the bed next to Ben. Honestly, I was already turned on. Even if Ben wasn’t going to fuck me, I had a hotel room with Colin and that would be enough. However, it was an ideal night, and the chatter continued casually.
I don’t know what shifted the mood, but as I came back from drinking a cup of water, Colin suddenly stood and said “I can’t resist,” before leaning in for a kiss. I wet my lips a little and stretched my neck to his. It was only about a four inch difference, but he was my first partner to be taller than me, which always seemed to make him smile.
We got lost for a little bit, letting our familiar movements land. A tongue flick, a nibble of the bottom lip. It was clear that I was more aggressive with my lips and teeth, even though I had never shown aggression anywhere else. I heard Ben chuckle behind me and turned as he stood up.
“Good lord you’re tall.”
“Probably about 6’6″, honestly.” He looked a bit shy as I said it.
I felt a little bad and stepped to them, reaching up with both hands. On tip-toe, I closed the eight inch difference as I said softly “It’s exquisite.”
We met and I think it shocked them when I immediately found their upper lip and pulled on it a little with my lips. I was never good at subtle making out, honestly. However, we found each other’s pace after about 15 seconds or so. Their beard felt amazing around my lips and I gently let my fingers comb through it, admiring the textures on my lips and hands at the same time. We laughed nervously through our moans and let ourselves ease into a deeper kiss.
I saw a motion in the side of my vision, and I felt Colin’s hands on my shoulders. Ben let go of my lips and eased their hands around my breasts. Their hands were gentle, but the silent admiration was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to smile at them, but my chin was pulled to the side and Colin kissed my cheek.
“Did you wear what I requested?” Ben’s voice was deeper than before, and I felt myself flush.
“Excellent,” Colin said in my ear and began nibbling at my back and shoulders. This man could find my turn-ons in a microsecond. I began to feel my words slipping away as Colin’s hands ran over my shoulders, and Ben’s under my breasts. Colin bit a little harder into my neck and then went back to my ear.
“And did you wear something for me?”
I swallowed a little as Ben’s hands found their way up my shirt.
And I was lost again as Colin’s hands found the back of my pants and grabbed my ass.
“Good girl. Arms up and turn around.”
I lifted my arms and faced Colin. I immediately saw darkness as my top was taken over my head, and I felt my pants come undone. Ben took the opportunity to bite my shoulder and I gasped louder than I intended. Their hands were back on my tits, admiring the lace bra I had managed to find. The gasp was muffled as Colin put his lips on mine again and went to town. With a little drop of his shoulders, he pulled at the skin around my lower back and the crest of my butt.
We continued like this for a few minutes. My hands roamed over arms and shoulders wherever I could reach them, and my lips were caught sometimes with Colin’s and sometimes in moans. It wouldn’t take much longer for me to cum like this. Finally Ben undid my bra and pulled it off. It was apparently a good transition point because Colin grabbed my thong and pulled that down, forcing me to open my legs in the process.
All that work picking it out, and it wasn’t even enjoyed that much.
“And now,” Colin said as he grabbed my shoulders, “it’s time for introductions.”
He smiled and steered me back to the bed where he pushed me down onto my back and pushed his hands gently pressing my chest. He wasn’t straddling me, which was perfect for Ben to watch and for me to see them watching
“Ben, this is Andy. Today, she is using she/her pronouns, but that changes. And sometimes she also likes to be called a cute boy when you fuck her. She likes to be groped, and apparently, she wants a threesome. Checking in, Andy. Is this still true?”
My brain reeled as I thought of saying “No.” It was a little scary to be here with two people stronger than me. But I made eye contact with Colin and reminded myself that we had safety procedures in place and how much trust we had.
“Yes, please.”
His hands moved down my torso, and he leaned back, giving Ben their choice of my other side, which was on near the bottom edge of the bed, or between my legs, which opened as Colin’s hand slip between my thighs.
Ben knelt on the floor next to my left side. I could feel Colin’s breath on one side, and Ben’s on the other. I let my eyes close and my mouth open as I moaned. Colin’s fingers were pulling at my pubic hairs gently. Occasionally, he would push them into the mass, looking for lubricant and my clit at the same time.
Ben hesitated at first, their fingers trailing my shoulder and arm. However, I felt their other hand reach up for my hair and pull out my hairband. The tugs pushed my face towards Colin, who immediately kissed me. But Ben pulled my hair gently and pulled my face to theirs. It was more forceful this time, with their teeth pulling at my bottom lip. At the same time, Colin found my clit and pushed hard the way I love. With Ben’s other hand on my nipple and their weight slightly on my chest, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sensation and I felt myself orgasm finally.
My moans came in erratic bursts around Ben’s lips. My hips rocked into Colin’s hand. My hands grasped at both the bedspread and my thighs, with my nails raking both. My legs twitched from the pressure in my clit. It lasted for about half a minute at that intensity before it subsided. My moans turned into long breaths as the last twitches faded from my limbs.
“Oh yeah, and it doesn’t take a lot to make her cum. She’s very responsive.”
Colin was still rubbing my clit. It hurt in the best way. I knew that I would take much more than a little pain before I’d ever ask him to stop. He probably knew that too.
“She likes pressure more than movement most of the time. But once you’ve started, you can keep going as long as you want. It’s pretty impressive.”
I listened only vaguely as Colin explained a few more things. Every time his movements changed, I moaned. He showed how I liked both g-spot and a-spot stimulation. He pulled hard at my nipples.
“Love, don’t make it too easy on them. They should have to discover some things too.” I’m not really sure how I managed to moan out any words after having so many types of stimulation in a row.
Colin smiled at me and pulled his hand out. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself, but suddenly, there were new fingers in my cunt. Ben had slid down the bed and taken over for Colin. They smiled as I began to respond to their hands. Colin watched for a second, and I reached a hand to his chest, hoping to feel his skin. But before I could touch him, he grabbed my hands and lifted them above my head. I gasped under this sudden change at the same time that Ben’s thumb landed on my clit.
Colin smiled at me and watched my arms struggle under his weight. He had adjusted and managed to pin both of my arms with one of his. Stupid tall humans and their strength. He began to pull at my nipples with the other hand.
“You think you’re strong? I have you pinned with one arm, silly. And now they get to watch you squirm.”
Any words would have been good coming from those lips, but those words were especially excellent. I growled as my body involuntarily jerked. My core was tense, trying to curl up, but still grind my clit into Ben’s hand. I felt his fingers in me, alternating between my a-spot and my g-spot. It felt amazing, and the stamina of those hands was truly impressive.
“That’s right, love. If you show them one orgasm like you did for me, then you get to have both of our cocks. You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”
My world was isolated to sensations. Ben’s fingers inside me, his breath on my stomach as he got excited. I felt a bit of my own juices sliding down towards my ass. Colin’s arm pressing my arms into the bed. His breath on my ear, and his other hand groping my tits. How did he have the core strength to hold that position?
That’s when my body finally had enough. I saw Colin’s chest tense as I pulled against his arms. My back tried to curl one way, then another, working through waves. I felt my legs press closed, trapping Ben’s hand. In a brief moment, I saw his smile as he tried to keep up with my bucking. My mouth was making some kind of noise that might have been crying out, but clearly it was pleasure, not pain.
Finally one arm broke free, and I got it down to my clit. Ben’s hand was still inserted, but his thumb had left my clit free. I pressed into it hard, willing the orgasm to last longer. It began to slow down bit by bit. I let my legs relax finally, and Ben slowly pulled their hand out. My fingers left my clit just as slowly. I looked up just in time to see them licking their middle finger while watching me slowly relax. It was such a hot thing to see, I licked my lips without thinking. They laughed.
“Wow, kid. You do have some impressive orgasms. What a treat.”
“I told you,” Colin said as he let go of me. “You need some breathing room?”
