Indigo Tries the Creamed and Sugared Verona!

10 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a Tequila Sunrise. This piece looks attractive, and has a smooth finish. Universal for many reasons, and brings together some beautiful elements.
This toy was sent to me in exchange for a fair and honest review. All the opinions here are my own. If you would like to purchase your own, you can do so here for about $65 (USD) at time of posting.
The Creamed and Sugared Verona is sitting on a dark green pillow. The paddle is the standard inch thick, about a hand span wide and about three hand spans long. It has a slightly ornate shape with one shallow point for the head. Just below that point, there is a cut out on each side in the shape of a crescent. These cut outs could clearly accommodate the shape of a wrist.
So the folks at Creamed and Sugared tabled at Woodhull this year, and since I was a volunteer, it wasn’t until day two or three that I actually managed to make it into the vendor area, Let me tell you, I am sad I was delayed. I originally began chatting with Austin who told me about their products and how they started. I was ecstatic to see something new on the market. I immediately fell in love with the Rose and Thorn, which has several functions. We all know how much I love versatile products that manage to pull off several different types of sensations or uses and do it well.
So of course, I let them know I was a blogger and that I wanted to review for them. This is partially because they are local to me, which feels rare in this industry. But also, I just genuinely wanted to review their products, which looked to be lovely, and of good quality. Of course, I do have a fondness for wood, especially in a sexual and kink context. There is something about how much can be done with a wooden paddle. And if that paddle is designed to do many different things, then I just…swoon!
So after a few emails back and forth, I acquired two products. The other will be a surprise until I post that review. But today, I want to focus on the Verona. Because I am local, I don’t have any insight on packaging or shipping from these folx. I met up with them at an event for the hand-off and shoved the paddle into my bag. I was glad to have a bag as big as I did, because I always underestimate the size of impact toys somehow. The Verona is about five inches wide and 14 inches long. Honestly, it is the perfect length for a simple impact toy. I have reviewed longer toys, such as the Funkit Beat Cleaver which provides an ample opportunity for swing control. But the Verona is a different type of toy altogether.
The Verona has some chance for alternate thwacking by changing the grip, but the handle is much shorter, so there isn’t as much variation as the 12″ of the Beat Cleaver. Additionally, it lacks the sideways ability that the Beat Cleaver offers. Unless you wanted to puncture the receiver, I would only use this flat as an impact toy. Those points would probably prove too much for me unless I was very deep into subspace. And I do mean the kind of sub space where I would enjoy any sensation at all. The flat of this toy has a nice sting to it, but it doesn’t offer anything that I haven’t achieved with my other paddles.
Okay, so the Verona as an impact toy is good, but somewhat basic. However, it has another major selling point that I love. There are two curved cutouts in the edge of the Verona near the head, one on each side. They are wide enough that one can use them to catch a hand, or an ankle, or even a neck if the receiver is small enough. It’s actually possible to pin someone’s hand somewhere with the Verona, which is a delightful feature of this toy. Though it remains simple as a paddle, this feature, plus the great price really bumped the Verona into a 10 for me.
The Verona sitting with the handle up with one blue teacup on each side on top of a green cloth backdrop.
I used this toy in a public play space after showing it off to a few people. Despite my love of deep impact and heavy woods, I was okay with the feel of zebra wood, which is slightly lighter than I usually prefer. It was completely made up for because the patterns are fantastic. I t creates a beautiful and striking paddle to show off. On top of the brilliant choice in the wood, I can feel the quality of the craftsmanship in the paddle as I hold it. There is a beautiful shellac finish, which leaves the paddle shiny and begging for use. It also happens to be body-safe with just soap and water cleaning, which is part of the standard sealing process over at Creamed and Sugared.
All in all, I love the Verona. It’s easy to use and clean, with a great feeling in my hands, and on my butt. The price is very good for the product that I received. I love the way they work with the wood to emphasize it’s selling points, and they offer maintenance on their own products (for a small fee), so you never have worry about ruining it through DIY methods. I certainly have a new company to add to my list of favorites!
