Indigo Talks Relationships Part 1: Dad

This isn’t a review, so much as an essay, so there is no rating here.

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships, but more specifically about my non-romantic/sexual relationships. It was partially inspired by my sister who suggested I write about how our relationship has evolved and grown over the years. And so I wanted to start writing about the influences of other relationships in my life. I enjoy exploring the relationships of my life and how they affect me because I always work to be more self-aware. Part of that journey is understanding what influenced my personality development. I decided to start with my father because he’s the origin of a lot of trauma for me, and because he is dead. So in a way, this relationship story has an ending to it. This makes it somewhat easier to write about.

In many ways, I am like my father. He was a hick kid who never really finished education, and he always seemed to butt heads with authority. Since I was raised by him, I do still fight against authority, and I’m not particularly good at doing what I’m told, unless I see the reason behind the order. As for the hick, well…it’s in my bones. I know what I am. I enjoy cheap beer and porches. I like to be outside around a fire. Camping is my ideal vacation. These feel like “simple pleasures” that I love. I don’t rely on my phone like many others rely on theirs. I often isolate myself from others because society is weird and confusing. But I am finishing my education. Because I started a process and I will finish it, which differs me from my father. I have been contemplating that difference as I watch my mother finally fix her house, which was torn apart by my father’s attempts to improve it. He rarely finished those improvement projects. It suddenly occurred to me that perhaps I saw my father surrounded by his unfinished work and decided I would never do that. I look at his memory, which is weighed down with a dismantled truck, a mantle piece in pieces in the basement, and a wood pile that was gonna be something great. I see that, and I decide it’s time to tie up loose ends.

My dad always taught me to question things, though I was never supposed to question him. He also favored me over my siblings, but also yelled at me because I was fat. He often yelled at me for eating things as a child because he believe that I should lose weight instead of eating meals. He rewarded me for academic accomplishments but got angry when I read books I enjoyed for fun. The contradictions in my psyche have been contributed by others, but they primarily stem from my father’s treatment of me. There is a strong possibility that this volatile nature stems from him being a functioning alcoholic. That’s something else I could be, but I’m not. I hold my liquor and I’m not shy around drinks, but I don’t depend on it the way he did. The contradictions my father left me with were only exacerbated by his death. I was 12 years old, and had not quite started puberty yet. I still loved my father when he died. However, without any growth in our relationship, I was left with a loose end I couldn’t tie. He never apologized for abusing us. He never learned how to be a better husband. After two years, I finally admitted to myself that my father was a good father and a terrible husband. It would take another eight years before I admitted that he wasn’t a good father, but I still loved him with all my heart.

Because of this, I am more likely to accept contradictions in my life. I easily learned about the contradictions of opinions in any humanities class. My papers in those classes were well-received because I considered many opinions, often agreeing with two or more. I also move through relationships differently because I can accept contradictions in other humans. I acknowledge how complicated people are and notice the little contradictions that they miss in themselves. However, it also means that my own contradictions get overlooked. I can become unpredictable sometimes because two strong feelings contradict each other, much to the despair of my partners. It means that I come with a lot of disclaimers in relationships. I’ve had to learn how to navigate relationships by the moment, offering brief explanations to justify my own twists and turns.

My father taught me a lot about respect, which I still hold true to. Respect continues to be an important aspect of relationships for me. If I don’t respect someone, I probably won’t like them. If they don’t respect me, I really won’t like them. I find that I can respect someone even if I don’t like them, which ties into the contradictions that got built into my relationships. This is an interesting piece of my relationships. Because I hold respect as such a virtue, it means that I follow partners I respect, and trust them inherently with their well-being. I will sometimes trust them with my own, but my independence is more important than my respect. However, it’s when I lose respect for a partner that reveals what respect means to me. This happened with one of my exes. I lost respect for him gradually, over months. Eventually, I didn’t trust him to take care of himself at all. I felt like a mother to him, and it led to a devastating break-up. Before the end, I didn’t respect him. I wasn’t sure I liked him. But I still loved him. The contradictions created were unhealthy for both of us. To hold something like respect in such an important place is to make it a vulnerability of the relationship. It means that my partners will have to hold themselves to standards. This is most certainly a good thing. However, it can become dangerous if I’m not aware of when respect is lost.

My personality is still growing every day. My father has been dead for almost 14 years, and his influences on my life are starting to fade. I have grown and changed, and my relationship to him has changed. The difference is that his relationship to me cannot change because he is gone. As I grow away from who I was when he died, the ways he changed me will begin to be overwritten. Other life experiences will help me unlearn some contradictions. Respect will slowly become less of a virtue as I gain compassion for others. Even though these fading effects are part of me deeply and will never go away entirely, they are still becoming obsolete to the new influences I gain every day. In some ways, these are the most comforting parts of my father’s death. It’s cliche, but he is still with me in these core values and personality traits. But more than that, I am growing beyond him. I am becoming more that he was just by virtue of how I continue to thrive and grow.