I nodded and slowly pushed myself up. Colin’s hands brushed my shoulders gently. I leaned in a little and he began to gently massage. It was on of my favorite feelings when we banged. Ben seemed a little awkward standing there, so I grabbed their hand pressed it into my cheek, feeling the warmth and smelling myself on their fingers. I looked up at them for a second, and then stood up.
“You okay, Andy?”
“Yeah, just let me smell you.”
“Uh. Okay?”
I wrapped my arms under theirs and pressed my face into their shirt, breathing deeply. I could feel the confusion in their stance. I imagined Ben and Colin making eye contact behind my back. I could basically hear Colin shrug, but this is what I needed. The smell of my partners is so important. Do they use a specific soap? How does their shoulder smell different from their neck? Ben’s hands caressed my hair and shoulders for a few seconds while I calmed down.
I heard Colin shift a little, and turned my head so I could see him. He was laid on the bed, still woefully in his jeans and t-shirt.
“I feel under dressed,” I said.
I let got of Ben and climbed onto the bed, purposefully choosing to climb over Colin and settle near the headboard. I stared pointedly at my companions. The both smiled. Ben was gentle and genuinely amused. Colin’s smile told me he knew I was being a brat on purpose. He might have replied daring me to undress him if it was just the two of us. Ours was a unique dynamic, which teased kinky, but never actually used that word.
Ben started first with their pants. I wondered why I always started with my shirt. It was a habit I wanted to break, but really, it made the most sense to my body. Were people assigned male at birth different for a reason?
I got pulled from my thoughts as I noticed Ben’s underwear. They were simple briefs, but the bulge at the front was nothing to sneeze at. I suppose when you get to bang someone taller than you, they are bound to be big in other ways too. At the same time, Colin was undressing. His bulge was just as distracting, but familiar. I was suddenly intimidated by the task at hand. Two cocks at the same time was definitely going to be a hurdle. I wasn’t about to back down, but I definitely didn’t know where to start.
It was good that I had Colin there to remind me what to do. Both had gotten their shirts off, and wow did they look good. I rolled off the side of the bed and walked to Ben. I kissed their chest and let my hands roam over their shoulders and stomach, using my nails just a little.
Their cock was already half erect, probably from the show earlier. I looked up at them.
“May I?”
“Please do, kitten.”
Woof. No one had ever called me that before. I felt my cunt tense and get a little wetter still. I lowered myself to my knees and began massaging the area around the root of their penis. It was fun to play with the hairs. Gently caressing their balls.
I looked up at them and asked “What do you enjoy from someone’s mouth?”
“Well, I like to pull hair, but I was told that you prefer to be left alone at first. So I’ll just let you know that I don’t particularly enjoy my balls being played with.”
“Thank you for that.”
I let my hand move back up to the shaft and gently kissed the tip. I teased with my tongue just a little before allowing the natural suction to pull the whole head into my mouth. Wide and long. This was not going to be a night for deep-throat work. I moved my head up and down a little, letting the natural rhythm of my breathing set the pace. Ben was frustratingly silent as I did this, so I pulled him in just a little more on the next round, letting my tongue slide under the head. Finally the gasped a little.
I went on for as long as my jaw would hold, and when it hurt too much, I pulled away, letting a trail of saliva slide down my chin. I looked up as they opened their eyes and smiled.
“I like what you can do there, kitten.”
They used their thumb to wipe away a little trail of spit, and smear it over my lips. It was a subtle, but dominating movement and I immediately felt a little smaller. I continued to lick their cock, running my lips down the underside, and gently around the head. My hand grasped the shaft and applied a little pressure at the root. They let me play for a few more minutes, and I had almost forgotten Colin was in the room.
Finally, Ben placed a hand on my cheek and pushed me gently back so I sat on my heels.
“Good work, kitten. How about you show the same love to Colin.”
I looked behind me and Colin was on the bed, laying against the headboard. His hand was gently stroking down his shaft while he watched. I immediately crawled onto the bed and kissed him. We exchanged kisses for a few seconds before he pulled away.
“You’re really hot when you suck cock. Let me see it from this angle.”
I eagerly obeyed. I crawled down to get a better angle between his legs. I started the same way. A gentle kiss, which I allowed to grow into a full sucking motion. I cupped his balls gently the way I knew he enjoyed. He was much more responsive. There were small moans and curses in there. I was doing this perfectly.
Ben came up onto the bed and began playing with my ass. I stopped sucking briefly to moan as his hands massaged my hips and cheeks. However, Colin would have none of it, and pulled my head back down.
“Back to work, girl. Let them do what they need to do,” Colin said.
“Wow, your ass is really fantastic,” Ben said as they slapped it gently.
Their hands continued to roam over my body, until I felt their fingers brush my anus just a little. I moaned with my lips still on Colin’s shaft, where I had moved to give my jaw a break. I eased open my legs, supporting more weight with my shoulders.
“You’re still so wet, Kitten. It’s a wonder you haven’t slipped in this mess.”
Ben’s fingers slipped into my cunt again, pushing against my g-spot. It was a delicious feeling. Their other hand was on my back to keep their balance. I felt myself melt a little bit as they moved their hand in and out. I couldn’t feel the exact number of fingers, but it felt amazing.
“Do you need some pillows, hon?” Colin had noticed my knees sliding.
“Yes, please.”
We all paused for a minute as we pulled some pillows off the second bed and arranged them under my hips to help keep me stable. Once I was in place sucking Colin’s dick again, Ben resumed their work. This time, they had a bottle of lube next to them.
I moaned continuously, trying to keep focused on the cock in my mouth, but it was getting harder as Ben added more fingers to my pussy. Somehow, as I was focusing running my tongue around the head of Colin’s cock, I felt some cold lube drip around my asshole. I immediately squeaked, knowing what was coming. My back tried to curl, but I reminded myself to relax. It wasn’t going to be fun if I tensed all over.
Allowing my hips to rest on the pillows a bit more, I continued to move my tongue over the head of Colin’s dick. His moans were a little more steady. I knew I was slacking in my duty, but it couldn’t be helped.
Finally, with their hand never having left my pussy, Ben pushed a finger into my ass. I moaned and let my head rest to the side of Colin’s pelvis. It felt amazing. They worked both hands for a second, and then slid a second finger into my ass. I relaxed even more, allowing the pleasure to take over. A third finger followed quickly.
“Holy shit…babe. Holy…” I moaned.
“Yeah? You really are easy. Look at how fast I could get three fingers in you. Should I try for the fourth?”
“Yes, oh my god yes.”
Colin cut in “Should I move, or do you want to keep sucking me off?”
Ben’s fourth finger slipped into my ass easily, and I shuddered for a second before returning to my job. Let it never be said I was a slacker. However, it was starting to get harder and harder to suck when all I wanted to do was moan. The moans were getting louder with each movement Ben made. Colin tried to help me out by thrusting a little, but it was no use.
I let go of Colin’s dick and screamed as I was hit with a huge orgasm. I tensed in place, trying not to move, but my toes curled and my head pushed into Colin’s leg. His hand wove into my hair, and pulled it gently. I reached up with my hands and grabbed his hips. Not for any reason except that I needed to get out some tension. My hips began to buck and my voice alternated between crying out loud and gasping for sounds.
Finally, I felt some of the tension leave. I was reduced to gasps as my arms relaxed. Colin’s hand stroked my hair as Ben removed their fingers. I let my legs uncurl.
“Great work, kitten. But I’m not done yet,” Ben said as they removed the gloves they had on.
I turned as much as I could without moving from my post, and they climbed back onto the bed, with a condom in hand.
“I want this pussy around my cock right now.”
I widened my legs for them, showing how excited I was. I opened my mouth and took Colin’s dick once more. He moaned as I sucked with new vigor. His hand wound around my shoulders and in my hair. He was a terrible bottom. Always had to be doing something.
Suddenly, I was full of Ben. They pushed their way easily into my extremely lubricated cunt. They went slowly at first, but when I lifted my hips, inviting them in, they quickly picked up the pace. I moaned around Colin’s cock. He was doing more work now, thrusting as I sucked. It was hard to keep everything up.
“Hon, I’m gonna come soon. Shift up just a little and relax,” Colin advised.
