Indigo Embarrasses a Security Guard!

9 out of 10
Would highly recommend.
Pairs wells with boxed wine. Because what else says class like this?
About a month ago, I heard some noises from the apartment next door. I was a little confused because there had never been any neighbors in the apartment, and the mail was always labeled as “no occupant.”
I heard something like “mumblemurmur loud sex mumblejumble.”
That gave me some pause. Were they talking about ME? I am the classiest of humans. I am pure 100% royalty in all the ways. Between the sheets, I’m a polite huma-
Oh god, I can’t keep that shit up. Of COURSE they were talking about me! For the first time ever, I acquired a boyfriend who could keep up with my insatiable thirst for having intercourse. I got laid every time I had the chance. I didn’t care if I was loud because you can be as loud as the hell you want when you’re fucking making love.
I ignored these illegal neighbors for as long as possible.
Until one day.
It all changed when my boyfriend was over. We were waiting for our delicious heaven BBQ Chicken Pizza.  A security guard came tapping, like Tupac Biggie Smalls Kanye (?) gently rapping, a security guard came tapping on my chamber door. (Poe reference, for you know, literature reasons?)
I opened up and he introduced himself as Officer Carlos…something. All I caught was Carlos, honestly. He said that there had been squatters in the apartment next door, and asked if I had heard anything.
“Sure, Officer Carlos. I heard them about a week ago. These walls are thin.”
“Oh? What did you hear?”
“Uhm…’robble robble loud sex murmur annoying.’ I assumed they were talking about us the previous night, but I couldn’t be sure.”
At that moment, my poor boyfriend, and poor Officer Carlos both went a violent shade of red. It may be worth pointing out that I was in a robe at this point and NOTHING ELSE. My boyfriend was aware of this, and Officer Carlos probably inferred that. But it’s worse for Officer Carlos. My boyfriend is used to that shit. Poor Officer Carlos had no idea what he was walking into when he gently tapped on my door. Oh, Officer Carlos, you were blissfully ignorant. What would you give to go back?
At this precise moment, as the blood was slowly leaving my boyfriend’s face, and Officer Carlos was thoroughly making notes on the situation (avoiding ALL eye contact with either of us), the timer for the pizza went off. And like the sitcom I am, I went to retrieve the pizza from the over, being very careful to crouch and NOT show off my bum to the poor Officer Carlos.
He quickly finished his notes and left, and I never saw him again. After he left, my boyfriend just looked at me and said “You’re terrible, you know that?”
Yes, boyfriend. Yes I do.