There are many people I’ll mention who influence my personality. In fact, that’s the point of this series. But when I talk about my father, it takes on a different color because of the loss. In a way, the loss of him becomes a part of him. In my mind, he is everything he was, plus his death. That death might have changed me more than he did. I’m now the person who stays strong in grief. I’ve learned how to let go of others who want to be let go of. I’ve learned how to cope earlier than others. Most importantly, I’m no longer paralyzed in fear when I think of death. I have confronted my own mortality in many instances by this point. I can connect with those who are grieving and it does not bother me or feel like a revelation.

In short, I loved my dad. He had issues and I have issues because of him. But he was important to me and always will be. I learned many lessons from him that I couldn’t learn from anyone else. He is, like many things, a blessing and a curse. So long, pop. And thanks for all the fun.

Woodhull Sponsor Call 2019

Hey everyone! It’s that time of year again when I start calling for Sponsors to get me to the places I want to go! You might notice this post is very similar to last year’s call for sponsors, but there are differences that are important, so pay attention!
My name is Indigo Wolfe. I am a successful and lovely growing sexuality blogger. You’ve successfully made it to my blog, but I want to tell you a bit more. I’m a student in a local D.C. university studying sexuality, sex and psychology. I have made many connections and grown so much since starting my blog, I am looking to attend Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit once again. At Woodhull, I meet many bloggers and create a professional support network that has become invaluable to me. I want to attend again, so I can connect with more fellow bloggers, learn about this industry, and possibly promote a great product/service. Perhaps this product/service could be yours.
I have done the calculations. As a D.C. native and local, I don’t require too much to make it to Woodhull. I need room, money for food and other fun things, and some extra to compensate for work. I have added these up, and it comes out to a top number of $700. I’m looking to cover costs entirely, and there are bonuses if I exceed my costs. If I receive more than 700$ from any combination of sponsors, I will place all of the extra into donations to Woodhull, as well as helping other bloggers struggling reach Woodhull.
This year comes with a catch, however. Because of my new unique role with Woodhull, I cannot in good conscious promote someone at the actual event. I have become the face for a specific part of Woodhull and it makes it unethical for me to favor one company over another in that role. To that end, all promotion of your company that happens over social media will be done outside of Woodhull (either before or after the summit in August).
Why Should You Sponsor Me?
1.) I am growing steadily as a blogger. My follower count has more than doubled in the past year, and grows a little bit every day. My promotion is good for you.
2.) My cost is low. As a D.C. local, I don’t need travel money, and as a con regular, I know how to eat on a budget. I’m also volunteering for Woodhull, both to help this fantastic foundation, and so that my costs are lower.
3.) I am working on many fronts for sexual freedom and sex advocacy. Every bit of work I accomplish helps those around me. Your money towards me gets paid forward into the community at large. This is done through my online education, local workshops and fighting for sex worker rights, among other projects I undertake.
What Do You Get?
I have such a low cost that I have only a few levels of support that I’m offering.
$100 – 1 month of:
I will advertise for your company on Twitter. I will tweet 6 tweets promoting your company during that month. I will review 1 toy/service for you, which will include no follow links to your website or store.
$300 – 3 months of:
I will tweet 6 tweets per month promoting your company. I will review a total of 3 toys/services for you, which will include no follow links to your website or store.
If you purchase this tier, I will finally get my act together and create sidebar ad space, where you can advertise your company. For only this $50 addition, you’ll get 2 months of sidebar ads (normally worth $150).
$700 – From now to Woodhull 
I will advertise for your company in my about page, and sidebar. Yes, I will get my act together within this month and create sidebar advertising space. Then you will receive 6 months of ad space! I will tweet 6 tweets per month promoting your company (excluding August). I will review 1 toy/service per month for you (including 1 in the month of August).
If you would like to sponsor me at any level, or discuss other ways we can work together, please email me at [email protected]

Indigo Takes Care of their Sexual Health

10 out of 10

Pairs nicely with Cranberry juice. It’s good for your body, which means it’s good for your soul.

So we all know that I am passionate about sexual health in general. However, one of the main areas that I direct that passion is around STI stigma. I fight it wherever I can, including my workshops with students. I will gladly tell all of my partners when I was last tested, that I expect them to know their status, and I always have a condom with me when I think I’m going to get laid.

My blog has a tendency to be geared towards sexual pleasure, and I love what I write about. However, my tweets often delve into the realm of sexual health as well! It’s easy for me to schedule some tweets in advance, reminding people to get tested. I also tweet about all the times that I bang other people, and how I do so safely!

I love to write about sexual health, but for the people who follow me, it feels pretty 101 level. So I leave it at the door a lot. It doesn’t usually need a thousand word blog post from me. However, in all my erotica, I mention barriers. I try to casually include sex safety in my personal stories and essays. I have even spent long hours bragging about how I pushed a fellow into the rain to retrieve condoms from his car before we could bang it out.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t tackle the basics at least once in this blog. I’m long overdue, so here we go. I’m going to something that I call my Top Three Tips for Banging Safely with Minimum Impact on Your Lifestyle. I call it that because it’s the name of the list. It’s a very long title, which is why it’s not the title of the post, just the title of the list.