This toy was sent to me in exchange for a fair and honest review. All the opinions here are my own. If you would like to purchase your own, you can do so >here for about $65 (USD) at time of posting.

Indigo Explores: Kink Dynamics and Communication in Them!

10 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a good draft beer. There’s a huge amount of variety. Sometimes, it takes some getting used to the taste (especially in those microbreweries). And how long you nurse it depends on you.
I want to start this post off by saying that I use the words “vanilla” and “kinky” a lot. To me, kinky is a self-identified descriptor, which is surrounded by blurry lines (and I’ll go into detail on this later in the post). Vanilla sex simply means anything else. I personally feel that vanilla is a great descriptor word for this because vanilla is a flavor itself. It is not a lack of flavor, as I believed when I was a kid. It’s complex and full-bodied just like anything else. So I don’t use vanilla in a disparaging or judgmental way. It’s just a colloquial term for sex that is not kinky.
At Woodhull this year, I had the great privilege of hooking up with someone who I had been flirting with for months. He initiated and it was excellent fun to build up the tension and finally get to actually have sex after that!
However, there was one thing that caught me off guard about this partner; he is not kinky. He has described himself as “kink-adjacent,” which is a fun descriptor that makes sense for him. I have never identified as a vanilla person, but I have had lots of vanilla sex before. My long-term partners have a tendency to start the relationship vanilla, but eventually, I reveal (or possibly install) a kinky side that takes over our dynamics.
After having a partner for two years who I shared an extremely kinky dynamic with, I had forgotten what a vanilla hook-up felt like. If I’m being honest, I don’t think this particular hook-up has really reminded me either. It started out innocently, with make outs and oral and fingering. However, over the course of two separate sessions, he had fisted me, pinned me down (including my head/face), and gotten me off using his foot? So suddenly, this “vanilla” hook-up became some of the kinkiest sex I’ve had (completely on accident).
As I thought about these different descriptors, and how I felt throughout the sex, I began to realize some fun things about sex and kink. Until recently, I would not have called urination a kinky act. However, as someone who is mentally exploring the hypothetical of watersports, I now feel distinctly kinky sometimes as I duck into the bathroom. The same thing could be said of rope, which I saw frequently in the theatre and hardware stores, but now I can’t look at rope without getting a little wet. The lines between “sexy,” “kinky,” and “vanilla” can blur in subtle ways.
I recently saw Kevin Patterson describe himself as “french vanilla” or “kink-adjacent,” so I reached out for a more detailed description of this and got this quote:
“I’ve got lots of partners who are kinky. None of it really sets my soul on fire, but I’m into seeing my partners happy. Their reactions are my kink. So, if that means biting the shit out of someone who’s into biting, I’m into it. If I get to watch my partner melt because I call her a “good girl”, that’s what I’m doing that night. It should still come with some communication, negotiation, and boundaries though. But yeah, for the most part, if it’s not a complete departure from my comfort zone, if my partner is hot for something I can turn it on for their benefit. And their reaction turns me on.”

Kevin Patterson of PolyRoleModels

I commented off-hand that this sounded like a service top to me, and Kevin didn’t disagree. However, I would never place that title on anyone who didn’t claim it themselves.
When I asked about full negotiations and other communication styles usually associated with kink, Kevin told me he had never participated in any of them. I’ve begun to re-frame kink in my mind. It still has to do with fetish and what gets people off, but kink is more than the actions that are taken in the bedroom. Instead, it is a feeling and dynamic that may or may not include sex at all. It has more to do with communication and mental/emotional dynamics. That may sound elementary to some, but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard it said out loud.
This idea becomes more clear to me as I hear about folx who experience and play with kink, but never involve penetration or stimulation of sexuality at all. I met one couple who enjoyed co-topping new people, but it only ever involved impact and sensation play. It never breached into penetration, genital stimulation or even dirty talk. Their focus was instead catharsis for themselves and their bottoms. It reminds me of the subtle lines that a therapist walks with clients. They can be friends, but it’s only in the loosest definition of it. Anything more would be crossing their professional limits.
