Indigo Does a Year-End Tour of 2018!

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the final post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links? Do you think using my year-end wrap up is a cop out? Well, whatever! I’m an adult and I do what I want.

10 out of 10
Pairs well with champagne to ring in the new year and new experiences!
Look. I’m not gonna lie here. 2018 was a shitty year for a lot of people. I lost a relationship. I had many run-ins with assholes from dating sites and real life. I struggled with a lot of bouts of depression. I lost my beloved car.
But there was also a lot of growth. I went on my first trek to Colorado, where I lived in a tent for two months and made a ton of friends. I have grown so much in my personal life thanks to the help of a great therapist. I have learned a lot about blogging and the politics of the sex industry. And I’m one year closer to my goal of finishing school. Most importantly, I am still alive, and I’m still passionate about what I do. So without getting too sappy, let’s do the year-end wrap!
So let’s talk stats from the year! I’ve chosen some different ones to focus on this year!

  • Number of Posts: 50
  • Number of Words this Year: 64,662
  • Average Words per Post this Year: 1,293

Traffic Stats

What are my top toys this year?

Honorable Mentions

The Least Favorites

My Favorite Bloggers This Year
Taylor J Mace of Feisty Fox Films. Taylor has been an amazing friend and extremely fun play partner this year. Together, we have explored fisting and food play and other kink. But more than that, they have helped me through the tougher times of both my blog and my personal life. When I feel unmotivated, they have helped me remember why I’m working on this. When I feel anxious, they have calmly walked me through every outcome. It’s been amazing to watch their fun through twitter, and I am so glad to call them a friend this year. Not to mention, their writing, which has not only opened up my eyes to new things and perspectives, but also is just plain captivating. What a fucking talent. In addition to their own work, you can find their spotlights which look into the work of new bloggers and highlights them. Taylor always seems to be finding ways of giving back. I heart them.
PolyRoleModels, run by Kevin Patterson. This year has been a year that I’ve focused on growth. Specifically, I’ve been working on my growth around race and privilege. This was sparked primarily by a Multicultural Psychology class in the Spring. But one of the best resources I gave myself access to was work by Kevin. His book, Love’s Not Colorblind was another way to obtain new stories around people of color, which I didn’t have before. In addition to this work helping so many people, he also has consistently helped other small bloggers and given so much of his own time and effort into these efforts.
Carly, who runs Dildo or Dildon’t. Carly is a stellar human who works amazingly hard to upkeep her blog. She has wonderful insights on everything from sex toy gifts to industry dos and don’ts. Her experience as a sex toy retailer and sex worker have made her blog diverse and wonderful to read. Carly has also been helping me on my work with Woodhull to make sure that things are as good as they can possibly be. Carly has amazing blog posts around toys, but I think that I find her opinions and other pieces more helpful. She talks about her identities, and her work, which brings to light so many important things that otherwise get ignored. I find Carly charming in person, talented in business/writing, and delightful on Twitter.
Some Goals I Set (and Met) This Year
Last year, I wanted to educate more than I reviewed. I would say that my education has definitely been on the upswing. I did one workshop for teens, and I am working on more through my college. I also have worked with some other events with my college, which has been an amazing experience. I also have gotten a lot more money from my blog this year than in my first year of blogging. I had a sponsor for Woodhull, and I did five sponsored posts! I have yet to do a giveaway, so that will go right on the list for next year!
This year, I also did so many more things that I wanted to in a sexual sense. I still don’t have a consistent local partner, so it’s been hard to explore threesomes or other group sex things. But I did get to explore more knife play, Boot Blacking, and a brief bit of pony play. So a lot of goals get to just roll into next year.
However, I also accomplished things this year that I didn’t think I could. I wrote twelve posts this month! I wrote four sponsored posts for the same company! I met new people, and was able to explore my own polyamory. I began to stand up for myself in relationships. I began to work with Woodhull to do my part and I’m hoping to keep building my work as an advocate and better ally. I even met some amazing new people I get to call bang buddies. I also started opening up around my past and how I develop!
Goals for Next Year

  • Practice my work with SEO so I can continue to feel growth.
  • Host at least one giveaway

My other goals are personal ones. Next year, I will finish school. But I hope to have a partner because I hate being single. I also have goals of finding myself even more than I have this year. This includes working hard in therapy and beginning to dissect non-romantic relationships. I also want to work on things around my exes. I want to make sure I’m growing away from the patterns with them that were harmful. But my blog seems to be growing in an amazing direction, and my goals for it are limited. Instead, I want to see where it goes on it’s own.
Here’s hoping 2019 is better than 2018 for all of us.