I moved up about four inches, and Ben came with me. This allowed me to open my jaw and bend my neck down.
“That’s right, rest your head on my stomach, and take the whole load for me.”
It was a lot to handle. I felt myself tense up with another orgasm. This one was much smaller than the last few. I threw my hips into Ben’s willing them to go deeper and harder. It was smaller, but it lasted longer. I didn’t yell, but I moaned a lot.
“I’m cumming, hon.”
Colin’s hand grabbed the back of my head and gently held me in place. I felt my own orgasm peak a bit as Colin’s semen filled my mouth. I felt it on my tongue first. It was warmer than everything else. As it kept filling my mouth, I could feel the stickiness of it. It was on the roof of my mouth, and just inside my lips. My back continued to tense and release. Colin’s orgasm had elongated mine. It took all my concentration to keep my jaw slack. The tension in my face caused tears to leak out of my eyes, onto Colin’s stomach. Finally, his hand let go, and I released his dick. I moaned as semen leaked out of the corner of my mouth. I had mostly swallowed so that I could moan more. The bitter taste was a little distracting, but there was still a dick in my pussy, so I bore with it.
I turned back to see if I could look at them, but it was no use. I was too spent, and my fat rolls got in the way.
“Fuck, kitten. You feel amazing. You don’t have to do a thing right now, and I’m gonna cum.”
“Yes, please cum in me.”
“Oh yeah? You looked so sexy taking that load. I love watching you drool over someone’s cock.”
They seemed to talk themselves closer to orgasm. I could feel their thrusts getting more hurried. Their breath came in short gasps. I could tell I wasn’t going to orgasm again, but it felt amazing to have them move. I pulled my hands under me and lifted my weight to my arms. It was easier to rock back into their hips this way.
“Oh yes, kitten. I love how much you want me.”
“I want you so much.”
They thrust a little harder, and I felt them begin to cum. I pushed my ass into their stomach, but moved a little less. They pushed even harder once. Twice. And a third time, they held, wiggling a little near the end. I moaned with satisfaction as they came inside me. They grunted hard, and I felt their tension relax a little. A few more quick thrusts after a second, and they stopped, leaning against my ass.
“Wow, kitten. That was amazing. Your pussy is truly divine.”
“Thank you.”
Ben pulled out and slowly removed the condom. I allowed myself to fall to the side and was about to curl up.
“Hold up, hon. Come up here and let me take care of you,” Colin said.
He moved over a little so that he was on the right side of the bed and I crawled up to his shoulder. It took longer than it should have, but I think he enjoyed watching my struggle. I let my head fall onto his shoulder and his hands gently rubbed my arm. We relaxed while Ben threw the condom away and cleaned a little bit. They grabbed two cups from the table and filled them with water. They handed one to me and the other to Colin. I sat up and began drinking it.
“Sure, kitten.”
I shivered a little. That word again. I don’t know how someone could make me feel so small with just one word. This was certainly going to be a dangerous precedent to set so early in the relationship. I would be lying if I said it really bothered me. I enjoyed being wrapped around a finger, and Ben had some really excellent fingers.
“Drink up, Andy. We aren’t done with you yet.”
I smiled into my cup and dutifully drank all of it while Colin stroked my back. Ben had gone to get their own water and was enjoying that on the couch. We all took the opportunity to recover and smile at each other. It was a very hot session.
“You know, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I do feel like my ass has gotten about half of the attention it deserves,” I said as I climbed off the bed. Colin smacked my ass as I moved past him.
“Don’t be a brat,” Colin said.
I set my cup on the table and stuck my tongue out at Colin. It was a silent tease. However, it was answered by Ben. They got up from the couch and gently grabbed my hair. They gently used their fingers to push my lips open and placed two fingers into my mouth.
“Ah ah, kitten. I didn’t say I was done with your ass, did I? It’s nice to know we both want the same thing, but I get to tell you what’s happening, remember?”
They moved their fingers and turned my shoulders to face them. They took control and roughly kissed me, not leaving any question of who was in charge. I moaned around their lips, as their hands roughly pulled at my nipples.
“Ah, you enjoy nipple play? How rough do you like it, little kitten?”
I giggled. “If I can put on a shirt without wincing, you failed.”
They laughed out loud. It was a booming laugh. Genuine. It touched me in a place that didn’t make my cunt tremble. It was a place that I could imagine genuine feelings forming from. This adorable human was dangerous for my well-being a I loved it.
But it was no time to worry about that. Their lips were back at mine and their handles pulled harder at my nipples. They pinched as I moaned, testing how much I would take before moving away. I think they were pleasantly surprised by my threshold. I moaned my way through their pinching and pulling while their teeth tugged on my lips. It was a great way to get me worked up, but I could tell it was helping them too. Their erection was slowly starting to grow again.
“To the bed.”
It was an order murmured forcefully into my mouth, but they followed it up with a push. It wasn’t enough for me to hit the floor, but I did stumble a little bit. I got to the bed and sat down, waiting for the next instruction. Ben wasted no time. They got down on their knees and pulled my hips towards them. I hesitated just a hair, but opened my legs and laid back. When I looked towards the head of the bed, Colin was lounging again, just smiling and stroking his cock gently.
Ben lost no time. Their face was buried deep in my vulva. I lifted my pelvis a bit to let their tongue find my clit. They let it play there for a second, but quickly pushed it between my labia. I let myself be taken into the sensations. Receiving oral wasn’t historically my favorite, but I focused on their hands around my thighs and their tongue pushing across my vulva. It wouldn’t be enough to make me orgasm on it’s own. It would also be something to work on later, which I didn’t have an audience. I didn’t know if Ben would be comfortable receiving feedback with Colin there.
I let them play with me, moaning when things felt good and stretching my hands up to Colin when I needed to release tension being built. It was a perfect tease to get me ready for what I knew was coming.
They pulled away, and I could see the fluids in their beard. My fluids. I knew the smell so well, even though it had changed recently thanks to the hormones. I had just enough time to smile before they adjusted to slip their fingers inside me again. Somehow, they smoothly stood up and brought their face to mine. How the hell did both of these people have such strong cores? They smelled strongly of me, and I felt a brief moment of pride. That was me stuck in their beard. I was the dominant smell on them.
Their lips brushed mine, allowing their bread to paint my face with my own smell. They waited for a minute, inviting me up to them. I lifted my head, but couldn’t connect. I opened my eyes as their fingers stopped. Their eyes were playful, but stern. This was a test. I lifted more, trying hard to reach my lips to theirs. They moved again, evading me. I pouted and let my head fall back. Then they suddenly clenched his fingers into my g-spot and pressed their lips into mine hard. I gasped and they took the opportunity to stick their tongue in my mouth. It was a ploy of dominance. I didn’t paint them with my smell. they painted me with my own. It was a warning not to get too cocky.
They continued like this for another few minutes. Teasing, and then dominating. Their fingers alternated between my g-spot and my clit. I was pretty sure there was a puddle underneath me.
“Hey, Ben, I’m starting to get a bit cold up here.”
I had almost forgotten Colin was there. Again. Ben smiled and then pulled away, leaving me open and exposed. Their hand trailed discharge down my thigh as they pulled out and I didn’t move, waiting for their order.
“Well, kitten. You heard him. Go warm him up.”
I flipped over and looked at Colin. He wasn’t quite erect, but he was getting closer. I climbed up to him, feeling a whole new energy. It was time for the main event, at last.
I straddled Colin, letting his cock rest between my ass cheeks and bent down to kiss him. He leaned into it and we exchanged familiar tongue motions and nibbled on each other’s lips. He pulled my head to the side and began to chew on my neck that way he was so good at. I moaned into his ear and let my hips slide back a little. I could feel him more erect, and began to wiggle, hoping to stroke him a little with the motions.
“Oh yes, Andy. That’s excellent,” Colin moaned into my shoulder.
He chewed harder on my neck and his hands groped around my shoulders and down my back. He was looking for some hold. I was beginning to lose some control from being so turned on. I was focused on keeping my weight on my hands.