Indigo Tries Gläs G-Spot Tickler

10 out of 10
Would recommend if you enjoy orgasms and fun.
You can buy it from my friends at Wicked Butterfly.
Pairs well with a classy red wine. Such as Elk Run Sweet Katherine. It’s smooth, sweet and it finishes great.
20170102_195351.jpg
This was my first dildo. I had owned many vibes before, especially of the straight, insertable type. I was reading a review of another glass dildo, and I said to myself “I don’t own a dildo, and glass sounds REALLY cool.”
The review I linked above is a really great resource for learning how to use all the potential of a glass dildo. Particularly, it mentions the temperature play. You can take a glass dildo and dip it into cool water for a nice contrast to the vaginal heat. Or you can dip it into warm water for a nice warming sensation through the loins.
As a warning: Be careful with these. If it’s too hot or cold, the sudden temperatures could create very bad problems for the sensitive skin. I said WARM and COOL. Don’t just dive into HOT and FREEZING. In addition, if you warm or cool glass too quickly, it will crack. I’ve never had one break, and I’ve sanitized them with boiling water multiple times. Just be careful how it heats up.
If you are worried about glass breaking from being inserted or dropped, just don’t be. It’s extremely strong glass, similar to the basically unbreakable Pyrex glass.  I have dropped this dildo on many surfaces, and it has not scratched, chipped or been marred in any way.
Which is the next thing here: Glass is also a very unforgiving material. It will not allow any room for extra thrusting, or bending. As a result, if it’s being wielded by someone other than you, give them a maximum length of insertion. For my boyfriend and I, he slowly inserts it until I say stop. He knows this point is the deepest that the dildo can be inserted before it causes me physical pain.
Additionally, as someone who clenches mid-orgasm, I have also knocked this into my pubic bone more than once. I have survived these episodes, thank the gods. But that did not make them pleasant or more fun. How I suffer for my art.
With all of the material discussion out of the way, let’s talk about shape.
Oh my god, everybody. I LOVE the shape of this toy. I have deemed this dildo Onya* because it felt right. She is a joy to use every time. That little hook is perfect to reach in a grab my g-spot. I can thrust gently or fast thanks to the smoothness of the shaft. It’s about 1″ diameter in all places, which means that (for me) there is absolutely no need to warm up, or (for me) use lube even, because my natural lubricant is usually enough.
*I sometimes personify my toys. I’m sorry but I love them. Please don’t hate me, it won’t happen all the time.
I did not realize that orgasms could be this good, or even that I could ejaculate as a person with a vagina. With Onya, it is effortless. Because this was my first dildo, I’ve been lucky. I can squirt (or gush, as my boyfriend says) with surprising frequency. I would guess it’s because as long as I’ve been shoving substantial items into my vagina, I have been shoving them into my g-spot. As a result, it’s easy to find and stimulate.
If I pair this with my widest butt plug, it’s a wonderful combination, as the plug pushes the dildo further towards my g-spot.
If there is one complaint that I have about this toy, it’s the base. So many glass toys use a base that is a simple glass bulb. It is round and symmetrical by my hand. When I use any lube or ejaculate, it gets extremely slippery. It’s common for me to pull the toy out and realize it’s turned sideways or even upside down, and that’s the reason I haven’t orgasmed yet. I pray to the gods of sex that one day, I will find glass dildos with loops, hooks or anything else for a handle. It’s not a problem for straight toys, or ones with stimulation on all sides. But for Onya, it’s a break in the rhythm of my sessions to pull out and say: “Oops, sideways again. Let’s flip you over!”
Overall, this is the best sex toy I own, besides my boyfriend. I go to Onya for all of my best solo sessions. She has provided relief countless times. Usually paired with a clitoral vibe.