At Woodhull, I also had a couple of excellent (extremely kinky) sessions with a close friend of mine, who I have played with a few times in the past. We did a scene that involved a lot of impact, where I did slip into subspace. It was familiar, but still deep and exploratory for me. This scene did involve a lot of negotiation, and a lot of verbal communication throughout. This is the kind of interaction I am used to these days, which makes me wonder how I will ever have a one night stand ever again. In this interaction, I was able to let go more fully and let my partner lead me where he wanted. It was more relaxing for me, because I did not feel the need to check in with myself mentally. I knew he was watching and I completely trusted him. This is partially because we’ve played many times before. But it also has a lot to do with the negotiation. He knew my limits, wants and needs. Because I knew that he knew, I didn’t feel the need to check in during the scene, and could leave that responsibility to him as we agreed.
I played with one other person at Woodhull, who revealed to me an entirely different mindset in kink scenarios. (This is why I love my life: every time I think I know about kink/sex/relationships, I learn something new that I just haven’t seen before.) This partner was amazingly relaxed. We simply did some play with scratching and other sensations. I would not say that I was dominated. Anything they asked me to do, I did it, but it was never from a place of submissive obedience. It was simply playing, in the truest sense of the word. I did not mentally relax through the scene in the same way I normally do because the negotiation was brief and not comprehensive. I needed to make sure I was mentally and physically okay the whole time because the top never agreed to take on that responsibility. We laughed and chatted through the whole scene. It never brought on any subspace, and I never felt like we weren’t equal. In fact, I felt energized and entertained by the play. It was almost like a therapy session in that it left me fully centered and ready for life.
So in one weekend, I had three different partners (hello I am slut). Between those three, I experienced styles that differed wider than I thought was possible. I’m used to each partner having subtle differences. However, this was like having different languages to learn on the fly. Good gods, it was the most fun I’ve had since I discovered puzzle games on my phone. It started me thinking about communication in a whole new way.
So what happened in the first (vanilla) hook-up? Well, there was no negotiation. Though I was at one point pinned down, I didn’t say “I’m okay with this.” Of course, I consented to everything. The sex was hot and the person could read my enthusiastic yes to everything, but I did not verbally say “I like this” until after we were done. Even then, it was in a casual way. We talked about our firsts (“I’ve never gotten anyone off with my foot before,” “I’ve never had a fist that big inside me”), but we didn’t decompress as I’m used to after sex. Though I had been dominated during sex, I did not go into subspace. As a result, I didn’t need that much aftercare, and what I received was exactly what I needed. It was about 20 minutes of cuddling and laughing, just enough to enjoy the sexy afterglow. Then we showered (and had more sex there) and parted ways for the next activity. These are all the things that seem to come with the unwritten rules of vanilla hook-ups.
I looked to my vanilla consultant, Kevin, to help with these unsaid cues and how to navigate them:
Kevin: I just trust my partners to tell me what they like…and to be honest when I check in with them.
Indigo: How do you check in? Words? Physical Cues?
Kevin: Physical to start, but verbal whenever there’s anything even vaguely uncertain.
Indigo: If you don’t mind my asking, what does a physical yes look like versus anything uncertain?
Kevin: Moaning, arching in, eye contact, heavy breathing. Versus still breathing, hand stopping. quick sharp inhalations, wincing.”

-Conversation between Me and Kevin Patterson via Twitter DMs

Though the sex was amazing, and I wrote about it extensively in my personal logs, I didn’t feel the same way I do when I have kinky sex. Kinky sex touches my soul very deeply. I connect with partners in a way that I rarely achieve just through vanilla sex acts. I have been grappling with what it is that I miss with (most of my) vanilla sex. When I compared these different partners at Woodhull, I realized I am missing vulnerability and trust. When I don’t negotiate in any way with a new partner, I can’t really let myself go around them until we’ve had a few sessions together. It takes me longer to release my brain and let the sensations take over. Until that happens, I can’t be in the moment the same way someone else is.