I stopped him and turned to Ben, who was already holding out a condom. They had already put one on their own cock, and they had evidently been enjoying the mini show, because they were hard as a rock. I lifted myself back to straddle Colin’s legs and tore open the condom wrapper. I pinched the top and slowly rolled the sides down. Colin, grabbed it and finished because he knew I was still timid about the process. He smiled at me.
“Good job, hon.”
I wiggled a little at the praise. Then I gently lifted my hips and lowered myself onto his cock. He tried to help get inserted at first, but I swatted his hand away with an internal eye roll. He cannot reach into my labia to help, no matter how much he thinks he can. I felt his cock enter, and I let myself down all the way, easing my knees apart just a little more. He let his eyes half close, and I began to move a little bit. It was more just to make sure he was fully erect, but he moaned a little and his hands rubbed my thighs.
I suddenly felt more weight on the bed and Colin’s legs opened a little behind me, allowing Ben the room they needed to get right behind me.
“Hey kitten, you gotta lean forward.”
I felt their whisper more than I heard it because their lips were right on my ear. I shivered at the feeling, and their hands gently pushed my shoulders forward. I slowly leaned forward, adjusting my hips as I went to keep Colin inserted. I slipped back a little and lifted my ass a little. This would allow Colin more room to thrust, and exposed more of my ass to Ben.
Colin had lifted his arms, and let me nestle mine under. I let more weight fall onto his chest.
“Let me know if it’s too much weight, okay?”
“I will, don’t worry,” he smile and kissed my cheek.
his hands found my shoulders. It wasn’t an easy position to hold, but I wasn’t sure we would have to hold it long. I was already so turned on, and Ben was going to have the easiest time out of the three of us.
I squeaked a little as I felt the lube on my ass again. Their fingers worked it into my anus and onto their cock. I breathed out as they gently pushed the tip against me.
“Let me know when we need to stop, kitten. I’m all ears.”
They pushed a little, and it felt amazing. I had Colin’s cock in me, and here was Ben’s, longer and a tad thicker. I moaned, wrapping my lips around a piece of Colin’s shoulder. They eased in a little more, and I let myself relax even more. They kept going until they were all the way in. I felt a tiny twinge of pain as my muscles tensed.
“Hold here for a second,” I said, feeling a little bit of wetness in my eyes. I didn’t think this would be the type of session where I would cry, but the sensations must have overwhelmed me.
“You got it kitten,” Ben said.
We all waited, breathing a little deeper. I moaned a little as I shifted slightly. My chest was pressing into Colin’s and his hands were gently pulling at my hair and shoulders. I felt my muscles relax even more, and the pain left.
“Okay. You can go now. Slow at first.”
Ben slowly pulled out a little, and I moaned again. There was so much happening all over my body. Colin’s breath on my shoulder and my legs around his hips. His cock inside me as he slowly rocked his hips up. Ben slowly pressing into me again. Their hands on my hip and back.
There was one more faint pain as Ben began to speed up a little bit, but it gave way to a full and satisfied sensation. I continued to moan, and stopped trying to shift as they went a little faster.
“Holy shit, kitten. You feel amazing.”
“I think this tightened your pussy up more than that plug, Andy.”
I could hear their moans, and I lifted my ass a little, countering Ben pushing in and Colin’s pulling out. I was starting to feel a rhythm and my holes were starting to loosen up from the lube and motion.
“Fuck me.”
I growled it into Colin’s shoulder, but it was loud enough for them to hear.
“You sure, kitten?”
“Yes, please. Fuck me. Hard. More. Now.”
Ben took the order like a champ and increased their movements. It was deeper and faster. I felt their grunts with each push. Colin groaned a little under me, but he was struggling to thrust properly without his legs.
It didn’t matter, because I was drooling into his shoulder. It felt so amazing. Ben was pushing harder and I could feel their hands over my ass, groping and occasionally smacking it. I let out a squeal every time, and I think that was part of what they liked. It wasn’t long before my body began to shake. It was too hot for me to handle.
“I think I’m gonna come.”
“Yes, kitten, come for me.”
I let my tension go. I felt myself crying out, and it felt like sobbing. I heard Colin breathing harder. I felt his hand pull my hair, and I curled my neck into it, stretching open my mouth in a pathetic scream. Ben thrust harder, grabbing my hips and leaning more weight into Colin and I. My holes both tensed as I began to feel waves of the orgasm crashing over me. I was sobbing into Colin’s shoulder, with my hands under his arms, nails digging into his biceps.
I heard Ben start to orgasm right after me.
“Oh fuck, baby. God this feels amazing.”
Their thrusts were even more powerful now, and I rocked my ass back into their cock, trying to get as much as possible into me. I felt Colin slip out of my pussy, and I wanted that back, but it was too late. I was in the middle of a huge orgasm, and Ben was working through their own too. We came without Colin, rocking into each other, and I felt lube and vaginal discharge leak out over his cock.
“That’s right. Come for us, hon. This is so fucking hot.”
Ben finally stopped and gently pulled out. I was trying to catch my breath, but Colin had started moving his hands up and down my body. I didn’t quite realize that Ben had left the bed, but apparently, Colin had. He grabbed me and began to turn me onto my back.
“Come on, hot stuff. I need to fuck you hard right now.”
I was still feeling tender and disoriented, but I let him turn me onto my back. He was inside before I could tell what happened. I moaned, and he smiled over me.
“That’s right, Andy. I get to fuck you hard because I didn’t come with you and Ben.”
I moaned my consent and grabbed his arms, trying to be as responsive as usual. But it wasn’t working, and he knew it. He grabbed my hands one after the other and put them above my head. I could feel his weight over them with one arm. I was pinned. I looked at him still thrusting into me. Fucking tall asshole. Immediately, his other hand came up to my mouth and pulled my head to the side.
“I know what you’re thinking and you can stop sassing me now.”
I moaned. How did this non-kinky human do these things?!
I struggled against his weight, trying to get anything free so I could thrash. I was feeling overwhelmed by sensations again. But his hold was good, and I was tired from having so many orgasms already. All I could do was lay back and lift my hips, trying to let him deeper into me.
“You want me to come in your pussy?”
“Yes please.”
“You have to say it.”
“I want you to please come in my pussy. Please.”
“Good girl.”
I tensed once more, arching my back and letting my feet push against the bedding. It was amazing to feel so taken, and to be praised. The orgasm was small, but it was enough for Colin, who began thrusting with more intensity, but in shorter bursts. He moaned in my ear.
“Fuck, you’re so easy to…fuck.”
I cried a little, feeling some tears trickle out of my eyes. Colin thrust a few more times, releasing his semen into the condom, and then he relaxed. He let me have my arms and face back. I stretched my arms out and gently lifted my head to kiss him. It was soft and caring. We did that for a few seconds, and then he pulled out and got off the bed to take off the condom. I felt very cold and left.
Ben came up to me and I pulled their arm, indicating I wanted them on the bed with me. They climbed on and we shifted so that I was in the center. I buried my head into their shoulder and let out a few sobs. They were just left over tension from the evening’s activities. They quietly stroked my hair as I burrowed into their chest and wrapped my legs into theirs.
Colin eventually came from the bathroom. We were already half-asleep. He turned out the lights and climbed onto my other side. I could feel that he was wearing soft pants, and I eased my ass back, gently pressing it into his pelvis. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around my middle. I laced my fingers with his, and we rested them between my chest and Ben’s. And that’s how I fell asleep.
I blinked my eyes open a little as my hand slipped from Colin’s. He was up and moving around. Ben was still snoring soundly. It was already 7?
Colin quietly bustled around the room, putting on clothes and picking up possessions. I watched him from where I was with my head on Ben’s chest. Somehow, I ended up under a blanket, with my legs wrapped around Ben’s left leg. They were on their back, with their arm behind my shoulders.
Colin had everything and glanced back at me. We made eye contact and I lifted myself up. He walked over and we kissed once, letting it linger at little.
“Thanks for the introduction, hot stuff.”
“No problem. Have fun on your date today.”
“Good bye. I love you.”
“I love you too, hon.”
We kissed again, quicker this time. Colin pulled away first and smiled at me. As he opened the door, I settled onto Ben’s chest again, waiting for the 9 o’clock alarm before I would get up.