Indigo Gives Valentine's Advice

10 out of 1o
(Clearly an unbiased review of my own advice. See disclaimer at the end of the post.)
This advice pairs well with alcohol. Lots of it, any kind.
Well, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! I always love to watch people scramble for last-minute reservations and ideas. But I also feel bad for people who say to each other “We don’t care! It’s just a stupid day!” And then at the last minute, they realize they will look like a jerk if they don’t get something and you’re stuck with $5 chocolates and a reservation at McDonald’s. So here is my advice to make Valentine’s Day really special for that someone in your life who makes you all hot in the loins. (Also, get that checked maybe.)
(If you aren’t a person who likes Valentine’s day, that’s cool! This advice could be used to just make a nice Tuesday.)
1. Put on a fresh pair of pants. Now, this seems like it should be a no-brainer. But I know my audience. You walk in the door, and take off your pants to air out immediately so you can wear them several days in a row, and when they smell in the crotch a little, you just put some Febreeze on it. It’s smart. It saves time AND money. But. You can’t do that if you want some delicious sexy time with your Valentine. Go and put on a fresh pair. At MOST, one day old. I know it seems like splurging because you don’t have a meeting in the morning and no one’s died, but sex will ensue; trust me.
2. Surprise them with a haircut. This one goes two ways. Imagine Valentine’s morning. Your love wakes up and reaches over for a morning kiss and suddenly your hair has gone from that classic hero hair into a buzz. Your lover is surprised, but loves the masculine way it suits you. Morning sex ensues.
2a. Surprise THEM with a haircut. Imagine Valentine’s morning. Your love wakes up and reaches over for a morning kiss and suddenly finds their hair has gone from classic hero hair to a buzz cut. They are surprised and shocked that you did this to them, but they love the masculine way it suits them. Morning sex ensues.
3. Set the bar low then surprise them with mediocrity. When you’re planning for Valentine’s day with your love, suggest things like “a romantic single rose,” and “a table for two at McDonald’s.” If you mention at least three times that you can’t afford champagne or a babysitter, they will begin to expect another night in where you watch Space Balls and try to get in the mood for obligatory sex. However, what you’ve been doing all along is planning to take them to the Mexican restaurant down the street. You have carnations and boxed wine in the car. They’re surprised and delighted that you planned so many romantic things, and the Mariachi band even played My Heart Will Go On. Sex ensues upon return home. Stud. Muffin.
4. Surprise your lover with a trip, and alone time. This one must be done carefully. If you mess it up, your lover may feel spurned instead of treated. I suggest you don’t tell them anything. Just go to the airport with a bag, and buy a ticket for wherever. Be sure you pack lingerie, lots of fun items and booze. However, before you leave, be sure to put some money on the table for a manicure or a nice dinner. With this precise execution, you get to have fun in Rio, and your lover will be happy to have a manicure and not see you! Sex ensues for you on vacation AND when you get home.
5. Surprise your lover with spontaneity! If you want to execute this one, start now. Make plans for a really nice dinner at a really fancy restaurant. Go. Break up with them. The day after Valentine’s Day, say you miss them and want them back. Use a boom box, or public announcement, or a poem to show them you REALLY mean it. They will love your new spontaneous personality. Make-up sex ensues.
6. Surprise your lover. This one is by far the best advice I can give. Using Pavlov’s rules, you can easily make your partner’s heart flutter any time they see you. All you have to do is hide around the corner and shock them as many times as possible. Soon, they’ll be conditioned to react to you whenever they see you. Instant love. Sex ensues.
Well, that’s all the advice I have this week/time/year. Be safe you crazy lovebirds!
