10 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a Budweiser. That may not be the perfect thing for you, but it sure as hell is the perfect thing for me and I love it.
(This post has been edited to include more accurate information about the renaming, which I had misunderstood originally. I apologize for the misinformation and will endeavor to not repeat such a mistake in the future.)
This post could also affectionately be called “Why I love my dick.”
I encountered the They/Them on accident last Woodhull when a Tantus representative invited me to look at some products. Like any good reviewer, I said “Yes” and away we went. I was intrigued by the Echo and the Paddles originally. I love large toys, primarily and things that I can be hit with. However, I noticed one dildo sitting in front of the television. It was not my usual type at all. It was small, not exceptionally wide, nor was it a very exciting shape.
And like a male lead in a poorly written television series from the 90s, who has just found the girl that is “totally different” and would “change his entire ideology” because she’s “not like any other girl he’s ever dated,” I completely fell in love.
Before I go on, let me give a little more backstory. I had just come in from a trip to Colorado, where I was at a high altitude for about two months. I was hiking for most of that time, and my physical fitness had never been better. When I hit sea level again, I was high on Oxygen for about a week. So I was feeling pretty great when I walked in that hotel room anyway. Just being high on pure oxygen and being at Woodhull once more. Bearing that in mind, let’s return to the moment that I saw the They/Them for the first time.
It was short and stubby, and a beautiful Teal color. It was unexciting and so lovely in it’s simplicity. I gasped, nay, squealed and I picked it up. “It’s so pretty!” I felt it’s smooth silicone. I put my fingers around it’s girth, measuring. I ran my fingers over the head of it, gently poking at the faux urethral opening. I felt the base, sturdy enough for the harness. I pulled a quick measurement from my own hand and it was confirmed. I had found the dick that would be my dick. It wouldn’t be the one I want to use every day when I masturbated. I have actually only used the They/Them as a dildo for my vagina in order to write this review. No, this is the dick I will attempt to put into every harness I place on my body. It is the perfect length, according to my hand measurement. It is the perfect girth according to my proportions. It is the dick I would have been born with if I was assigned male at birth, and it is dark, vivid teal. (I later found out this color was called Peacock, which is quite frankly perfect for me, and is no longer available.)
Reader, I am not ashamed to admit I almost cried in that moment. Later, I did cry real tears over my dick in my hotel room.
I picked up the teal They/Them with no obligation to review, but with a full intention of writing a post about how it affirmed my gender in a way that no realistic dildo ever could. This small hunk of teal silicone changed my life that day, and I wasn’t even expecting it. However, it was offered later for review. After hearing that the firmness of the silicone may have changed since that first encounter, I needed to know. So I requested it in silver. Though the silver They/Them is good- just as good as the teal one- I will always favor that first teal dildo which so changed my life that day.
But is it true? Is the silicone a little softer in the newer version? Well, I am here to tell you that the rumors are true. The silicone is slightly softer. I don’t think I would have noticed if I didn’t have the two of them to compare side by side, if I’m being honest. So that difference may or may not register for you.
Let’s talk specifics of the They/Them. This line was released and there was some backlash about the name They/Them. It was thought to be a marketing scheme targeted at non-binary folks. I actually had no issue with the name. In fact, I was enthralled that there was a dick marketed towards me. I am not a trans man. I am trans masculine, but not a man. So something being specifically centered around non-binary people felt wonderful to see. Though I think it came from a place that intended good, I don’t recall many non-binary folks actually having an issue. The backlash primarily came from concerned allies. So I’ve continued to use the name They/Them for this dick because it perfectly encapsulates what I feel for this dildo. Some companies, such as Shevibe have opted to rename the They/Them in their stores. I have found out that this is due to SEO, which I completely understand. Shevibe uses “The Chubby/ies.” Each color has a different name. Though these names are technically gender-neutral, I find that our society assumes masculine in most of these cases. I personally don’t enjoy using these names, so I won’t. This toy will be called the They/Them on this blog, but I don’t object on principle to this change.
This dildo is small, like I said above. It has a maximum diameter of 1.7″, which is usually enough for me to scoff at. At a maximum insertion of 4.7″, it doesn’t make up for in length what it lacks in width. However, that does not leave this dick out of the running. The head of this dildo is pronounced enough to give me g-spot orgasms. I find that the smoothness is a perfect way to keep down on cleaning time, while also making insertion easy. I’ve even been able to use this dildo with folks who haven’t had penetration in awhile. Versatility is where this dildo shines.
The first time I actually fucked someone, I used this dildo. The smoothness of the silicone made this dildo fit snugly into the harness. The base is nice and wide, which meant that my pubic mound was not hurt at all. The way it sit in the harness felt natural. It wasn’t so heavy that it slouched, but there isn’t a curve, so I didn’t feel like my stomach was in the way of my silicone erection. It is even short enough that it fit nicely into my partner. There was a question of whether it was too wide, but that was just an optical illusion created by it’s lack of length. It turns out that it was a great fit for both of us. I not only got to watch as my dick penetrated someone, but I also got to watch them orgasm around it. I was told that I “did better than some cis men.” I almost cried from such praise.
Now, when I have used this dildo on myself, I found some issues. The length means there is little to no handle with which to grasp. I have to firmly cup the base with my hand and the resulting cramps are not entirely worth the orgasm. As an aid from someone who has arthritis, for example, this is a poor choice as a masturbation dildo. This same issue happened when I was using it without a harness on someone else. So the very ideal place for this dildo is in a harness. However, all the rest still stands. It was easy to insert, easy to clean and the quality of the silicone is aces.
This dildo has changed my life in a lot of ways. I absolutely love how it feels and even though it’s short, you might like it too! If you’re looking for something that feels unassuming and non-binary, I would recommend this toy.
As a last note, I want to talk about Tantus as a company. I feel I may have mentioned this before, but Tantus has had a lot of issues around the owners and I always try to stand with victims. Impact over intention. I also hate the idea of separating the company or it’s products from those who create and market it. Separating art and artist only serves problematic people who want to sell their wares. I will not be unpacking every step of the Tantus incidents in this blog post. I was not a victim of them, nor can I speak to them with a lot of accuracy. What I will say is that people I know have been hurt by Tantus, or those who run the company. I love these people and want to support them. So I will not be able to say you should purchase a They/Them. I want you, dear reader, to consume critically and know what you’re purchasing, as well as it’s monetary impact. I received these dildos for free and it has changed my life. Not everyone has that opportunity. So what I ask is this: If you purchase a Tantus toy, purchase through someone’s affiliate links (even if it isn’t mine), and preferably through a retailer so that you can benefit people who aren’t just Tantus.