Indigo is Non-Monogamous

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the second post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

10 out of 10
A long time ago, I wrote a post about being monogamous. I was in a happy and healthy relationship. I didn’t see that changing at the time, and the post still holds a lot of positive memories for me. However, a lot did change in that time. I’m single again, but I’ve come into a new identity as non-monogamous, which has helped me to create some beautiful new things in my world.
Between August and October, I didn’t really see anyone other than my roommates, classmates and coworkers. I wasn’t super social and I kept myself in my work. Needless to say, I didn’t see any bang buddies, partners or even potentials. Then all of a sudden, in a two week span, I had one play partner at my house for three days, reconnected with some old friends who have play partner potential, played with a new person at a party, and visited someone for a weekend who appears to be a consistent play partner. It has been a wild time for my brain as I begin to tease apart all my connections and what they mean for me.
To start off with, I have a hard time with the word “partner.” I hesitate to use it with anyone who I’ve just played with unless we have a conversation. Why? It feels like it gets weighed down with expectations. I expect a Bang Buddy to want to bang, and maybe mention that to me if they are in my city. This is on the same level as friend in my head. But I expect a partner to make time for me, and for them to expect that from me. My roommate says that what I call a partner, she calls a friend. Part of that is maybe because she is on the asexual spectrum, which inherently makes our relationship styles different. But part of it may be our inherently different levels of commitment.
I have a tendency to fear relationships because I fear I won’t understand the nature of a relationship and do something to make the other person uncomfortable. As a result, I am very clear about the nature of my relationships. I can separate kink from sex, which I can separate from emotions. I made sure I could do all this because I don’t want to be hurt by my own emotions, which often come on strong and sudden after physical contact. Play Partner/Bang Buddy is a sexual word. Dominant is a kink word. But Partner is an emotional word. And emotions are frightening. So I try not to use it unless there is some type of connection established.
I almost feel like I can’t have casual partners. That may be a struggle right now, as I recover from a hard year. I feel like I need someone who does support me and sends love and affection very often. And because casual partners send some, but not enough, I feel like I will ask for more and more from them, which may step over their boundaries. As a result, I keep everyone who wants something in-between at more of a distance. I can’t handle the thought of being told I am asking to much, so I ask nothing. I might leave potential partners feeling neglected, but I don’t know how to fix it right now.
Let’s dive into why this might be. Up until a year or so ago, I always felt monogamous. I clung to this word because I wanted to feel special and I wanted to make sure my partner was there for me. I wanted all my needs met, like any other human. And monogamy was a way for me to have that, while also maintaining control. If my partner was limited to me, as I was to them, then we were always there for each other. Only emergencies around family would really stop that. Basically, I could ensure without a doubt that my partners fulfilled my needs because there would be no one else to pull them away. However, as I began to feel myself pulling away in my last monogamous relationship, I realized that there is still that human error to account for. Less humans doesn’t mean no human error. It just means the illusion of less human error. But because humans have lives and needs, even in a monogamous relationship, I was still being pulled away from my own needs, and my partner was too.
As I began to let go of control and trust the world around me a little, I found some comfort in new connections. Sex educators who were friends are now bang buddies, and some might be more. I’ve found my needs being met in new ways. One person covers my need for kink, and finding cathartic healing in my own pain. One person listens as I explain my psyche because she needs to know how it works in order to be a professional dominant. One is my connection to the outside world, reminding me that there are people who aren’t trans that will still like me and my body.
As I let go of control, and let myself open up to more feelings, I find different needs that I wasn’t aware of before. Currently, everyone I consistently interact with is challenging me in some way. I am growing around them, because of them. This is a need I knew partially, but I became more aware of when I was chatting with one person who visited me, and they asked a simple fact-checking question. I was so grateful they had asked because it reminded me to be more careful with my words and assumptions.
However, some awareness of needs comes from not having them met in some interactions. One partner I spent a weekend with is very attached to his phone. He is constantly checking it, and messaging people. It’s part of his personality. I adore it, because he’s one of the few people who is more social than I am. However, when I was there, I realized that it would be easy for me to feel neglected. If I had a bad day, or some brain chemical didn’t line up, I would be hurt by losing his focus, even for a minute. So I need to be careful with my needs. When those days happen, I need to make sure I can voice what is happening, and not just explode. This partner fills many needs, but I am realistic about the needs I have which he won’t fill. I cannot ask things of people who aren’t willing or able to give them.
But those are needs that I have. I do crave a partner who abandons technology as much as I do. Because not being on my phone is a big part of my life. And I do need a partner that eventually builds something with me and says “This is for us and no one else.” Because I’m non-monogamous now, I feel a freedom to find that partner. I am remembering the times in monogamy when some needs weren’t met and I had no way to fix it. Well, now I do. I can find partners who fit me and fill those needs. And it will never change my other partners and the needs they fill. Because those two aren’t mutually exclusive.
I think one of the more fascinating things is how people don’t fill the same needs for each other. I think this is another hang-up from the monogamous views I had. I used to think that many people had the same needs and so you had one relationship to fulfill them all. Each person should grow from their partner. However, what if you don’t have a relationship like that? What if only one is growing? With non-monogamy, that is okay because the partner who isn’t growing can fill that need another way. They may not even have that need at all.
I have some ideas of what I want in my future, including a core relationship with a nesting partner. I struggle with wanting this type of relationship, because I don’t want to place partners into a box that I’ve created. I know that at some point, I will have to balance my needs with the natural tendencies of a partner. Now, I’m excited for the human equation. I feel as if I have gained a clearer understanding of the world, and of the ways that I need to adapt in order to have a fulfilling personal life. It’s going to be the activity that I love the most: problem solving.
My journey in non-monogamy is just beginning. I don’t even know which label I’ll settle on for my relationship style. And I’m off to a really great start, honestly. I’ve learned a lot about myself, which is my first goal in any activity. But I’ve also made a lot of good relationships happen in my life already. I set goals for myself fairly often, and my next one is to trust a little more. Because I attract and deserve good things.

Poly 6: Poly Finale!

In the past five days, I’ve introduced, defined, explored and explained polyamory. These posts have taken literally months to write. I painstakingly gathered interviews, and I hope those interviewed feel properly represented. (If not, please email me: [email protected])
Though polyamory is a very common form of consensual non-monogamy, it’s not the only one. I’ve explored others as well, but I really wanted to dive into the emotional and attachment aspects of polyamory. I hope that you take away these major ideas from this article:

  • Polyamory is not better than monogamy.
  • Polyamory is not wrong, nor is it right.
  • Polyamory is about what works for you and your partner, providing that all parties are informed and consenting.
  • Polyamory is not cheating.
  • Polyamory is right for some, not for others. That’s okay.

Of all the polyamorous folks I’ve interviewed for this (six in all), five of them are still in healthy polyamorous relationships. The one open relationship I explored is still open and healthy. That last person (for you folks keeping track at home) is happily in a monogamous relationship because they met someone who wanted that, and the transition to monogamy has not been hard for them at all.
In addition, one of my interviewees had their own words to share. Most of these words came directly from Luna, but I edited a little for clarity and succinctness. These are some words of advice for people who are polyamorous (or exploring their options), but they also help monogamous folks think about polyamory in a new context.

  • Don’t assume that you can prevent jealousy by making sure you and your partner date the same person. My ex got extremely jealous (though more often envious) of my partner and was mean to him because of it. She wanted more time with me. She claimed to want equal time but really she was demanding was more time with me than he got with me. Sometimes she wanted me all to herself. So envy and jealousy can happen even when everyone is dating each other.
  • Develop good communication and conflict resolution skills. I thought mine were good. But they did not go well with my ex’s. My ex’s initial reactions to a lot of things were lashing out and saying things she claimed she didn’t really mean, horrible things. That made conflict resolution harder for me because of how much what she said pulled me down.
  • Don’t move too fast. My ex felt we should all instantly be at the same relationship stage, even though my boyfriend and I had been dating each other for a year longer. Incorrect. Our relationships were not one and the same.
  • Don’t ignore that little voice in your head/Don’t assume every problem you encounter is related to polyamory: My relationship with my ex, and my boyfriend’s relationship with her had a lot of issues, without tying those relationships to polyamory. A lot of them looked like issues related to poly because they involved envy, jealousy, sex frequency, etc. But what it really boiled down to was incompatibility issues – her expectations and my and his abilities and willingness to meet them in our respective relationships were not in line with each other. They were all issues that, if poly were not involved, would somehow have come up anyway, because they were rooted in certain beliefs and needs and wants of hers that didn’t even have to be related to poly.

I think that wraps it up from me this week. If you would like to learn more about this subject, please visit More Than Two. They are a great resource for learning about polyamory in-depth.
I would like to thank my interviewees (who I have mostly used Harry Potter Names for in order to maintain anonymity, and to fuel weird fanfiction):

  • Epiphora (Please read her blog. It’s really funny, and a lot bigger than mine.)
  • Harry
  • Ronnie
  • Luna
  • Hermione
  • Ginny
  • Kenneth J.
  • Hannah

And I would also like to thank my loving boyfriend who dealt with me talking about polyamory for four months because of this. Honey, I’m not built for polyamory, and that’s okay because I found you to fill my needs AND my holes. (Hey-oh!)
This is the last part in a six-part series! Here are the rest!

Poly 5: Greatness in Numbers

  • Polyamory – the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time.
  • Open Relationship – a relationship in which the partners decide that they can have sexual relations outside of the relationship. Partners have agreed that they can have sexual relations independently of each other.
  • Swingers/Swinging – A form of sexual encounter that usually involves a couple including others into the bedroom. There is usually not an emotional attachment factored into this form.

These definitions are from More than Two, which is a site designed to help folks who want to begin exploring polyamory. It’s more comprehensive than my articles, and it also comes from the perspective of someone who is polyamorous. If you are interested in learning more than I’ve laid out here, please visit!

  • Cloud – A group of folks who are socially linked through polyamorous relationship(s). Can comprise of one couple, or many. Can include casual play partners or not.