Before I offend anyone, I have had non-kinky sex that was extremely connective and it helped me feel closer to my partners and it was amazing. But that has only happened with established partners who I’ve had sex with a lot. In one night stands, or sessions with new partners, it is unlikely that I will completely relax and be in the moment. When I negotiate a kinky scene, there is more freedom for me to relax because I know we have explored the options and covered limits, boundaries, and cues. The emotional return on kinky scenes is immediate, in some ways. After just a 30 minute conversation, I can immediately relax into the scene, instead of having to wait until I know and trust my partner.
So when kinky acts get explored without using explicit words, it’s often just fine. With very little communication, my first ever sex partner tied me up and fucked me. That went well for me, and I’m still a rope enthusiast. With no verbal communication, my vanilla hook-up concluded with a foot job, and getting pinned down. That ended up great for me, and I hope to have more interactions with this partner.
But it still frightens me a bit to think about hook-ups with other people going the same way. This partner and I flirted online for months, and we read each other’s work, so there was subtle communication, and time to get to know each other. That doesn’t even count the vetting from other mutual friends. During our sessions, I did not know what would happen from one moment to the next, and that was exhilarating. However, if I had met him at a bar somewhere, I would not have let him do half the things he did. I trusted him enough for them because we had chatted for months. And so it scares me when I think about the lines between kink and vanilla beginning to muddle. If someone doesn’t take the time to understand what they are doing in a scene, feelings and physical bodies can be hurt. Trauma can be created or past traumas triggered.
In my lifetime, I have been lucky to experience all levels of kink with my partners, and I have been luckier still that my experiences are all good. I want to learn more about different styles of kink and communication, and how they develop. It’s important to have a good time in this life, but it’s also important to protect yourself and others. This is what I explore and emphasize communication whenever possible. Personally, I feel comfortable in the balance I’ve found. I can give someone my trust, but it has to be earned by them, and I do not regret where I’ve placed my sexual trust so far.

Indigo Tries Getting Fisted

9 out of 10
This pairs nicely with a full bottle of wine. Any color. Any type. But definitely all of it. The whole thing.*
*Don’t drink and get laid. It’s irresponsible. Don’t drink and fist.
This post was created in collaboration with Kit Bauer. Their generosity with money and time allowed me to take my time and research what others’ thought. You can find their (amazing) Twitter Feed here, and their escorting page here! 
Let me tell you a story. As a budding blogger, I heard the term fisting, and I briefly wondered what it was before a kind human turned to me and said “Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like.” Then, I knew what fisting was. And because I am goal-oriented, I immediately knew that one day, I would be fisted. Because I am a size qweeng and because I like to overcome obstacles.
A couple years later, I was spending the night with a bang buddy. She is the first vulva-owner I’ve ever had sex with. After that exploration, which was truly divine, she wanted to finger me. So she started with a dominant routine of hitting and teasing, which led to inserting two fingers. Then three, and four. I just kept wanting more (she is quite small). She said “Are you…sure?” Being lost in the moment, I just moaned “Yes yes!” She went quiet and fumbled around and then went still.
“Is…everything okay down there?”
“Well…your vagina ate my hand.”
And that is the story of how I got fisted for the first time. The second happened that very same night. My second fisting partner would come along (heh) two weeks later at a conference in Toronto. And now I would say I can take a good many fists with ease (consecutively, not at the same time…but like goals, though).
So what is fisting? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like: you take an entire hand (or fist) into an orifice. It can be done vaginally or anally. I am sure that more creative people have done orally as well. If there are others ways to fist, I cannot fathom them, but I do appreciate other people getting creative with their bodies. It’s often seen as a challenge to overcome, or a really hot way of giving pleasure. It’s denoted in the Hanky Code by the color red.
