Either 10 or 0 out of 10 AND NO WHERE BETWEEN THAT.
Pairs nicely with Jameson. That seems to be the typical drink of my best/worst decisions. However, it may work out better if you add in a cheap beer, rum and/or tequila. Please don’t kill yourself. I have the constitution of a 18-hand horse. You might not.
*ALSO PLEASE DRINK AND FUCK RESPONSIBLY. COERCION IS BAD. IF YOU’RE THE ONLY SOBER ONE, THAT. IS. COERCION.*
This summer, I have spent all of my time out in Colorado, living in a tent, and going to some pretty excellent drinking events. On the fourth of July, I enjoyed a particularly good party on a bit of land where the neighbors weren’t close, and there were plenty of trees to muffle our fairly loud revelry. And against all my own advice, I got extremely drunk. We played a few rounds of beer pong and I was getting good, before they passed me some whiskey, and then I was right back to being awful at it. And throughout the night, I had teased one other party-goer. Usually when I have a beer in hand, I’ll either cuss you out or kiss you. If you’re really lucky, it’s both. This guy took all the insults I threw at him with a good humor (and if I recall correctly, threw some back). Though I was too drunk to notice, I realize now that he may have been watching me for most of the night.
As the party began to wind down, I was sitting underneath some cover and watching the rain pour. He walked up and began chatting. What we talked about is a bit fuzzy now, but it was innocent enough. Until he mentioned the words “Daddy Dom” and I immediately lost my chill. Somewhere in there, he clearly stated that he thought I was attractive, and he mentioned that he was a Daddy Dom, and I mentioned that I am a Little, and the order of events is lost to time, but these things all did happen somewhere.
I didn’t know him very well, but he was being so up front and extremely sweet. I asked him if I could kiss him. He said yes, and we did kiss, which sparked the chemistry that had been gently building over the night. I now wonder if I was so drunk that I didn’t notice the chemistry until that moment. I was in a group of new people I didn’t know, and that made me nervous, so that most likely also factored into my attention span.
He sat down and we began to chat about our sex lives, what we liked and some minimal negotiation. I wanted this, and even though we were both drunk (and therefore it was technically illegal), I decided to continue anyway. I don’t usually advise this, but I know myself as a slut, and he had earlier identified as a slut. Our negotiation even covered STI status and condom usage. As a result, our consent was informed, continuous, and enthusiastic. We spent a good half an hour chatting like this, which included a lot of compliments. He basically gushed about my hips, which was pretty amazing, as I feel they are often neglected.
Now, I don’t have a type. I have had sex with people of all shapes and sizes. When I do have a type, it usually turns out to be a personality trait that I enjoy. It turns out that whiskey and half an hour of compliments is sometimes exactly my type.
Well, as I said, we were all camping, so he had a trailer to sleep in. Not like a sleeping/live-in trailer though. It was a simple box with an air mattress, which as it turns is an EXCELLENT choice, and I would 100% repeat. He has a small stature, but I was completely in love with his dick, which had the perfect size to suck, and it felt amazing in every hole (and yes, we tried them ALL).
It’s taken me almost a week to unpack this interaction. Not in a bad way, quite the opposite. I have since spent many minutes (possibly hours) just remembering the compliments, and the movements. I remember the very thoughtful way he reassured me in the morning (and yes there was morning sex, which science has proven is the most delicious kind of sex). I remember the way he touched me, and listened to what I wanted. I remember how when I asked for less movement, but more pressure, he said “Thank you,” which had never happened before. I remember how this very drunk interaction was surprisingly romantic, and incredibly respectful.
Somewhere within this contemplation, I have realized something that shocks me a little bit: I am extremely depressed. I could have seen it coming. I’m in a new place, with new people. Most of my closest friends are far away, and I’m afraid to ask for help from those I can. I have spent more than usual amounts of time by myself. I am feeling unstable. Though I love the adventure, and I would never give this up, I’m also lonely. Even that night, I was battling anxiety and depression as I always am. But this turned into an amazing experience that I’ll probably hold on to forever.
So what happened that I could actually have this amazing sex without my brain interrupting every five minutes? Well, Jameson. And Corona. And someone genuinely excited about my body. All this meant that suddenly, my loneliness and second-guessing was gone. My brain could open up and let me relax into someone else’s bed. I wasn’t worried about catching feelings or if I was clean enough (though we both mentioned showering that day) or whether my oral would be good enough. Even in all that, I am very grateful to myself that we swapped our STI statuses, and I insisted on condoms every step of the way, which did involve delaying our interaction so he could grab some from the car. The alcohol allowed me to stop checking myself, and ask for things I really wanted. It allowed me to love every sensation I received. I was able to make every noise that my body told me to. On the other hand, it didn’t strip me of my roots, or common sense. It didn’t erase the need for protection and safety.
More than that, it allowed my senses to expand a bit. When my memories became a little less fuzzy, I thought about how dark it was in that trailer. However, I could also still experience everything as full as I would in a lit room. I didn’t see it with my eyes, but I felt it with my fingertips. I heard the sounds. I expanded my limbs, finding edges, walls and his body. With this limited information, I can still reconstruct the whole thing. The part that shocks me most? I also did this in the moments I was having sex. If you aren’t impressed, you don’t understand. My brain, inebriated as it was, interpreted senses to tell me about my environment in the same or similar language as another sense, which was essentially out of commission. Brains are so amazing, y’all.
So this is more of a personal story than an educational post, but I do want to hop in while I’m on the subject, on some very important things. This one drunk interaction was good, and I’ve had a lot of similar interactions with partners and lovers. Good, relaxed sex. It fulfilled me and helped me wake up happy. It helped me through the alcohol and the endorphins prevented a complete crash (because alcohol is still a depressant, even followed up with sex).
However, I’m not perfect. I have gotten drunk and had sex that I did not enjoy. Do I regret my decisions? No. I wasn’t coerced, and the other party was also drunk. It’s a policy of mine that if I have sex while drunk, that person is a partner of mine, or they are also drunk. And I try to inform all people I drunkenly approach of this. My one negative experience of drunk sex was at a con many years ago. I drank a LOT of rum. And I do mean almost an entire handle. I spent some time at a bar in the hotel I was in, and I met someone whose name I think was Brian. I don’t remember anymore, honestly. I had cotton mouth, he had alcohol-affected dick. Later, I left his room and walked to mine. I think I left him a note, explaining that he was nice, but he snored. I have no idea if that note was legible.
I think what I mean to say is that getting laid while inebriated (or high) is pretty fun. For some people in some situations it can be good (or great). But I don’t want to downplay the importance of decisions made around sex and consent while drunk. It just so happens that this person and I both knew how to have these conversations, and wanted each other. Alcohol helped me process the positive and negatives of being out in a new place with new people, and brought an interaction I might have otherwise missed.