This definition is my own.
So far, I have explored how a polyamorous relationship can start, how it gets set up, logistics and how things can go wrong. I wanted to finish up the series on a happy note, so I thought my last article should be how polyamory can go well, and what that looks like.
More Opportunities for Connection
Ronnie talked about her experience with polyamory as an open door. Anyone can walk through that door and make another human connection. This is great for Ronnie, because she’s an extrovert, and having more places to connect with others is healthy. In addition, it helped her have emotional support when she needed it, because life is hard and support systems need to support you!
Ginny told me about that even though she doesn’t connect with others on an emotional level in her excursions away from Albus, she does connect physically. She often uses this freedom to have fun on a weekend, or just dance with someone new at a club. It’s exciting for her to have that freedom when Albus isn’t around.
And of course, Harry and Minerva have the largest cloud of all the folks I’ve interviewed (when defined by people connected to them and not people connected to their partners). Harry and Minerva both have secondary partners, as well as couples they play with. It’s not hard to assume that they are making some valuable emotional connections, and the physical ones probably bring new ideas and a freshness to their shared bedroom.
It’s easy to learn new things from humans that we meet every day, and that comes from connections. Within these relationships, connections are more open to development and so these folks might learn some new and unexpected things from their new partners.
More Opportunities to Explore
Again, Harry and Minerva both explore their lives in a physical way outside of their own bedroom, but there are other ways of doing this than taking up with a couple. Epiphora tells me about how opening her relationship allowed her to explore her own sexuality. When she was with her boyfriend in a monogamous relationship, she couldn’t be with folks with vulvas as well. But as she opened her relationship, she was able to find that part of her and explore it more fully.
Hermione also describes this in her relationship. The only rule is her relationship is that she’s allowed to date women and no men. Her boyfriend felt more comfortable this way, and she enjoys this because it opens her sexuality to folks she might have missed otherwise.
Compersion and Closeness
If you’re primarily monogamous, compersion is a word you probably haven’t heard before because it’s not common in a monogamous community. Loosely defined, it means “being happy at a partner’s happiness (specifically with another partner).” It stems from knowing that your partner’s needs are being met and they are having an adventure in a new way. I like to think it’s a feeling of knowing that you give your partner something. You partner, knowing your limits, asks for no more than that.
Every couple I interview mentioned being happy for their partner’s other relationships. This was a moment where they could support their partner’s choices, and show their acceptance and love. Epiphora mentioned that she felt closer to her boyfriend because of this factor: “It makes me feel like he truly wants me to be happy.” The others I interviewed also echoed this concept.
Luna described a very tough break up, which was made more complicated by her polyamorous status, but now her primary relationship is stronger than ever because they got through it together. Their relationship was tested by a third party, but they endured that and are now very happy. They could heal together, and though they will proceed more carefully, they are still happily polyamorous. Similarly, Hermione mentioned a break-up during her relationship as well, saying “It wasn’t as bad as a monogamous break-up because I had my boyfriend there to comfort me.”
Polyamory is a complicated style to be certain. I covered that in the last post, and the fact that I had to have a logistics post in this series confirms it. However, it’s not more complicated than a monogamous relationship by requirement. Things that go wrong in polyamory, often go wrong in monogamy. And in addition to this, there are more layers of support built into a polyamorous relationship.
This is the part five in a six-part series! Here are the rest!

Poly 4: The Bad and the Ugly of Polyamory

  • Polyamory – the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time.
  • Open Relationship – a relationship in which the partners decide that they can have sexual relations outside of the relationship. Partners have agreed that they can have sexual relations independently of each other.
  • Swingers/Swinging – A form of sexual encounter that usually involves a couple including others into the bedroom. There is usually no emotional attachment factored into this form.

These definitions are from More than Two, which is a site designed to help folks who want to begin exploring polyamory. It’s more comprehensive than my articles, and it also comes from the perspective of someone who is polyamorous. If you are interested in learning more than I’ve laid out here, please visit!

  • Cloud – A group of folks who are socially linked through polyamorous relationship(s). Can comprise of one couple, or many. Can include casual play partners or not.

This definition is my own.
Today, I’m going to discuss some comparison of polyamory. I’ve heard a lot of stories in my research, and not all of them are positive. I’m going to examine what goes right in polyamorous relationships, and what can go wrong.
Polyamory is always changing, and couples who practice polyamory sometimes find that things go right, and sometimes they don’t. I wish I didn’t have to say this out loud, but it’s exactly like what happens in a monogamous relationship. In a monogamous relationship, both parties can want something, or they can disagree. This can cause a break-up and it’s not always nice. Polyamory can find the same problems. The difference between the two is that Polyamory typically involves more people. This has a dual nature. While it probably means more communication to fix the problem problems, it also can mean that more feelings are hurt.
So Let’s Hear a Story of How Things Go Wrong
Luna is a lovely human who I worked with briefly. I had the pleasure of discussing polyamory and her relationships in depth. It was a long conversation because she’s also a writer and wanted things to be crystal clear. I hope to do this tale justice, without over-playing it. Luna and Draco began their relationship as polyamorous. They both have a community in the kink scene and agreed that play would be open. After their relationship was solidly built, Luna and Draco met Lavender. (I am creating some really interesting fanfic with these Harry Potter names.) Their relationships formed an egalitarian triad, which means each other them were involved in the other two, and all three were involved together.
That sounds a bit complicated, but Luna broke it down easily for me. There were four connections that were made: Luna and Draco, Draco and Lavender, Lavender and Luna, and all three as a unit. They observed no primary structure like we have discussed previously. There was a default “first relationship” between Luna and Draco due to the length of their partnership, but it did not change priorities or rules.
The relationship had problems on and off for the length of it, because Lavender moved in with Luna and Draco fairly quickly after the relationship(s) began. However, something occurred (what that was is neither important to the story nor shared with me) which was the final straw for Luna and she broke up with Lavender. Lavender and Draco were still together. Luna and Draco were still together at the same time. This means two relationships broke, remember? We no longer have Luna and Lavender, and we also lose the three as a unit. So Draco balanced time between seeing Luna and seeing Lavender in separate places at separate times (Luna temporarily moved to a different house).
Now, this is much more complicated than a monogamous relationship ending because Luna still had a connection to Lavender; Draco. Now, this is also made complicated by all living in the same house, which is a similar problem to monogamous divorces, or break-ups where the couple shares property. Luna talks about how she fought with Lavender when they interacted because it was emotionally hard for all of them to interact.
Aside from leaving her home, Luna left full-time access to Draco. When he split time between the two, it sparked arguments from Lavender, who commanded more time out of jealousy. I have opinions about Lavender, which spring both from this story and from me knowing Luna much better. They don’t factor into the story strongly, but there is a bit of problem not mentioning it. Jealousy is often mentioned in conversations about Polyamory, and I plan on talking about that subject a little later.
So what happened to Luna and Draco? Well, Draco broke it off with Lavender, and Luna moved back to the house they share. It was a hard time, which involved some manipulation from Lavender, as well as painful fights, and a lot feeling left out (from all sides). However,Luna and Draco have a stronger relationship because of it, and I’ll cover more of that in the next post.
So What About Jealousy?
Ginny told me an intriguing story that (in my opinion) illustrates a type jealousy. However, I want to be true to her story, and I’m trying not to twist words. She described an emotion to me and it sounded like jealousy. She doesn’t openly use that word herself, but I will use it here for clarity’s sake. You know what? I’ll just tell the story.
Ginny and Albus (this is AWFUL fanfic, please do not write it) were dating for a few months before their jobs/lifestyle separated them. Long-distance is hard, and as a result, Ginny wanted to try polyamory or an open relationship of some time. Recall that their relationship falls more into the definition of an open relationship as defined above. This is very new to Ginny, and the rules change often. They broke up for a month or so, and in this time, Albus had a few partners. When they got back together, the rules were a little more flexible than before. Ginny discovered that Albus had an romantic-emotional attachment to another partner. This hurt Ginny because she expected that their forays out of the bedroom had been physical and not emotional. This wasn’t something she had planned on happening or being dealt with.
I’ve already tried to interpret this, and I’ve botched it, so I’ll try not to do so anymore.There are a few things in play here that make an interpretation hard. It at first glance could be seen as a jealousy issues, but it also sinks into the potential breaking of an agreement. It does illustrate how a relationship can be destabilized. This is a good time to remind folks that this is not exclusively a polyamory problem. This could happen to any couple that has an emotional agreement.
Luna actually had a lot more to say specifically about jealousy, however. She tells me that she views jealousy as wanting something another person has instead of them having it. Envy is the idea that you want something someone else has as well as them having it. So one is an “either/or” situation, but the other is closer to an “and” situation. Envy is distinct because it displays a consideration for all relationships in the cloud to be healthy.
She also gives the advice that jealousy and envy both happen and can be dealt with in constructive ways. For her, the best solution was to communicate that a need wasn’t being met (usually more time with her boyfriend), and they scheduled time to spend together. She also recommends this page. It’s common to feel jealous as a result of insecurity. This page explores what’s happening and how to deal with it. It’s much more qualified than I am to talk about this, so I’ll stop.
Fixing a Cheater
I also wanted to touch on this concept while I’m here. Cheating is bad no matter what kind of relationship you’re in. If you are in the definition of an Open Relationship, and you have an emotional affair, that’s cheating. If you are in a Polyamorous relationship where you can only flirt with others, but you have sex outside of that relationship, you’re cheating.
Here’s what a lot of folks don’t understand: Cheating is not bad because you had sex. Cheating is bad because you broke a promise. If you can’t keep this promise, how can you be trusted to keep others?
Using polyamory to satisfy someone who cheats a lot because they want sex is not a good idea. The fundamental problem is that they don’t respect boundaries and agreements set in a relationship. If that person needs to be polyamorous, they should be up front with their partner about their needs, and then work out agreements that help those needs get met.
If you haven’t read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari, you should. In there, it discusses a cultural norm in France where men cheat often, and the women accept this because a mistake of one night isn’t worth breaking up a family. I want to be clear about two things:

  1. This is NOT polyamory. This is CHEATING.
  2. Ansari says it himself: “It seems like the women are being taken advantage of, just because they don’t want to break their families.”