Indigoes: Four Great Concepts I Learned Out of AltSex 2018

Last year, I heard about a little conference called AltSexNYC. I was truly enamored with the idea of a bunch of people who study sex and psychology in a room together talking about sex and psychology. So I decided to go by myself. With very few connections in New York City at the time, I was a little nervous, but I made a friend through another friend who let me stay with them. It turns out that a bunch of people studying sex and/or psychology and coming together to talk about sex and psychology was perfect for me! So when it came up again this year, I immediately bought my tickets. This time, I was lucky enough to stay in a hostel and bring a friend.
I always learn fascinating things from conferences, but this one has a special place in my heart because it’s so professional-based and very much about research that I just learn things I know I will use and expand on in my everyday life. So let me tell you about the 4 mind-blowing concepts I learned at AltSex2018.
First. The DSM is lazy. Samuel Hughes presented some excellent research about kink and how it develops in our lives. One thing he briefly touched on was the pathologization of kink. In easy terms, we often think of kink as a medical issue to be fixed. The evidence of this can be found in the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM), where we currently find around 8 diagnoses that have to do with sex and/or kink. These include Masochism, Sadism, Fetishism, and Pedophilia to name a few. Now, most of them cannot be diagnosed without one major component: That it causes significant distress to the patient.
So many people think don’t get diagnosed with these things. And Hughes made the argument that we should not be using them at all. Because the desires are not the problem. The results are. So instead, of diagnosing someone with Masochism, get to the bottom of their distress around it. Are they in physical danger from too much harm? Are they in distress because they worry what others will think (external locus of control)? Those issues are fixable. With pedophilia, the issue isn’t the desire or attraction itself, but the action around it. That is more related to impulse control, which has other diagnoses.
I recently heard that the use of the word “crazy” is just laziness because you usually mean something else. When I say that some administration is crazy because it’s making policies against marginalized communities, I probably mean “careless,” “thoughtless,” or even “cruel.” But not crazy. Now, I’m beginning to think of these diagnoses in the same way.
Second. Sex Educators are still using the word “virginity.” There were many times I heard the word virgin in this conference. Someone even used the phrase “lose their virginity.” I cringed so hard when I heard it. Virginity is an out-dated, sexist concept that was used to commodify women and control sexuality. I think that a room full of people should say “had sex for the first time.” Or “someone who hasn’t had/engaged in sex.” I feel so strongly about this because:
Third. Language is incredibly important. Both inside and outside of communities.
One study presented talked about common traits of “tops” and “bottoms.” It was presented by two people who seemed to be outside of the community, or at least less knowledgeable. They never addressed switches. They never defined “top” and “bottom.” They never diverged the idea of top/bottom dynamics from dominant/submissive dynamics. Then they attempted to take these words from the context of BDSM and apply them to the vanilla community.
In that transfer, the words lost their meaning. Instead, the presenters described “topping” and “bottoming” like dancing. “Someone has to lead,” they said. Well, when you enter a room of kinksters, and those who work with kink, you need new language. Because those words are taken and they do not mean what you think they do. The words we use in kink and negotiation are as important as pronouns or names. We cannot recycle them. Leading/Following, Topping/Bottoming and Domming/Subbing are all different concepts in subtle ways. If you take our language, you muddy the waters through which we tread and someone will be hurt.
Lastly. Being seen is being mistaken for being loved. Dr. Herukhuti gave the last speech of the conference. It was beautiful and moving. There was a poetry in the words that made me feel safe and invigorated all at the same time. He ended to a huge round of applause that was well-deserved. I took away a few concepts from that talk. But he wasn’t done. During the final Q&A, he had one last thought that hit me like a truck:
“Being Seen is so rare, and so spiritual, that it can often be mistaken for being loved.”
The implications of this statement were so profound. I capitalize the word “seen” for a reason. I don’t mean to physically see someone. I mean to understand who they are and what they want or need. To really know someone. On one hand, being Seen can be like being loved. It can feel so affirming and wonderful. It’s the highest form of interaction in some ways. However, it can also be used. People who are abusive usually See their victims immediately, which helps them target. They identify with them and know their ins and outs. It’s hard to be Seen because it’s vulnerable. And someone who is all there, who just lays out their life, can be Seen by anyone.
I’ll leave you with one last thought that I had. It occured to me while Buck Angel was talking about what trans men should need to transition (namely, that every trans person should have a therapist). While I agree that everyone (regardless of gender) should have a regular therapist, this is an inaccessible notion right now. At best, the idea that Buck has is privileged. Buck argued that many people are making irreversible decisions without knowledge or thought, and seeing a therapist would help them with those decisions. I agree a therapist would help, but I don’t think anyone is trans without being very mindful of their gender expression. While I disagree with Buck in these basic ways, I just don’t understand why he feels such an inaccessible form of help is the solution. Basically: If you try to solve a problem, but can’t work within the structures that currently exist, or create the entirety of the ideal world you want to live in, your solutions are not solutions, but speculations.
Again: If you cannot make your solution work in this world we live it, then it is not a solution.
I don’t want to focus too much on that, because I truly loved AltSex this year. I learned a lot and shared a lot. I was grateful for the experience, just as I was last year, and I’ll see ya’ll next year too!
For More quick recaps of what i learned, take a look at these Twitter threads (I’m real good at live-tweeting, y’all):