First hint! Always have barriers and other sex safety supplies on hand! I keep a basket full of sex gear right next to my bed. It has condoms, dental dams, gloves and lube. When I feel the sexy times starting, I can reach right over for anything I need. I don’t have to dig through a drawer! I have regular condoms, extra large, lube-free, and latex-free. That way, any partner that shows up has the options they need to bang me!

In addition to what I have in my own home, I have my Safer Sex Kit, also called my Sex on the Go Kit. This kit comes with me on any extended trip, and any place where I think I may get laid. I am careful to store it in safe temperatures for condoms. It has all the same stuff my bed-side basket does. However, it’s organized into a small make-up case with a bullet vibe. This way, I can get off or get partners off anywhere I am. The most recent add-on was mouthwash because semen does not taste great. And because morning breath is my mortal enemy.

Between these two places, I will always have the things I need to safely bang someone. And in the two instances that my own condoms were not near, I made sure that someone else had them available. I have been lucky enough to spend my time with very safe humans. However, I know that I would have made good decisions if condoms weren’t available. I owe it to myself to be safe. I owe to my partners to be safe. And I don’t want to spend anymore time and money on medical issues than I have to.

However, how do you know what’s safe if you’re not educated? That’s the second tip! It’s important to get out there and know as much as you can about sexual safety. For example, it is safe to use Saran Wrap as a dental dam! In a pinch, most households have that simple barrier. When it comes to condoms, I find many people know how to use them, but many do not know when they are safe. Are your condoms stored properly? If not, they could deteriorate and lose structural integrity. This is another reason that condom expiration dates are so important! Be sure to use the first condoms you bought first, to make sure you aren’t wasting those that expire first.

It also helps to know how STIs work. For example, HIV is very fragile outside of the body and deteriorates fast, which is why it’s hard to contract it from things like shared toilet seats. I wipe toilet seats before sitting, but that’s it. Skin is semi-permeable. Only water gets through, and even then it takes a long time (think about prune-y fingers in the bathtub and how long that takes). Additionally, many STIs are called such because they can only transmit through vaginal fluids, semen or blood. They don’t exist in saliva enough to be transmitted through those channels. Additionally, knowing that most STIs are very treatable helps you defeat your own internalized stigma, and have less fear. With a clearer head, you can have more fun and make healthier decisions.

When all else fails, tip three is here to help. The last tip to stay sexually safe is to know your own status. Personally, I make it a point to get tested every six months. If I’ve had a lot of partners, I might get tested more, but it depends. I test through my Primary Care Physician, which is covered by insurance. It costs some lab fees, which add up to around $130 every time. That is nothing to sneeze at, I know. This a priority I set in my own budget so I can stay healthy and keep those around me healthy too.

However, I recently found I realize the acronym STD is out of date, but their service is not. They work with a series of contracted labs to provide testing nationwide. It’s easy to find something close. In addition to convenience, the fee for is only about $200. You get a ten-panel test. Since it is independent of insurance, it’s easy to do. And yes, it does sound like a scam. However, I have used this service and it is a valid and legitimate service. It took less than 30 minutes to get blood drawn and a urine sample. I had all my results within three or four business days. Which means I could get back to business, if you know what I’m saying.

This is the last fail safe in my eyes. If you know you have made a minor mistake, or had an accident happen, you can know the results and take appropriate measures in the future. That’s why this step is both the last, and the most important. In a way, it’s being edu
cated about yourself.

Without further ado, that’s all, folks! Being safe is sometime difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. For my part, I know I feel sexier when I know my sexual health. This may seem like 101 level information, but I hope it helps you navigate your future sexy encounters.

Indigo Does a Year-End Tour of 2018!

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the final post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links? Do you think using my year-end wrap up is a cop out? Well, whatever! I’m an adult and I do what I want.

10 out of 10
Pairs well with champagne to ring in the new year and new experiences!
Look. I’m not gonna lie here. 2018 was a shitty year for a lot of people. I lost a relationship. I had many run-ins with assholes from dating sites and real life. I struggled with a lot of bouts of depression. I lost my beloved car.
But there was also a lot of growth. I went on my first trek to Colorado, where I lived in a tent for two months and made a ton of friends. I have grown so much in my personal life thanks to the help of a great therapist. I have learned a lot about blogging and the politics of the sex industry. And I’m one year closer to my goal of finishing school. Most importantly, I am still alive, and I’m still passionate about what I do. So without getting too sappy, let’s do the year-end wrap!
So let’s talk stats from the year! I’ve chosen some different ones to focus on this year!

  • Number of Posts: 50
  • Number of Words this Year: 64,662
  • Average Words per Post this Year: 1,293

Traffic Stats

What are my top toys this year?