Disclaimer: I do not condone cheating, nonconsensual haircuts, or emotional abuse of any kind. This post is satire on a holiday that is very often taken too seriously. Please enjoy a nice day with a lover and/or pal and participate in fun things.

Indigo Tries Angry Orchard Crisp Apple!

8 out of 10
Would recommend for anyone who likes refreshing drinks. Also serves as a fantastic substitute for beer.
Angry Orchard has it’s orchard in Walden, NY. However, it’s packaging plants are in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Tours can be booked at the NY location (can you say “dream vacation”). There’s more information here.
Angry Orchard has been a staple in my life for about 9 years now. I was 15 when I began work at my favorite Renaissance Festival. The drink found it’s way into many of the patrons who drunkenly threw Whiffle balls at the medieval Plinko I was in charge of. It was on the breath of every one who leaned in too close, and in the mug of every older guy who thought I was of legal age.
Later, it became my drink to order when I was on breaks or having a day off. It was the drink I was sent to fetch when I moved from games to clothes and got the coolest boss ever. It became the drink commonly spilled on the clothes and floor. It’s been in the background of almost every get-together I’ve been to in my adult life.
Angry Orchard has many flavors that I’ve tried, and some that I have not yet tried. This time, I am reviewing the Crisp Apple flavor, which is arguably the “base” flavor of Angry Orchard. It is typically found in 12oz bottles (sold in 6 pack, 12 pack, 24 pack, etc.).
The flavor of Crisp Apple is described (by Angry Orchard) as “biting into a fresh apple.” This description is actually fairly accurate. I am not a fan of Green apples, but drinking Angry Orchard is surprisingly close to taking a bite out of a Granny Smith. It begins quite tart and acidic as you take the sip. This transitions smoothly into a sweet middle taste. This is all finished by a very apple aftertaste that lingers with acid and sweet at the same time.
Personally, I find that I take many sips to finish an Angry Orchard (I’m a slow drinker). However, I swallow the sips quite swiftly to get to that aftertaste. The apple part of this drink is held almost entirely in the aftertaste somehow. I relish each sip in the aftertaste, and rarely waste my time holding it on my tongue.
However, I do love this cider. It not only holds nostalgia for me that I’ll never be able to shake. It also serves as a great alternative to beer when I’m out drinking with friends. It’s a universal drink that most if not all bars will have. If I’m not feeling adventurous, I can go for the cider and know that I’ll enjoy the drink.
“But Indigo! The real question is how does it feel in the morning?”
Well, there was this one incident that occurred during the Renaissance Festival where I became quite drunk and then sober over the course of about 7 hours. During this time, my Cow-Wife became a poop wizard with a hilarious drunken train of thought. I had started early, and finished my last drink at 3pm. By 7pm or so, with the addition of a meal, I was sober enough to drive to taco bell with from friends. I was fairly sober, but hungover and tired. I drove home and passed out. The next day, I was scheduled to go into work. I never made it.
I woke up that morning and I was ready to end it all. I was so depressed, I barely got out of bed. I managed to make and eat food at some point, but I was physically and emotionally wiped out. This had not been a bad weekend, or even life-changing. I was just so poorly hungover that I felt this way. As a result, I no longer get drunk from cider. I have one, two at most and then I stop. I never want to wake up ready for the end.
It is worth noting: Alcohol is a depressant, which is bad for someone WITH depression. So there’s that too I guess.
Overall, Angry Orchard is a staple in my fridge. It’s easy to drink. It tastes good. When I have no more than two, it’s going to be a good night. However, more than two and I know it’s going to be really rough the next morning. The only way that this cider could be improved for me is if I manged to process sugars better with hangovers.