So I have never fisted anyone (had my fist in a person), I have only been fisted (received a fist into my amazing body). Since fisting had been a goal of mine actively, I spent the first minute with a fist in me just being fucking proud and amazed by my vagina. I felt my partner rotate their arm and their knuckles inside me. Though insertion had to be performed with a traditional thin hand (all fingers pointing away from the wrist and close together), she could make a real fist once inserted.
Let me tell you, there was a beautiful minute where I felt so accomplished. I was so proud. And then she moved it just a little, and I felt myself tense up and orgasm. It was unlike any other orgasm I’d ever had. For me, fisting still brings a unique orgasm that I cannot reach with any other activity. I have just recently found my A-Spot, and I love it. But even that is different than what fisting feels like. I personally feel like fisting hits my A-Spot and my G-spot at the same time, which leads to an intense squirting sometimes. It has all the psuedo-pain and tenseness of a G-Spot stimulation, as well as all the deep and gentle power behind the A-Spot stimulation.
As I’ve said, within a month, I was getting fisted once more at Playground Conference. My friend Taylor J Mace and I had planned this for awhile before it happened, and it was a little different being fisted with purpose and intention. It also helped that we had done some more intense Dom/Sub interaction beforehand. I was thoroughly in subspace when he started. It was even more intense somehow, though there were some people watching. Since he is quite experienced, it also helped because I wasn’t pushed. And though I didn’t get quite to the wrist because I was in a small space, I know that his fist will be inside me entirely soon.
My experiences of fisting are entirely from a submissive perspective, with some kind of Dom/Sub dynamic. So I asked around for others’ take! I was especially interested in what my friend Kit Bauer had to say because they have also been fisted, but without the Dom/Sub dynamics.
“I felt so open, exposed and the amount of nerve endings that are touched is incredible. I also feel very intense waves of emotions during fisting – at times I want to cry while at other times I felt completely overcome by the pleasurable sensations. I felt so intensely vulnerable to put my trust in someone else like that and because of this I can find it difficult to come back to reality afterwards. I just want to be held, not have to speak, or even to be alone and come back to my body.” When I asked about the Dom/Sub dymanics, they admitted to not having any altered headspace. Instead, they said “I felt like I was being given a gift. Perhaps it made me more dominant, but I wasn’t in a dominant headspace.”
There is a distinct possibility that my sexual interactions are almost exclusively submissive now, just because I’m always submissive. However, I will admit that when I’m being fisted and there is a lot of communication, I’m closer to equal with my partners than when I’m not being fisted. I believe that the trust we place in each other makes us closer to equal, which is fascinating as a kinkster, sex educator and as a psychologist.
To further my information, I of course turned to Twitter, where a few other people also mentioned the physical sensations, same as Kit. They used a lot of words like “Intense”, “Connective”, and “Stretched.” However, some folks really got into detail about being a fister, and mentioned that bodies are soft and warm. The tightness as partners came and the sense of accomplishments on both sides of the fist were common themes.
A few people who are dominant and fisters also mentioned a heightened sense of power. They talk about having so much of their submissive under their control. One person even mentioned that between eye contact and muscle contractions, it becomes hotter because there is no verbal communication needed (though it is of course allowed). I believe that this is what draws me to fisting as a sub. It’s so vulnerable that anyone who is domming me with their entire fist has such amazing power over me. Because of that, they have to listen to me because if something does go wrong, it could potentially go really wrong.
Fisting is one of the universal acts. I mean this in the way that it can be intimate or it can be business-like. It can be done with Dom/Sub dynamics. However, it can also be a simple, intimate act that is shared partners. For me, I saw fisting as an ultimate goal and a place to be as submissive as my body would allow. Now, I find it to be a way to form a strong bond between myself and my partners, specifically with my own kink dynamics. I have a goal to fist someone someday, but I’m okay to only receive for now.
As a last note, I want to say: Fisting is a bit hard to accomplish for some folks, and I want to have a brief moment to acknowledge that. Some people just won’t be able to take a full fist. That is completely okay. Bodies are all different and your body is amazing, even if it doesn’t check every box that exists. There are many ways to connect with a partner or to submit. This is just one. Love your body where it is.