Honorable Mentions

The Least Favorites

My Favorite Bloggers This Year
Taylor J Mace of Feisty Fox Films. Taylor has been an amazing friend and extremely fun play partner this year. Together, we have explored fisting and food play and other kink. But more than that, they have helped me through the tougher times of both my blog and my personal life. When I feel unmotivated, they have helped me remember why I’m working on this. When I feel anxious, they have calmly walked me through every outcome. It’s been amazing to watch their fun through twitter, and I am so glad to call them a friend this year. Not to mention, their writing, which has not only opened up my eyes to new things and perspectives, but also is just plain captivating. What a fucking talent. In addition to their own work, you can find their spotlights which look into the work of new bloggers and highlights them. Taylor always seems to be finding ways of giving back. I heart them.
PolyRoleModels, run by Kevin Patterson. This year has been a year that I’ve focused on growth. Specifically, I’ve been working on my growth around race and privilege. This was sparked primarily by a Multicultural Psychology class in the Spring. But one of the best resources I gave myself access to was work by Kevin. His book, Love’s Not Colorblind was another way to obtain new stories around people of color, which I didn’t have before. In addition to this work helping so many people, he also has consistently helped other small bloggers and given so much of his own time and effort into these efforts.
Carly, who runs Dildo or Dildon’t. Carly is a stellar human who works amazingly hard to upkeep her blog. She has wonderful insights on everything from sex toy gifts to industry dos and don’ts. Her experience as a sex toy retailer and sex worker have made her blog diverse and wonderful to read. Carly has also been helping me on my work with Woodhull to make sure that things are as good as they can possibly be. Carly has amazing blog posts around toys, but I think that I find her opinions and other pieces more helpful. She talks about her identities, and her work, which brings to light so many important things that otherwise get ignored. I find Carly charming in person, talented in business/writing, and delightful on Twitter.
Some Goals I Set (and Met) This Year
Last year, I wanted to educate more than I reviewed. I would say that my education has definitely been on the upswing. I did one workshop for teens, and I am working on more through my college. I also have worked with some other events with my college, which has been an amazing experience. I also have gotten a lot more money from my blog this year than in my first year of blogging. I had a sponsor for Woodhull, and I did five sponsored posts! I have yet to do a giveaway, so that will go right on the list for next year!
This year, I also did so many more things that I wanted to in a sexual sense. I still don’t have a consistent local partner, so it’s been hard to explore threesomes or other group sex things. But I did get to explore more knife play, Boot Blacking, and a brief bit of pony play. So a lot of goals get to just roll into next year.
However, I also accomplished things this year that I didn’t think I could. I wrote twelve posts this month! I wrote four sponsored posts for the same company! I met new people, and was able to explore my own polyamory. I began to stand up for myself in relationships. I began to work with Woodhull to do my part and I’m hoping to keep building my work as an advocate and better ally. I even met some amazing new people I get to call bang buddies. I also started opening up around my past and how I develop!
Goals for Next Year

  • Practice my work with SEO so I can continue to feel growth.
  • Host at least one giveaway

My other goals are personal ones. Next year, I will finish school. But I hope to have a partner because I hate being single. I also have goals of finding myself even more than I have this year. This includes working hard in therapy and beginning to dissect non-romantic relationships. I also want to work on things around my exes. I want to make sure I’m growing away from the patterns with them that were harmful. But my blog seems to be growing in an amazing direction, and my goals for it are limited. Instead, I want to see where it goes on it’s own.
Here’s hoping 2019 is better than 2018 for all of us.

Indigo Writes: Introductions

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the eleventh post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

This is another piece of erotica that I have been kicking around for a couple of weeks now. I am really proud of it, but it is definitely over 7,500 words. Enjoy, and Happy Holidays!

“What do you like about them?”
“His hair is so curly. And that beard, holy hell. And look at how tall he is!”
“First off, they use they/them. Their name is Ben.”
“Wait! You know this person and you didn’t say?!”
“No, I like watching you gush. It’s very cute. And also, it gave me an idea. You know how I like to introduce my friends to each other. I was thinking that Ben would like to know you. And now that I know you want to know them…”
Colin smiled at me across the table. Fuck, I fell for it every time. I felt myself blush and I knew he could tell I was embarrassed about it. Though he never described himself as kinky, Colin sure did like me in predicaments. He said it was sort of a unique dynamic to him, and I was grateful for it. The fact that I was unique in this tangible way was a comfort during my depressive episodes.
“And besides, I know he’s kinky. Well, at least kinkier than me. You know how I am.”
Despite his words, our sex was still some of the kinkiest I knew. He was magic with his hands, and surprisingly, his feet. I never understood how that happened.
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind an introduction. Especially if I can touch that beard.”
Colin winked at me as the door to the cafe shut behind us.

I smiled in the mirror assessing my appearance as I stepped into the cargo pants and tank top. It was hard to believe someone once said cargo pants weren’t flattering on anyone. Clearly, they hadn’t known my ass very well. I shoved the last hair band around my bun and left the bathroom into the hotel room. Ben and Colin were on the bed and couch respectively. They had been chatting, probably about something I didn’t know about.