Indigo Tries to Go to College!

0 out of 10
Would not recommend. Emphasis on the “Tries.”
Pairs nicely with Icehouse Beer. Because it tastes like empty disappointment, and it’s all you can afford now that a college has stolen your money.
Let me start with this: I absolutely hate college as an institution in this country. This post will not be backed by studies and all the things it should be, because it’s an editorial. That means these are my opinions, and NOT FACTS. However, they are my personal facts. And here are the reasons I hate college.
College is expensive for no reason. I really mean this. I have (as of writing this) paid over $500 just to enroll in the college I chose, and I haven’t even registered for any classes. On top of what I’ve paid, there will be $6,000/semester tuition (for a full time student), fees for all the of labs, the gym fee for a gym I probably won’t use, as well as books.
If I get a loan, then it will be expensive, with high interest rates and very little assurance that I will be able to pay it off before I’m 40. If I stop and don’t go to college, I have a hard time getting jobs because I don’t have a stupid piece of paper that says I have jumped through hoops. And so how can I get a job jumping through hoops if I haven’t proved that I can jump through hoops?
Books are stupid. Okay, that’s really not true. I love most books. But I hate with a fiery passion what college does to textbooks. Textbooks should be pure and clean. Textbooks should be worth what you are charged for them. Instead, college professors can write books, charge %2000 of the printing costs and require them for classes they teach. In one case, the local community college actually took a sociology book, slapped a different cover on it and hiked the price by 130%. Everything from the questions to the stupid little pictures was the same.
Whenever a “new edition” of a book comes out, it goes up to the $200-$300 price, and the older editions drop dramatically. This makes it hard to resell your books at the end of the semester. The editions aren’t even that different. Really. (I was recently corrected by a few biology and medical folks that these areas have different editions for really good reasons. I stand corrected FOR THESE AREAS ONLY.)
College makes you jump through stupid hoops. When I applied, I had to fill out every form just right. I had to send in transcripts a specific way. When I was accepted, I had to “accept enrollment” with my “enrollment deposit (of $400)” in hand. After I was accepted, I had to make room in my busy schedule for an 8-hour orientation. I’ve been to college. I have a degree. I’m not living on your campus. Just let me sign up for classes.
In order to skip orientation, I tried many things. I was going to be out of town for most of the orientation dates. As a commuting student, I needed to enroll for classes ASAP to have my classes in the right schedule, and my commute might not make me suicidal. So I tried early orientation dates, but they were closed because I didn’t have my $400 paid soon enough. I tried to skip it by having my advisor enroll me, but then they couldn’t lift the blocks on my account because “it’s a college requirement.”
One day, I went to two different offices, and finally found someone who told me who to call and what to do. I tried to follow those steps to the letter. And eventually, after hitting more brick walls, I said “Fuck it.” I marched down to my advisor, who told me to go to the Orientation Office. I was sick and it was the middle of the fucking winter. I walked across campus to this Orientation Office, and they told me to go to my advisor. I did what any sane person who was sick, had been run in circles and needed to solve a problem would do; I broke down into tears. They enrolled me for the first Orientation date on the spot.
In order to qualify as independent according to federal aid, you have to be 24. Full stop. No asterisk. No exceptions. If you’re 23, you need help from your parents. If you 24, you magically evolve into a broke person who suddenly needs help. Quick reminder: you’re considered an adult at 18 here in America. But apparently, those 6 years between are when you either don’t go to college or have mom and dad pay for it because…logic?
College doesn’t prepare you for as much as they say it does. There are obvious exceptions to this, like medical school. But let’s be honest; if you have a degree in Psychology, you’d better have a back-up plan like HR. If you have a degree in the arts, I hope you like teaching. And if you get a degree in theatre, you know about half of what you’ll need to in order to be successful in the field. I should know, I was a Stage Manager for 5 years. I made a living working my ass off in Theatre.
I came up through the unpaid ladder of community theatre. The graduated college students I would get out of theatre programs made me sigh. They didn’t know how to read blueprints. They hardly knew what a theatre ran on. Because college is a vacuum environment, and most theatres are not. They run on precise budgets and they are never run “the way they should be.” I would suspect this is true of many degrees. I could match their skills and surpass them without a college degree every time. Hmmm. That’s interesting, ain’t it?
College is like a set of bad parents. There are a few reasons I say this. Number one is the whole back and forth I had to go to. “Go see your advisor.” “Go see Orientation.” “Go see your advisor?” It reminded me strongly of what my parents used to say: “Go ask your Mom.” “Go ask your Dad.” The only difference is that I could give myself permission to play outside eventually. As an adult, I can’t break into the computer system and lift blocks on my registration. For whatever reason.
The other primary reason that college reminds me of bad parenting is the reason most people give for going back to college: connections. It’s that old thing that my mom used to say to me every day. “Go make some new friends.” “Go find some new people to hang out with.” I personally don’t need an entire institution to encourage me to make friends. Do you? Then you’re probably fucking 12. (Introverts, I understand how hard it is for you to make friends. But seriously, 12,000/year for a friend-making service? No. Just…no.)
In short, I would not recommend anyone try to go to college. You can make money outside of college in a lot of fields as long as you’re willing to start early and have an open mind. Do a lot of these fields suck? Yes. Are you still subject to personal stories (ie, racial difference, white privilege, etc.)? Yes. If you can afford college, and you know you want to go, do it. I hear it’s valuable. I just haven’t figured out why yet.
Please don’t let this jaded bitch kill your dreams. After all, I AM going back to college, right? Maybe there’s a reason. #hypocrite?

Indigo Tries Crystal Butt Plug!

7 out of 10
Would recommend for intermediate butt-players.
Crystal is a sub-set of NS Novelties. You can find the online link here.
You can BUY it from my friends at Wicked Butterfly.
This pairs well with a nice honey bourbon. Smooth and robust.
 