I call this cultural norm “mistressing” because it doesn’t imply a break-up will occur. In fact, mistrissing usually feels like it’s a lifestyle choice, though it’s made primarily by the man. (There was little mention of women doing this, which is why it’s more gendered in in my description.)
There are many ways Polyamory can go wrong, which is because it’s a type of relationship, and relationships can go wrong whether they are monogamous, platonic, romantic, polyamorous, fraternal, maternal, or literally any other type. Relationships are complicated and everyone is different. Yay! In my next post, I talk about something much more cheery; How Polyamory Goes Right!
This is the part four in a six-part series! Here are the rest!

Poly 3: Polyamory with Structure

  • Polyamory – the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time.
  • Open Relationship – a relationship in which the partners decide that they can have sexual relations outside of the relationship. Partners have agreed that they can have sexual relations independently of each other.
  • Swingers/Swinging – A form of sexual encounter that usually involves a couple including others into the bedroom. There is usually no emotional attachment in this form.

These definitions are from More than Two, which is a site designed to help folks who want to begin exploring polyamory. It’s more comprehensive than my articles, and it also comes from the perspective of someone who is polyamorous. If you are interested in learning more than I’ve laid out here, please visit!
Today, I’m exploring the logistics of polyamory. I will cover topics such as rules/agreements and hierarchies. The people I interview, and by extension what I cover here, are just a few examples of what polyamory can look like. There are many different types of polyamory, and each relationship should cater to what the folks in that relationship need.
In addition to that caveat, there are other forms of non-monogamy such as open relationships and swinging (as found above). I don’t cover these extensively in this particular series, but I may in the future. I just have to meet more people who are in these relationships first.
Within a lot of polyamorous relationships, there is a specific hierarchy built in. I use the term cloud to describe a group of people connected through polyamorous relationships. I heard this term off-hand a long time ago and I can’t remember who or when. However, with clouds being changing structures, and not an offensive term, it makes sense to me. This cloud hierarchy allows partners to manage time in a healthy way and create clear boundaries. In these types of structures, it helps keep every one the same page and often makes for a healthier relationship.
When I discuss “two people” in a polyamorous relationship, I’m usually referring to two people who see each other as the primary partners in their relationship. For example, Harry and Minerva have a base relationship, which (from my perspective) branches off from them. They are the primaries in their cloud and much of their attention will be on each other. However, both Harry and Minerva have secondary partners that they will give a significant amount of attention as well. These are the main folks in this cloud, but there are others involved. Harry and Minerva also have couples they play with irregularly. It was my impression that these couples were for casual play and did not take a significant amount of time or energy from the primary and secondary relationships.
Epiphora expressed a problem with the wording of this system, because these words “can be divisive and hurtful.” However, she operates with these ideas in her relationships due to the ease of use. As she says, “I have a partner with whom I owns a home, and a partner who lives separately.” Because of this, there is an automatic line between the two relationships she is in.
Open Relationship Hierarchies
This labeling of multiple relationships is common in a lot of polyamorous couples, but it works differently for others. Open relationships, for example are usually based less on this idea of primary versus secondary.
In the case of Ginny, who travels around the country, sometimes with and sometimes without her boyfriend, the open relationship is set up in a Primary versus All Other Relationships. Ginny and her boyfriend Albus have only each other as a stable relationship. The other people who come in are typically for casual sex, or one night stands. This lack of an emotional commitment makes their relationship less of a hierarchy with steps and more like a…dictatorship? One relationship to rule them all?
I wouldn’t want anyone to feel misrepresented, so let’s just say that their relationship is Primary as compared to Casual Partners. This is typical of Open Relationships, but I do want to emphasize that every relationship is different. In order to be healthy, it has to serve the needs of the parties involved. If it’s unhealthy for one of the other, it’s time to reevaluate or let it go.
Everything Else
In a difference to idea of hierarchy, we have Ronnie and Cornelius. These two were in a relationship that was both physical and emotional, but both agreed that it was no more (or less) important than their other relationships. Both parties were free to find other partners emotionally and physically when they chose, without consulting the other.
This worked well because there was no default primary in this relationship. Both parties lived independently, unlike Epiphora’s situation. Because everyone was on level footing, it opened opportunities for both parties to explore relationships without explaining a primary.
There is no right way to structure a relationship with more than two people involved. In fact, there’s only one wrong way: If the relationship is structured without communication, consent and openness. (I talk about these things a lot. That’s a hint that they are very important.)
Common Rules
Everyone I interviewed had one unifying opinion on rules: This is a bad word. A lot of people look to polyamory because monogamy feels closed off. The word “rule” seems to have the same effect on relationships.
Harry uses very few “rules” and in his relationship, there are “agreements” instead. His reason is beautifully worded: “When you have rules, the trust is built on the assumption that your partner will follow them. With agreements, the trust is built on the assumption that your partner will do what’s best for your relationship.”
This is a remarkable idea, in my opinion. In this way, folks in polyamorous relationships are held accountable in a way that monogamous folks don’t think of often. When something goes wrong, it begins a conversation to fix something that one or both parties may have been unaware of. I will discuss this idea in detail in another post in this series.
With this said, there is a rule that most of the folks I interviewed enforced in their relationships: safe sex. Every couple has enforced the use of barriers (such as condoms and dental dams) in their sexual encounters. It’s a bit more complicated for someone in a polyamorous relationship to be fluid-bonded to a partner because the sexual environment is larger on a regular basis. None of my interviewees discussed being fluid-bonded, though I have met polyamorous couples who are.
The other common rule that comes up is communication. Harry and Minerva update each other on their whereabouts and who they are with. Harry describes this as a courtesy more than an “agreement.” Luna talked about this, and a few other agreements that had to do with honesty and respect of boundaries. These agreements run along the lines of informing each other of new partners, informing new partners of the primary relationship, and being open with issues and feelings.
Luna wanted me point out that openness and communication is important in any intimate relationship. A monogamous couple might break up because there was a problem wasn’t resolved, and resentment grew. This concept is emphasized so much in polyamory because there are more than two people involved, so there is more room for miscommunication. I know of one polyamorous cloud (involving four people) who met once a season to talk about the relationships and how everyone felt within them. It was efficient for all folks to get the support they needed and resolve conflicts that came up in between.
In short, it seems easy to over-extend yourself in a polyamorous relationship. This can put a strain on partners, and take away energy from other matters like work or hobbies. Many polyamorous clouds use a structure to ensure that all needs are met and all partners are fulfilled within the relationships.
This is the part three in a six-part series! Here are the rest!

Poly 2: Polyamorous Beginnings

Polyamory, noun: The state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.
As a reminder above, I have placed the definition of polyamory. This is the first in a series of posts educating and speaking about polyamory in a modern, monogamist perspective. I have interviewed six people I know who are in various types of polyamorous relationships. I asked as many questions as they had time for (and I hope one day to make it up to these folks if I can).
It feels important to add some extra definitions to the table. It’s also important to remember that definitions in this field are changing frequently, and that it’s okay to be corrected on this, and to correct others (even myself) in these.

  • Open Relationship – a relationship in which the partners decide that they can have sexual relations outside of the relationship. Partners have agreed that they can have sexual relations independently of each other.
  • Swingers/Swinging – A form of sexual encounter that usually involves a couple including others into the bedroom. There is usually no emotional attachment in this form.