There had been some easy drinks laid out. A little rum and juice to help the hotel room feel more like home. I grabbed my cup and sat on the bed next to Ben. Honestly, I was already turned on. Even if Ben wasn’t going to fuck me, I had a hotel room with Colin and that would be enough. However, it was an ideal night, and the chatter continued casually.
I don’t know what shifted the mood, but as I came back from drinking a cup of water, Colin suddenly stood and said “I can’t resist,” before leaning in for a kiss. I wet my lips a little and stretched my neck to his. It was only about a four inch difference, but he was my first partner to be taller than me, which always seemed to make him smile.
We got lost for a little bit, letting our familiar movements land. A tongue flick, a nibble of the bottom lip. It was clear that I was more aggressive with my lips and teeth, even though I had never shown aggression anywhere else. I heard Ben chuckle behind me and turned as he stood up.
“Good lord you’re tall.”
“Probably about 6’6″, honestly.” He looked a bit shy as I said it.
I felt a little bad and stepped to them, reaching up with both hands. On tip-toe, I closed the eight inch difference as I said softly “It’s exquisite.”
We met and I think it shocked them when I immediately found their upper lip and pulled on it a little with my lips. I was never good at subtle making out, honestly. However, we found each other’s pace after about 15 seconds or so. Their beard felt amazing around my lips and I gently let my fingers comb through it, admiring the textures on my lips and hands at the same time. We laughed nervously through our moans and let ourselves ease into a deeper kiss.
I saw a motion in the side of my vision, and I felt Colin’s hands on my shoulders. Ben let go of my lips and eased their hands around my breasts. Their hands were gentle, but the silent admiration was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to smile at them, but my chin was pulled to the side and Colin kissed my cheek.
“Did you wear what I requested?” Ben’s voice was deeper than before, and I felt myself flush.
“Excellent,” Colin said in my ear and began nibbling at my back and shoulders. This man could find my turn-ons in a microsecond. I began to feel my words slipping away as Colin’s hands ran over my shoulders, and Ben’s under my breasts. Colin bit a little harder into my neck and then went back to my ear.
“And did you wear something for me?”
I swallowed a little as Ben’s hands found their way up my shirt.
And I was lost again as Colin’s hands found the back of my pants and grabbed my ass.
“Good girl. Arms up and turn around.”
I lifted my arms and faced Colin. I immediately saw darkness as my top was taken over my head, and I felt my pants come undone. Ben took the opportunity to bite my shoulder and I gasped louder than I intended. Their hands were back on my tits, admiring the lace bra I had managed to find. The gasp was muffled as Colin put his lips on mine again and went to town. With a little drop of his shoulders, he pulled at the skin around my lower back and the crest of my butt.
We continued like this for a few minutes. My hands roamed over arms and shoulders wherever I could reach them, and my lips were caught sometimes with Colin’s and sometimes in moans. It wouldn’t take much longer for me to cum like this. Finally Ben undid my bra and pulled it off. It was apparently a good transition point because Colin grabbed my thong and pulled that down, forcing me to open my legs in the process.
All that work picking it out, and it wasn’t even enjoyed that much.
“And now,” Colin said as he grabbed my shoulders, “it’s time for introductions.”
He smiled and steered me back to the bed where he pushed me down onto my back and pushed his hands gently pressing my chest. He wasn’t straddling me, which was perfect for Ben to watch and for me to see them watching
“Ben, this is Andy. Today, she is using she/her pronouns, but that changes. And sometimes she also likes to be called a cute boy when you fuck her. She likes to be groped, and apparently, she wants a threesome. Checking in, Andy. Is this still true?”
My brain reeled as I thought of saying “No.” It was a little scary to be here with two people stronger than me. But I made eye contact with Colin and reminded myself that we had safety procedures in place and how much trust we had.
“Yes, please.”
His hands moved down my torso, and he leaned back, giving Ben their choice of my other side, which was on near the bottom edge of the bed, or between my legs, which opened as Colin’s hand slip between my thighs.
Ben knelt on the floor next to my left side. I could feel Colin’s breath on one side, and Ben’s on the other. I let my eyes close and my mouth open as I moaned. Colin’s fingers were pulling at my pubic hairs gently. Occasionally, he would push them into the mass, looking for lubricant and my clit at the same time.
Ben hesitated at first, their fingers trailing my shoulder and arm. However, I felt their other hand reach up for my hair and pull out my hairband. The tugs pushed my face towards Colin, who immediately kissed me. But Ben pulled my hair gently and pulled my face to theirs. It was more forceful this time, with their teeth pulling at my bottom lip. At the same time, Colin found my clit and pushed hard the way I love. With Ben’s other hand on my nipple and their weight slightly on my chest, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sensation and I felt myself orgasm finally.
My moans came in erratic bursts around Ben’s lips. My hips rocked into Colin’s hand. My hands grasped at both the bedspread and my thighs, with my nails raking both. My legs twitched from the pressure in my clit. It lasted for about half a minute at that intensity before it subsided. My moans turned into long breaths as the last twitches faded from my limbs.