20161217_192008.jpg
I bought this butt plug largely due to the low price of ~$20. It seemed like a really great beginner piece, when I was jumping from my cheap jelly plug into other, body-safe materials. I perused the many, many options. I chose this one because the shape was simple, and the size seemed to be accessible. Seemed to be.
There was no label of size on the package (or if there was, I missed it). However, from what I just looked up, I have the SMALL size of this plug. It is about 1.25″ around and 2.5″ insertable. I will tell you this: This butt plug is NOT for beginners of butt play.
My booty may be a princess, but this butt plug needed a lot of work. My boyfriend kindly donated his time and gloved fingers to help me fit this in. It took a few different tries, with fingers scissored, and extra lube. After 8 months, and many sexy meet-ups involving this plug, I can say it was definitely worth it.
I love firm materials for all of my sex toys. My favorite dildos are glass, and this butt plug is no exception. This plug does not yield to my butt. It firmly keeps it’s shape, which granted, is the point of glass.
The shape of the plug is another solid choice. Looking at it, there is almost no texture. It seems like it would be really boring. The glass is smooth from top to bottom, only changing in width. It’s gently pointed for easy insertion, and it tapers to a narrow base, allowing it to sit comfortably in the anus. It feels really great going in, and then as the sphincter narrows back against the flared base, it sits really comfortably. The smoothness is a really great introduction to glass products.
I never forget that this plug is in, despite the regular, almost boring shape. The width feels great, and my boyfriend attests that it “feels fucking fantastic, like something rubbing the underside of my cock while I [have sex with] you.” It’s girth, plus the narrowing base makes it stay in place, even through regular intercourse.
There is one negative to this piece. The very base of the plug that sits on the outside of the sphincter is round and flat. It digs into both butt cheeks, and I find myself thinking “It feels like I’m sitting on a soda cap.” It makes me relish the toys I have that have crescent bases. As a result, I tend to not wear this toy when I’m just milling about the house. It’s exclusively a play toy for me.
This plug, though inexpensive, is perfect for my sex life. It also helped me work up to larger things, such as anal intercourse, and advanced butt plugs, which you will hear about in later reviews.
I recommend this plug for anyone who likes glass or firm silicone, but start with the small because a change in material can be really hard to muster for a “green” butt. (If your butt is ACTUALLY green, please go to the doctor.)

Indigo Tries Best Damn Root Beer

9 out of 10
Would recommend if you enjoy peace and kittens
5.5% alcohol, based in St. Louis, MO
Comes in 12 ounce bottles, ~10$ for a 6-pack.
So, now adult root beer is on the rise. This a trend I can really get behind. In my youth, I guzzled soda like a fiend whenever I could get my hands on it. In my adulthood, I have grown away from that, EXCLUDING ROOT BEER. I can never get enough of it’s sweet, nutty goodness. I have been to this shop to try all the different brands I can.
They also have Ale-8-One which is a drink my entire family can get behind. It has become a present in all my Christmas shopping. But I digress.
Best Damn is a company that takes Root Beer and completely tilts it on it’s head. As a kid, I found root beer to the sweetest of sodas, making up for the tingly carbonation with the smoothness of the vanilla. I thought of it as a definite KID drink. And simultaneously decided I would drink it until I died of old age.
Best Damn set out on a mission to help me drink Root Beer to my heart’s content. Plus I can get drunk at the same time! Root Beer: Not just for kids anymore.
Best Damn never reveals on it’s website how the Root Beer is brewed, but it’s pretty clear to me that it’s brew like normal, boring, kid root beer with yeast added somewhere. It’s distinctly possible that the yeast is added with a little hops to create the wonderful drink that is Best Damn Root Beer. It truly is a throwback to the days of my youth.
However, it’s not all great.
Because of the sugar added in the brewing, I get a wicked hangover from Best Damn in a way that regular beer does not induce. I delightedly drank about four of these one night, on an empty stomach. So I was really in my prime to get a buzz from this. That buzz turned into a gentle drunk, and I went to sleep with a fuzzy head. The next morning, I woke up and felt awful. I do not mean physically awful. I woke up with a larger depressive episode than I really thought possible. I barely made it into work that day, and I spent a good amount of time talking to my best friend about why life is hard.
I realize that this does not happen to everyone, but my body chemistry makes hangovers with sugar a real problem. I should really avoid getting drunk on exclusively sugary drinks, which is common in many carbon-based humans.
There is also an aftertaste of hops in the drink. Every sip reminds me that this is an alcoholic drink, not to be messed with. It may go down smooth, but my buzz tonight and hangover tomorrow will make me regret drinking a whole six pack.
In short, this drink is really a nice break from today’s market of IPAs and Strong Stouts. I’d happily use this for a sipping drink (or hair of the dog)!
Bonus: Best Damn has ALL THESE RECIPES FOR IT. I haven’t tried them, but they look delicious!