This post was created in collaboration with Kit Bauer. Their generosity with money and time allowed me to take my time and research what others’ thought. You can find their (amazing) Twitter Feed here, and their escorting page here! 

Indigo Loves Hair

10 out of 10 forever.
Pairs nicely with a drink that you choose, because it’s you that makes the decisions!
Content Warning: There is talk of consensual hair pulling, dom/sub dynamics and some devastatingly handsome selfies which may include a bit of chest showing. 
Indigo in a ball pit, covered with white plastic balls. You can see their eyes, perfect freckles and short hair. It is swept to one side and spiked on the other.
So I’ve spent a good amount of time with partners, trying very hard to find out what I like and communicate this to my partners. Of course, the first thing that I communicate to partners these days is just how much I like having my hair pulled during play. I was thinking about this in the two months that my recent partner and I broke up. Primarily, because no one was pulling my hair, and it was truly awful.
What is it that I really love about hair? I thought about tweeting out a thread. I thought about writing it in my journal. But then I realized that I have something big and loud to say about hair, and I wanted to place in on here for all of you to read. Because yes, I really love hair that much.
Indigo with all-over extremely short hair, like it was shaved just a few weeks before. They are very soaked from rain.
When I was a kid, I never let anyone touch my hair. I never put it up because that felt weird. It was constantly tangled and I did my best to never wash it. Even then, I had my roots in being as close to garbage as possible. It wasn’t until I was 15 or so, after my father died and I had my masculine-style growth spurts that I began to think of my hair as part of my personality. I took to twitter to hear about other’s experiences of hair through childhood. Pillow Princess and Sex Bloggess had similar experiences to mine. Whether it was through active choices by parents or just lack of thought, their hair wasn’t part of expression until their teenage years, when it became important to their sense of self.
In my teenage years, I first experimented with color. I started with red because my mother would let me. But once that was in my hair, it was hard to argue against other colors. Reds made me feel older and powerful. Blues made me feel whimsical and silly. Purples made me feel serious. But my favorite was always the rainbow. I loved how rainbow hair made people look at me. It put me at the front of every picture. I felt like I could stand out without even trying and with just my hair, I was seen. I wasn’t invisible anymore. Hermione Danger talks about how her mother forgets that her signature hair color isn’t natural. Hair color is important no matter who you are, even if style falls by the wayside.Profile shot of Indigo. They have an undercut, but their middle section of hair is long and braided to one side.
To illustrate this, I had unusual colors throughout high school, but I typically had a boring haircut. It would go through long and short stages, but it was never “edgy” or even particularly personalized. Now I understand that my hair usually can’t be edgy. It really just varies through different types of fluffy or cute. It just grows. Even in my teens, I never worried about putting it up or leaving it down. It boiled down to what was convenient. I believe that this was the first manifestation of my self-love.
Though my hair was “boring,” it was practical in the cut. I didn’t force myself to do anything with it unless I wanted to. The color was my interest piece. It started conversations and helped me feel less plain. I was always tall and broad. I was head-strong and also shy. So I faded into the background a lot. Those colors were the things that reminded me I wasn’t just another piece of scenery rolling by. It was grounding to feel special, and it felt like I could control something in my life where I struggled with sexuality and depression.
Indigo in a pink top with their hair pushed up. It's in a tight up-do that resembles a mo-hawk.Once I became an adult and lived on my own, I found a lot more expression in my hair style. I was exploring my sexuality and my gender with zeal now. I began to feel like plain, long hair wasn’t me, and I gave myself an undercut. This felt like the first revolution of my hair style. It felt so liberating and it felt so queer. I don’t want anyone to walk away thinking there is a “queer style.” But to explore the norms of society and break them down in a bold visual way is subversive. This helps me feel more connected with the other ways I am subversive, which is primarily my queerness.