“Oh yeah, and it doesn’t take a lot to make her cum. She’s very responsive.”
Colin was still rubbing my clit. It hurt in the best way. I knew that I would take much more than a little pain before I’d ever ask him to stop. He probably knew that too.
“She likes pressure more than movement most of the time. But once you’ve started, you can keep going as long as you want. It’s pretty impressive.”
I listened only vaguely as Colin explained a few more things. Every time his movements changed, I moaned. He showed how I liked both g-spot and a-spot stimulation. He pulled hard at my nipples.
“Love, don’t make it too easy on them. They should have to discover some things too.” I’m not really sure how I managed to moan out any words after having so many types of stimulation in a row.
Colin smiled at me and pulled his hand out. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself, but suddenly, there were new fingers in my cunt. Ben had slid down the bed and taken over for Colin. They smiled as I began to respond to their hands. Colin watched for a second, and I reached a hand to his chest, hoping to feel his skin. But before I could touch him, he grabbed my hands and lifted them above my head. I gasped under this sudden change at the same time that Ben’s thumb landed on my clit.
Colin smiled at me and watched my arms struggle under his weight. He had adjusted and managed to pin both of my arms with one of his. Stupid tall humans and their strength. He began to pull at my nipples with the other hand.
“You think you’re strong? I have you pinned with one arm, silly. And now they get to watch you squirm.”
Any words would have been good coming from those lips, but those words were especially excellent. I growled as my body involuntarily jerked. My core was tense, trying to curl up, but still grind my clit into Ben’s hand. I felt his fingers in me, alternating between my a-spot and my g-spot. It felt amazing, and the stamina of those hands was truly impressive.
“That’s right, love. If you show them one orgasm like you did for me, then you get to have both of our cocks. You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”
My world was isolated to sensations. Ben’s fingers inside me, his breath on my stomach as he got excited. I felt a bit of my own juices sliding down towards my ass. Colin’s arm pressing my arms into the bed. His breath on my ear, and his other hand groping my tits. How did he have the core strength to hold that position?
That’s when my body finally had enough. I saw Colin’s chest tense as I pulled against his arms. My back tried to curl one way, then another, working through waves. I felt my legs press closed, trapping Ben’s hand. In a brief moment, I saw his smile as he tried to keep up with my bucking. My mouth was making some kind of noise that might have been crying out, but clearly it was pleasure, not pain.
Finally one arm broke free, and I got it down to my clit. Ben’s hand was still inserted, but his thumb had left my clit free. I pressed into it hard, willing the orgasm to last longer. It began to slow down bit by bit. I let my legs relax finally, and Ben slowly pulled their hand out. My fingers left my clit just as slowly. I looked up just in time to see them licking their middle finger while watching me slowly relax. It was such a hot thing to see, I licked my lips without thinking. They laughed.
“Wow, kid. You do have some impressive orgasms. What a treat.”
“I told you,” Colin said as he let go of me. “You need some breathing room?”
I nodded and slowly pushed myself up. Colin’s hands brushed my shoulders gently. I leaned in a little and he began to gently massage. It was on of my favorite feelings when we banged. Ben seemed a little awkward standing there, so I grabbed their hand pressed it into my cheek, feeling the warmth and smelling myself on their fingers. I looked up at them for a second, and then stood up.
“You okay, Andy?”
“Yeah, just let me smell you.”
“Uh. Okay?”
I wrapped my arms under theirs and pressed my face into their shirt, breathing deeply. I could feel the confusion in their stance. I imagined Ben and Colin making eye contact behind my back. I could basically hear Colin shrug, but this is what I needed. The smell of my partners is so important. Do they use a specific soap? How does their shoulder smell different from their neck? Ben’s hands caressed my hair and shoulders for a few seconds while I calmed down.
I heard Colin shift a little, and turned my head so I could see him. He was laid on the bed, still woefully in his jeans and t-shirt.
“I feel under dressed,” I said.
I let got of Ben and climbed onto the bed, purposefully choosing to climb over Colin and settle near the headboard. I stared pointedly at my companions. The both smiled. Ben was gentle and genuinely amused. Colin’s smile told me he knew I was being a brat on purpose. He might have replied daring me to undress him if it was just the two of us. Ours was a unique dynamic, which teased kinky, but never actually used that word.
Ben started first with their pants. I wondered why I always started with my shirt. It was a habit I wanted to break, but really, it made the most sense to my body. Were people assigned male at birth different for a reason?
I got pulled from my thoughts as I noticed Ben’s underwear. They were simple briefs, but the bulge at the front was nothing to sneeze at. I suppose when you get to bang someone taller than you, they are bound to be big in other ways too. At the same time, Colin was undressing. His bulge was just as distracting, but familiar. I was suddenly intimidated by the task at hand. Two cocks at the same time was definitely going to be a hurdle. I wasn’t about to back down, but I definitely didn’t know where to start.
It was good that I had Colin there to remind me what to do. Both had gotten their shirts off, and wow did they look good. I rolled off the side of the bed and walked to Ben. I kissed their chest and let my hands roam over their shoulders and stomach, using my nails just a little.