Indigo Listens to The Dildorks!

10 out of 10
This podcast is great if you enjoy my blog posts so far. If you hate my blog posts so far, then this is better, I promise.
Pairs really well with a Shirley Temple. Bright, bubbly, with a fun fruity flavor, but will keep you clear-headed so you can hang on every. Single. Word. You’ll want to.
So, I was driving to work the other day listening to this awesome podcast, and I realized that I just had to review it. I needed to voice all of my opinions about this podcast and really soon. So I came home after work and I did more work. And then I decided to write this post.
The Dildorks is a podcast where Bex (of Bextalkssex) and Kate Sloan (aka Girly Juice) have “a dorky discourse on sex, dating and masturbating.” They open every episode with this description, and it’s a really apt description of the show.
The first thing I noticed is that this is not a podcast for education. It’s true, anyone in the vanilla sex community would learn a lot from their show. They discuss different lifestyles, different sex styles, dating, selfies, butts, self-esteem, anxiety. The list of things that you could learn about from them (as long as you’re fairly vanilla/new to kink) goes on for miles. It’s fantastic!
But what I mean is that this is not an educational podcast. That really becomes apparent during the podcast on Blow Jobs. In this episode (titled The Blowjob One!), they discuss all their usual things (both have extreme passion for giving blow jobs, which is delightful). Briefly they mention dental dams, which are not commonly discussed in blow jobs (or any oral sex). I was very prepared to learn about dental dams, which I’ve never used, causing a large gap in my knowledge. But they never filled that hole (hurr hurr).
At first, I was disappointed. Bex and Kate have a big opportunity here to educate their audience that oral sex is, in fact, SEX! And yes, it needs protection. They have a chance to de-stigmatize dental dams and finally discuss the uses and the need. Personally, I notice that most people don’t accept oral sex as sex that needs protection so dental dams rarely get more than a mention in any setting.
But then, I thought about The Dildorks as a podcast. They never claim to be educating within this setting. Though they both mention they enjoy sex education, the Dildorks is not a setting for teaching. It’s a setting for a simple discussion. I thought about this hard on the way home, and now I realize that’s why The Dildorks is one of the most important sex podcasts out there.
I look at it from this point of view:
Cooking is something that has every market in the world. People teach it, they compete in it, they openly discuss it any day of the week with no repercussions. The Dildorks isn’t setting out with a goal or political agenda. That in and of itself makes the biggest statement in our society. It’s not out there to be a message. It’s just…sex. Two people who aren’t white males discussing sex in normal tones with normal goals. They aren’t educating. They are telling personal stories with humor and heart. That’s more becoming than almost any other podcast I’ve seen.
There are plenty of podcasts that teach about sex, whether that’s discovering lifestyles, anatomy or just new partners. It’s time for something new, where people just talk about it.
(Eventually, there will be a competition for sex, which I would totally win.)
This show, in addition to being totally groundbreaking and extremely important, is really fun to listen to. Bex and Kate have a wonderful rapport with each other and it’s obvious that they discuss each topic at length, and with enthusiasm. I’ve laughed at a lot of their jokes, and I find myself wishing I could be friends with them. (Sorry if I’ve creeped you out, guys.) Their humor is exactly what I want when I talk about sex. When it’s paired with a great topic, a lot of knowledge and a complete lack of emphasis, it becomes a talk show, like any other. But better (because it doesn’t involve Kelly Ripa or that troll on the food network Guy Fieri).
This podcast has only one drawback (which is honestly small, and being fixed). Kate and Bex really dislike receiving cunnilingus. When it came time to do that episode, I could tell the heart was not there. It was honestly kind of boring to listen to that one specific episode. I wish they had brought in a guest or perhaps skipped it entirely.It was sad to see that they had put themselves in a box (to cover all sex topics like no men have before). Except for that one singular episode, it’s been a 100% knock-out show. I just hope that they don’t feel the need to be in that box again.
Let me be honest here: One episode being less than great is wonderful. I’d rather listen to that episode of the Dildorks than watch any show on The Learning Channel. I will continue to be a listener for as long as Kate and Bex want to talk to each other and record it for my listening. I will happy creep on their tweets, and try to be their third best friend through space and time as I listen in the car. (I also have lots of feels about online dating and they need to know, damn it.)