These definitions come from More than Two. They are important because they are a type of non-monogamy, but they may not necessarily be polyamory. For example, open relationships are usually open strictly in sexual ways, but don’t welcome emotional attachments outside of the primary couple. Swingers usually participate in sexual acts as a unit, instead of seeking physical contact as separate beings.
As I said above, definitions are fluid. If you think your relationship is an open relationship, but you do allow emotional attachments, that’s okay! You’re allowed to identify with whatever makes you and your partner happy and comfortable. I simply want to use these as definitions so that I can talk easily about the different types of non-monogamy out there. If you ever get confused about what I mean, please look at these.
What makes Polyamory appealing?
I could also ask “Why does polyamory work for some folks?” I have been monogamous my whole life, and I like it so much. As I stated before, polyamory scares me as an idea, because I feel unstable in my daily life. As someone who thinks about polyamory in an objective way, I wanted to know why others jump into these relationships.
One of my contacts, Harry is in a polyamorous relationship with his partner Minerva. Each of them has a “secondary partner” (more on this in the next post). They also each have a couple they see irregularly for casual fun. Harry states “I think in a way I’ve always been polyamorous.  I can’t remember deciding to be polyamorous in the same way I can’t remember ever deciding my sexual orientation” He goes on to say that his early girlfriends had a hard time understanding why he wanted to explore outside of their relationship. Harry didn’t understand why either. He felt like he was crazy for being this way. He didn’t have a word for this feeling, but when he found the polyamory community, it helped his relationships make more sense.
Another contact, Ronnie heard about polyamory from a college community, and further explored it when someone she wanted to be involved with told her he was polyamorous. Cornelius asked her if it was okay that he went to other people for emotional support and sometimes sex. Ronnie says “I personally am a very emotionally needy person. I can understand needing a close network of people around instead of pouring all your feelings onto one person.” Polyamory in this instance is closer to a coping method, and support network.
I had the pleasure of asking another sex blogger, Epiphora about her experience and she stated “Opening [the relationship with my partner] allowed me to explore my sexuality further, which has been really important to me.” In this case, sexual avenues that were previously closed are now available to her.
Polyamory can be approached and explored for many reasons, including a fulfillment that couldn’t be found with one partner. Harry brings up the idea that it’s as inherent as sexuality, so there’s no other way for him to be. There are very few wrong answers to this question, but there is on in particular that I would like to address: In no way should polyamory be associated with cheating. It cannot fix a dishonest nature, and it does not make relationships easier. We will explore this more in another article.
Polyamory and Long Distance
There is also a benefit to polyamory for relationships between people who can’t be together physically. One of my contacts, Luna pointed out that her first step into non-monogamy was due to distance between her and her boyfriend: “We were long distance because of me temporarily moving away for school and I told him if he wanted to have sex with someone since I was away for so long, I’d be ok with it.” From the rest of our interview, it appears that mindset simply followed into her current relationship with Draco.
Ginny has a boyfriend, but they both live a lifestyle that travels around the country. They typically have about 4-6 months together in the year, and those aren’t usually adjacent. The other parts of the year, they can be several states away from each other. Ginny describes these fluctuations as difficult. She describes their relationship akin the above definition of “open.” Physical contact with people outside of the relationship makes it easier for the times when Ginny and her boyfriend are in separate parts of the country, but emotional connections are a more complicated matter. (This will be also covered later.)
A relationship that allows more than one partner makes it easier for partners to be away from each other but still be fulfilled by human touch and emotional support.
Transitions into Polyamory
There are many ways that polyamory begins, as I’ve noted in the above stories. In some cases, relationships begin with polyamory in their design fundamentally. Others transition from monogamy into polyamory. This begins to raise awareness that relationship statuses are fluid. It’s acceptable for people to change, as long as they honor commitments previously made.
Epiphora describes her transition as “a slow progression” which happened over years. She was monogamous with her partner for seven years before they considered changing to Polyamory. Before their relationship changed, they had a threesome, which “went well and was fulfilling.”
Ginny and her partner are moving at a slow pace as well. Their relationship currently focuses on physical acts outside of the dyad, beginning with flirting and kissing. Their rules use to require permission from the other before interacting with anyone else. Since their beginning, the rules have relaxed somewhat, though they are still changing from day to day. Communication is the key to any long-term relationship. Polyamory isn’t an exception.
Polyamorous from the Beginning
On the other hand, there are many folks I interviewed who did not start their current relationships as monogamous. Harry, Luna, Hermione, Ronnie and Kenneth J. all entered polyamorous relationships without a monogamous period beforehand.
Luna is the one who started non-monogamy with an ex-partner and it transitioned into her current relationship with Draco. However, she states: “We were mostly interested in focusing on each other…especially in a new relationship, but both of us thought it made sense to be open to kink and sex with others. [We] agreed that if one or both of us were interested in pursuing romantic relationships with others down the line, that would be okay too. It was just a kind of ‘if/when it comes up, we’ll just keep each other posted’ situation.”
Ronnie and her partner Cornelius operated under the same agreement through their relationship. In this agreement, either person could find other emotional and physical partners without over-communicating with one another.
Kenneth J. is now in a serious polyamorous relationship, where his partner Susan made it clear from the beginning that she wanted to be polyamorous. However, he states “In her own words I’m the ‘clear outlier.’ She spends much more time with me than with [other partners].” In this case, the primary relationship developed naturally, even over partners with longer connections.
Uncertain Futures
If you recall in my first post, Hannah mentions that she’s nervous when her friends discuss changing from monogamy to polyamory. After these interviews, I’ve discovered that though it’s less common for these transitions to go well, it’s not unheard of either. Some people discuss that they want a monogamous relationship with a partner first, so they have a base of trust and affection to jump off, and in this way, they can feel emotionally stable in their new relationships as well as the first one.
Others feel that this is like throwing a curve ball to a partner. It can feel like it’s not what they signed up for. I personally think that mileage may vary, and we all have to find our own answers. I have discussed polyamory with my boyfriend, but it’s not a lifestyle either of us want to pursue. It was hard to discuss because it felt like it would hurt us emotionally to be polyamorous. Even considering it didn’t feel stable for us, so I can’t say what’s right and what isn’t.
From the outside, it’s scary to watch a relationship fall apart. If my boyfriend and I had pursued polyamory as a concept, that’s what would have happened. So I can understand Hannah’s perspective, though I feel it shouldn’t affect anyone’s decision on this matter.
This is the part two in a six-part series! Here are the rest!

Indigo Explores Polyamory: Introduction

Polyamory, noun: The state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.
Polyamory is a term that seems to evoke a strong reaction in a lot of society. I’ve heard of multiple people scoff at the idea, and some even get angry about it. When I was younger, I had similar reactions. Later, I educated myself and realized that my reaction was based in fear of cheating. There is a phobia in many folks that seems to be related to unfaithfulness, which is often tied Polyamory (without reason). I am not polyamorous, and my knee-jerk reaction to this concept (about four years ago) was anger. I understand now that I felt very unstable in my own sexual identity. The idea of allowing one other person into my life was scary, let alone more than one.
I’m not proud of that reaction, and at the time, that anger felt very wrong to me. I wanted to be more open-minded than I was. When that anger felt unjustified, I set out to find out as much as I could about polyamory. I began with the definition.
By all rights, Polyamory is wrong as a word. Poly is a Greek prefix meaning “many.” Amory is a Latin root meaning “love.” (Like Amore, mi amor, etc.) By all etymology rights, it should either be Latin; Multi-amory or Greek; Poly-erosy. Some could argue that Poly-philia would also work. I counter this idea with the fact that philia as a root has a lot of baggage. Between Necro- and Pedo-, I would hesitate to use it with something that is as ethical and healthy as Polyamory is. In addition, Philia has very little to do with sexual and romantic love traditionally. The origin of philia was a love of comrades and close friends, but largely in a platonic way.
However, the etymology of the word is not necessarily important to really explore polyamory in modern society. What is important is how it’s viewed. I used my family and friends to explore this a little bit. I polled the people I know and failed somewhat. I attempted to poll some folks who I shared classes with, but that didn’t work out, as students have better things to do than answer polls from other students. Asking my friends turned out almost worse.
I certainly didn’t get any sort of scientific survey going. I simply asked a few people I knew this question: “What is your [knee-jerk] reaction when I say ‘Polyamory?’”  From friends, I was met overwhelmingly with “It’s not for me, but it’s fine for other people.” Basically, my friends are too god-damned open-minded for me to do science with them.
There are two really great answers that I would like to explore further, however:

  • My friend Kenneth J. answered faster than any of the others with “Hopeful. If two people can’t fill all of each other’s needs, maybe a third can fill in the gaps.” I later found out this was because he recently entered a serious relationship that happens to be polyamorous. I immediately bombarded him with questions. Thanks, friend.
  • Another friend, Hannah, responded open-mindedly, “Natural instinct is that I find it hard to imagine how people make it work, but I got no problem with people doing what makes them happy.” This prompted a brief conversation, where she went on to say, “I am often wary when friends who are in monogamous relationships talk about [switching to Polyamorous relationships]. I’ve seen that end poorly a number of times.”

These two answers made me pause and consider Polyamory in a different light. My work on this series (pre-draft period) was to interview six separate people who are in varying types of polyamorous relationships with varying levels of experience. By doing this, I could gain insight to these types of relationships without experiencing one myself. (I’m happily monogamous with my boyfriend.) However, there is one aspect that I could explore without changing my life: How are people around polyamorous relationships affected?
This shifting view revealed just how ignorant I am about polyamory. A lot of folks who enter monogamous relationships probably don’t think about Polyamory very thoroughly, so I wanted to do that for people. I hope that this series can serve to educate folks who are monogamous on the basics (and some not so basics) of Polyamory.
In this series of articles, I hope to explore the following questions:

  • How do people get started in Polyamory?
  • Polyamory Structure and Logistics
  • Polyamory Negatives: What goes wrong?
  • Polyamory Positives: What goes right?

These articles are by no means the only source on polyamory, nor will they be the most comprehensive, and (knowing me) the best. But these articles will serve as a stepping stone for folks who want to understand polyamory as a concept and folks who want to see how it happens.
This is the first part in a six-part series! Here are the rest!