Dr. Timaree agreed that hair can make you stand out, but in a vulnerable way. She described a change in her hair color and how it made her need to face being openly stared out. She felt she had to be “cooler” to match this new color. Sex Bloggess also talked about growing hers out in order to have something to hide behind. This sentiment has been echoed across many friends of mine, who marvel over how I can cut and shave my head. How exposed I must be when I do this. The same exposure was echoed by Pillow Princess as she discussed her experience with chemo. Losing the option or hair was hard for her, and wigs were the method she used to continue feeling comfortable in her appearance.Indigo is topless and you can see their upper chest. They have a shaved side of hair with the rest sweeping away from that side in waves.
For my hair style and brand, I focus on how it changes. My confidence comes from every person who says “You can just pull off anything, can’t you?” Because I can. I am a chameleon, but others find it to be better as a static style. It’s part of them to be seen with that style. Rose of Hedonish finds that her curly hair is part of her. She knows it’s awesome and that makes it easier for her to take on the world.
So hair is more than what we see. It’s what we feel. How we feel about ourselves, and how it feels to be exposed. Hair can make us powerful. I decided to write about hair because of it’s impact on my personal life, and self-perception. But I also wanted to write about how it has a huge role in my sex life. And this is the part of hair that I truly love. Hair is a tool of my foreplay, power play, and stimulation during all types of banging. For me, hair is everything I’ve covered so far, and it’s more than that.
Indigo as a young human (about 20) with long hair that is elegantly curled around their face.How I put it up before I focus on someone’s pleasure. The way it falls over my ear as I lean in for a kiss. The way I feel a partner’s facial hair on my skin while they kiss my neck. The feeling of softness as I brush my best friend’s hair. The feeling of fingers in my hair as I give a blow job. The tug at the back of my scalp as a dom pulls me directly into subspace. These are some of the ways that my hair has been used during sex.
I have felt someone pulling on my hair in passion, when a partner just needs something to hold on to. (My blow jobs are really good, okay?) I have felt tugs that are calculated, a message. “If you don’t move your head exactly this way at exactly this moment, I will be displeased.” The nature of hair in a sexy scene is dependent on the people in the scene, and the moment that is occurring. I have commonly experienced both of these in the same encounter.
Indigo in a blue tank top and blue eye make-up. their hair is ear-length and curly. It lays on the left side of their face, exposing a shaved right side.Just recently, I experienced a partner who loved pubic hair. As he gently massaged my hips and thighs, he played with my genital hair. His gentle tugs on my vulva felt amazing. It helped me to embrace my vulva, which I hadn’t really worked on before. The hair there is thick and curly, which isn’t like any other hair on my body. I worried that partners would always hate it, feel gross from touching it. Because of this interaction, I realize how much our society has shaped me, and I haven’t cut or shaved it since.
I do still shave my legs, but that has very little to do with society anymore. I love sitting in a bathtub for an hour and really pay attention to myself. I carefully cut away the hair and admire the spring of my own skin. I spread lotion onto my legs afterwards. It’s not the hair going away that makes it feel nice. It’s the care with which I cut it away that makes it feel like I’ve made time to work on myself. It’s small and perhaps not useful, but it makes me happy and it’s something I can do without agonizing over the reaction because it’s so “normal.” Hair is self-care.
Indigo with a short haircut. It is straightened out to brow-length and sweeping left with a shaved right side.Hair isn’t just a social message, it can be a sexual one. Touching hair (with permission of course) can be intimate. It can be loving. But it can be degrading. It can mean control and subspace. It can mean passion and rewards. Taking care of hair is a type of self-care. Having it long can be a protection. Having it short can be a statement. (And those two can be switched, obviously.) Hair is beautiful. Lack of hair is beautiful. Hair is so versatile and wonderful, and I think that I’m going to continue celebrating my hair throughout my life. I encourage everyone to explore themselves, and hair is such a quick and visual way to do that! Plus it usually grows back, so if you don’t like the changes, they are only temporary!
If you have positive hair feelings and/or stories, let me know. I live for stories where people are proud of their attributes!