 
Author’s Postscript: I didn’t want to harp on the negative things about AltSex, because I love this conference a lot. But I do have some issues with it too. There is a survey disseminated, which I will also put this feedback into, but I want my readers to know too. 
Firstly, they don’t stay on schedule. We lost about 10-20 minutes of our lunch break because of this and it’s extremely frustrating. There need to be more buffers built in or more severe cut-offs for speakers. 
Second, they lost a lot of time because the organizers talk a lot. I feel bad saying this because I know people want to talk and it’s important to thank those involved. But having less time for the organizers thanking people and introduction of speakers would help with the time crunch.
Third (and last), they do not link to the speaker’s websites on the AltSex webpage. If you look at the schedule page, they have links in the names. Those links lead to another subpage of AltSexNYCConference.com, and there are no links to the speaker websites despite many of the speakers having one. This is unfair, and undermines a speaker’s publicity and reason for speaking at conferences. I honestly believe it’s ethically wrong. 

Indigo Does a Year-End Tour!

10 out of 10
Pairs well with champagne to ring in the new year and new experiences!
Hello folx! It is absolutely stunning to see you tune into this bit of delight I call my blog. I’m kicking off my Year-End Tour here at I’m an Adult by creating spreadsheets! One will be an orgasm sheet like the one Kate keeps, and the other will be a spreadsheet of all the toys I have acquired in my life (minus the shitty bullet vibes I bought as a stupid teen. On this post, I want to share my blog stats, and some lovely memories and new ideas from 2017.
This is also my first year as a sex blogger, so let’s talk stats from the year!

  • Number of Sex toy reviews: 38
  • Number of Drink Reviews: 5
  • Number of Educational posts: 18

Traffic Stats

First! What are my tops this year?