Their cock was already half erect, probably from the show earlier. I looked up at them.
“May I?”
“Please do, kitten.”
Woof. No one had ever called me that before. I felt my cunt tense and get a little wetter still. I lowered myself to my knees and began massaging the area around the root of their penis. It was fun to play with the hairs. Gently caressing their balls.
I looked up at them and asked “What do you enjoy from someone’s mouth?”
“Well, I like to pull hair, but I was told that you prefer to be left alone at first. So I’ll just let you know that I don’t particularly enjoy my balls being played with.”
“Thank you for that.”
I let my hand move back up to the shaft and gently kissed the tip. I teased with my tongue just a little before allowing the natural suction to pull the whole head into my mouth. Wide and long. This was not going to be a night for deep-throat work. I moved my head up and down a little, letting the natural rhythm of my breathing set the pace. Ben was frustratingly silent as I did this, so I pulled him in just a little more on the next round, letting my tongue slide under the head. Finally the gasped a little.
I went on for as long as my jaw would hold, and when it hurt too much, I pulled away, letting a trail of saliva slide down my chin. I looked up as they opened their eyes and smiled.
“I like what you can do there, kitten.”
They used their thumb to wipe away a little trail of spit, and smear it over my lips. It was a subtle, but dominating movement and I immediately felt a little smaller. I continued to lick their cock, running my lips down the underside, and gently around the head. My hand grasped the shaft and applied a little pressure at the root. They let me play for a few more minutes, and I had almost forgotten Colin was in the room.
Finally, Ben placed a hand on my cheek and pushed me gently back so I sat on my heels.
“Good work, kitten. How about you show the same love to Colin.”
I looked behind me and Colin was on the bed, laying against the headboard. His hand was gently stroking down his shaft while he watched. I immediately crawled onto the bed and kissed him. We exchanged kisses for a few seconds before he pulled away.
“You’re really hot when you suck cock. Let me see it from this angle.”
I eagerly obeyed. I crawled down to get a better angle between his legs. I started the same way. A gentle kiss, which I allowed to grow into a full sucking motion. I cupped his balls gently the way I knew he enjoyed. He was much more responsive. There were small moans and curses in there. I was doing this perfectly.
Ben came up onto the bed and began playing with my ass. I stopped sucking briefly to moan as his hands massaged my hips and cheeks. However, Colin would have none of it, and pulled my head back down.
“Back to work, girl. Let them do what they need to do,” Colin said.
“Wow, your ass is really fantastic,” Ben said as they slapped it gently.
Their hands continued to roam over my body, until I felt their fingers brush my anus just a little. I moaned with my lips still on Colin’s shaft, where I had moved to give my jaw a break. I eased open my legs, supporting more weight with my shoulders.
“You’re still so wet, Kitten. It’s a wonder you haven’t slipped in this mess.”
Ben’s fingers slipped into my cunt again, pushing against my g-spot. It was a delicious feeling. Their other hand was on my back to keep their balance. I felt myself melt a little bit as they moved their hand in and out. I couldn’t feel the exact number of fingers, but it felt amazing.
“Do you need some pillows, hon?” Colin had noticed my knees sliding.
“Yes, please.”
We all paused for a minute as we pulled some pillows off the second bed and arranged them under my hips to help keep me stable. Once I was in place sucking Colin’s dick again, Ben resumed their work. This time, they had a bottle of lube next to them.
I moaned continuously, trying to keep focused on the cock in my mouth, but it was getting harder as Ben added more fingers to my pussy. Somehow, as I was focusing running my tongue around the head of Colin’s cock, I felt some cold lube drip around my asshole. I immediately squeaked, knowing what was coming. My back tried to curl, but I reminded myself to relax. It wasn’t going to be fun if I tensed all over.
Allowing my hips to rest on the pillows a bit more, I continued to move my tongue over the head of Colin’s dick. His moans were a little more steady. I knew I was slacking in my duty, but it couldn’t be helped.
Finally, with their hand never having left my pussy, Ben pushed a finger into my ass. I moaned and let my head rest to the side of Colin’s pelvis. It felt amazing. They worked both hands for a second, and then slid a second finger into my ass. I relaxed even more, allowing the pleasure to take over. A third finger followed quickly.
“Holy shit…babe. Holy…” I moaned.
“Yeah? You really are easy. Look at how fast I could get three fingers in you. Should I try for the fourth?”
“Yes, oh my god yes.”
Colin cut in “Should I move, or do you want to keep sucking me off?”
Ben’s fourth finger slipped into my ass easily, and I shuddered for a second before returning to my job. Let it never be said I was a slacker. However, it was starting to get harder and harder to suck when all I wanted to do was moan. The moans were getting louder with each movement Ben made. Colin tried to help me out by thrusting a little, but it was no use.
I let go of Colin’s dick and screamed as I was hit with a huge orgasm. I tensed in place, trying not to move, but my toes curled and my head pushed into Colin’s leg. His hand wove into my hair, and pulled it gently. I reached up with my hands and grabbed his hips. Not for any reason except that I needed to get out some tension. My hips began to buck and my voice alternated between crying out loud and gasping for sounds.