Indigo Moves Out!

6 out of 10 stars
Would only recommend to the strong of character.
Pairs well with a Manhattan. Because you’re an adult now.
Well, I’ve done it. I moved all of my physical possessions into a place that does not belong to a family member biologically obligated to let me live under their roof. It consisted of movement a few tables of various sizes, clothes in a dresser, a desk and a box spring/memory foam mattress. We accomplished this in ONE. DAY. Because my friends and family are baller.
This process is worthy of review for any adult. There are a few points to be made:
1.My apartment complex is some shit. This is because the buildings are old, which makes construction cheap. They claim to have put “millions of dollars” into renovations. I would believe they put A million. One single million.

20161025_201826.jpg
Look at this. Totally done at 4:55 on a Friday. No. Fucks. Given.

2. I’m paying entirely too much for this. I pay about 500$ in rent for the room I live in now. The complex covers no utilities, and on top of that, does not offer energy. As such, we must pay about 100$ collectively to pepco every month, and an additional 80$ to the apartment complex itself. This does not include 60$ to Xfinity for the Internet. 240$ for a three-bedroom place. Because there are gaps in the windows, and the roommates can’t understand how thermostats work. Which brings us to #3.
3. Roommates are terrible. I have gotten into a fight with one roommate about the closet that she should not have. I have been in a constant silent war with the other about whether or not she should clean up after her cat. Also, neither knows how to fill a dishwasher. The cups go BETWEEN the tongs. On the TOP RACK. IT’S EFFICIENT. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
4. The neighbors are terrible. The walls of this apartment are thin (see #1). As such, when the empty apartment next door was filled, I was not super excited. I knew I would hear conversations because THERE WERE SQUATTERS before someone legally rented it. One day, my devastatingly sexy boyfriend and I were enjoying a night of sex, and we got a little rowdy. Loudly from next door came a “SHUT THE FUCK UP.” My boyfriend almost had a heart attack. I burst out laughing. However, I did not get laid again that night, and my rage against neighbors has never ceased. Now, one of them snores.
5. Being independent is AWESOME. I will say it again. Being. Independent. Is. Awesome!!!! I have not had any of my roommates call at midnight to ask if I’ll be home. I have not had either of my roommates stop me on my way out the door to ask if I can help with the attic. I have been able to buy and eat as much cookie dough as I want. I can go for a run right afterwards, or sit on my bed and masturbate with one hand, with cookie dough in the other. Like a curvy, vivacious Jabba the Hut. Wee pee bo solo fuck cookie doe.
6. Paying rent makes you feel like a boss. I mean, there’s that good week before you pay rent, where you run around going “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Moneeeey!!!”But every time I look into my account and see $500 has been removed (presumably to pay shitty repairmen do shitty repairs), I feel like a big adult. I put on my adult pajamas and do a little IndepenDANCE because I just successfully paid rent.
So yes, moving out is a solid 6 out of 10. The benefits still outweigh the cons, and I hope that continues to be true for as long as I live. Then I will never live with family again, gods bless ’em.