Honorable Mentions

The Least Favorites

I don’t want to make this post all lists. But I also didn’t want to leave out the lists. They are so vital to what I love. LISTS ARE AMAZING. So I left them short and sweet, and now that they are out of the way, let’s move on!
My Favorite Bloggers This Year
Girly Juice, A.K.A. Kate Sloan. When I first found Kate’s work, I didn’t really connect with it. She’s very femme and very active with play partners. It also felt like she had a lot of casual-sex-based relationships. If you recall, I was not this way at all until recently. However, as the year has gone on, I’ve changed a lot. I went through a huge break up and learned about my own sexuality. Now, I find myself identifying with her work more and more. I mean this in a lot of ways. Primarily, I love Kate’s style. Her posts have driving points that she uses emotion and fact to get to. As I come into my own style as a blogger, I find that it’s more and more influenced by hers. I especially see our styles coincide in my Situation and Education posts. These posts are usually driven by my need to express emotions and connect with a reader. I feel connected to Kate every time I read her articles. I am delighted to have met her at Woodhull this year, and I cannot wait for whatever she publishes next.
Dangerous Lilly. I had the pleasure of meeting Lilly for the first time at Woodhull this year. I knew of her work and I admired the drive and salt with which she tests materials and makes sure all the toys she recommends are safe. When I had the opportunity to volunteer for an event she was hosting, I jumped on it. (I have since been told that I was extremely helpful, go me.) Since Woodhull, Lilly has been an amazing friend. She is supportive and always has lovely things to say when I’m down. She helped me reach 500 Twitter followers this month, which was my personal goal for the year. I hope that I’ve returned the friendship, and I hope that we continue to get to know one another. I’ve already informed her I’ll be helping next Woodhull, so there’s that. Please visit her for salty (and hilarious) reviews, which I read when I need inspiration to write reviews for less than stellar toys.
Ace in the Hole A.K.A. Taryn. So this year, I had an accidental awkward moment with Taryn when I misunderstood how WordPress uses it’s follow option. I felt like a dope, but Taryn didn’t seem to mind, and for some reason still wanted to be my friend! So now I text her pretty femme things that make me think of her. I also super identify with her writing because I’m also on the ace spectrum! She’s been amazingly supportive and I really hope to continue cultivating a friendship in the new year with her. Her SEO for sex bloggers is an amazing series which I will definitely be reading and examining closer as soon as I fully accept that SEO needs to be a part of my life. Her writing is super amazing, and insightful, so go read it. Also, I regularly laugh at her tweets so hard that I cannot breathe, so please go follow her on twitter. 
Some Goals I Set (and Met) This Year
When I started blogging, it was for fun. I knew it would help my career, but I didn’t expect it to give me a sense of who I am. All of my friends who see the blog love it, and say that it’s very me. I’m proud to tell new people what I do in my spare time, and I’ve learned a lot. It’s affirmed my personality and my priorities in my own mind. This doesn’t even cover all the new friends I’ve made (which I couldn’t possibly cover in a post). I feel like I’ve really reset how I feel about my career and set myself on a path that I really want to be on.
Additionally, I now have over 500 followers on Twitter! I hate social media. I only have one account associated with this blog (Twitter) and I’m not getting any more. I don’t really take photos, and I don’t have more to say, so Instagram and Tumblr are out. I may at some point get a Snapchat for the blog and sell some nudes, but I haven’t been prepared to jump that hurtle yet, so we will see. However, in my first year, over 500 people decided to follow the zany shit I put on the internet, and I’m pleased as punch. Here’s to at least another 500 next year!
This year, I also had one sponsored post. I wrote all about Butt Stuff for Betty’s Toybox. I was really proud to say that my blog brought me some income, and I’m very happy to have teamed with them. I also hope to work with them in the future on more blog posts, so stay tuned!
Goals for Next Year

  • Practice my work with SEO so I can continue to feel growth.
  • Educate more than I review, which is not true right now.
  • Get more sponsored posts. (Companies, if you want to work with me, click here!)
  • Get actually honest-to-goodness sponsored for Woodhull this year.
  • Focus some more on affiliate links and maybe get a pay from those? (I haven’t gotten any yet, and I’m sad about it.)
  • Host at least one giveaway!

I hope you’ve enjoyed something this year (despite it being a horrible trash fire)! I know I have, and I hope to continue my work for many more years. My audience is a lovely perk to what I’m doing on here, and I hope that they continue to get something out of it!
Do you have any things you wish you had seen this year, or wanna see next year? Any resolutions for you/your blog?