Finally, I felt some of the tension leave. I was reduced to gasps as my arms relaxed. Colin’s hand stroked my hair as Ben removed their fingers. I let my legs uncurl.
“Great work, kitten. But I’m not done yet,” Ben said as they removed the gloves they had on.
I turned as much as I could without moving from my post, and they climbed back onto the bed, with a condom in hand.
“I want this pussy around my cock right now.”
I widened my legs for them, showing how excited I was. I opened my mouth and took Colin’s dick once more. He moaned as I sucked with new vigor. His hand wound around my shoulders and in my hair. He was a terrible bottom. Always had to be doing something.
Suddenly, I was full of Ben. They pushed their way easily into my extremely lubricated cunt. They went slowly at first, but when I lifted my hips, inviting them in, they quickly picked up the pace. I moaned around Colin’s cock. He was doing more work now, thrusting as I sucked. It was hard to keep everything up.
“Hon, I’m gonna come soon. Shift up just a little and relax,” Colin advised.
I moved up about four inches, and Ben came with me. This allowed me to open my jaw and bend my neck down.
“That’s right, rest your head on my stomach, and take the whole load for me.”
It was a lot to handle. I felt myself tense up with another orgasm. This one was much smaller than the last few. I threw my hips into Ben’s willing them to go deeper and harder. It was smaller, but it lasted longer. I didn’t yell, but I moaned a lot.
“I’m cumming, hon.”
Colin’s hand grabbed the back of my head and gently held me in place. I felt my own orgasm peak a bit as Colin’s semen filled my mouth. I felt it on my tongue first. It was warmer than everything else. As it kept filling my mouth, I could feel the stickiness of it. It was on the roof of my mouth, and just inside my lips. My back continued to tense and release. Colin’s orgasm had elongated mine. It took all my concentration to keep my jaw slack. The tension in my face caused tears to leak out of my eyes, onto Colin’s stomach. Finally, his hand let go, and I released his dick. I moaned as semen leaked out of the corner of my mouth. I had mostly swallowed so that I could moan more. The bitter taste was a little distracting, but there was still a dick in my pussy, so I bore with it.
I turned back to see if I could look at them, but it was no use. I was too spent, and my fat rolls got in the way.
“Fuck, kitten. You feel amazing. You don’t have to do a thing right now, and I’m gonna cum.”
“Yes, please cum in me.”
“Oh yeah? You looked so sexy taking that load. I love watching you drool over someone’s cock.”
They seemed to talk themselves closer to orgasm. I could feel their thrusts getting more hurried. Their breath came in short gasps. I could tell I wasn’t going to orgasm again, but it felt amazing to have them move. I pulled my hands under me and lifted my weight to my arms. It was easier to rock back into their hips this way.
“Oh yes, kitten. I love how much you want me.”
“I want you so much.”
They thrust a little harder, and I felt them begin to cum. I pushed my ass into their stomach, but moved a little less. They pushed even harder once. Twice. And a third time, they held, wiggling a little near the end. I moaned with satisfaction as they came inside me. They grunted hard, and I felt their tension relax a little. A few more quick thrusts after a second, and they stopped, leaning against my ass.
“Wow, kitten. That was amazing. Your pussy is truly divine.”
“Thank you.”
Ben pulled out and slowly removed the condom. I allowed myself to fall to the side and was about to curl up.
“Hold up, hon. Come up here and let me take care of you,” Colin said.
He moved over a little so that he was on the right side of the bed and I crawled up to his shoulder. It took longer than it should have, but I think he enjoyed watching my struggle. I let my head fall onto his shoulder and his hands gently rubbed my arm. We relaxed while Ben threw the condom away and cleaned a little bit. They grabbed two cups from the table and filled them with water. They handed one to me and the other to Colin. I sat up and began drinking it.
“Sure, kitten.”
I shivered a little. That word again. I don’t know how someone could make me feel so small with just one word. This was certainly going to be a dangerous precedent to set so early in the relationship. I would be lying if I said it really bothered me. I enjoyed being wrapped around a finger, and Ben had some really excellent fingers.
“Drink up, Andy. We aren’t done with you yet.”
I smiled into my cup and dutifully drank all of it while Colin stroked my back. Ben had gone to get their own water and was enjoying that on the couch. We all took the opportunity to recover and smile at each other. It was a very hot session.
“You know, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I do feel like my ass has gotten about half of the attention it deserves,” I said as I climbed off the bed. Colin smacked my ass as I moved past him.
“Don’t be a brat,” Colin said.
I set my cup on the table and stuck my tongue out at Colin. It was a silent tease. However, it was answered by Ben. They got up from the couch and gently grabbed my hair. They gently used their fingers to push my lips open and placed two fingers into my mouth.
“Ah ah, kitten. I didn’t say I was done with your ass, did I? It’s nice to know we both want the same thing, but I get to tell you what’s happening, remember?”
They moved their fingers and turned my shoulders to face them. They took control and roughly kissed me, not leaving any question of who was in charge. I moaned around their lips, as their hands roughly pulled at my nipples.
“Ah, you enjoy nipple play? How rough do you like it, little kitten?”
I giggled. “If I can put on a shirt without wincing, you failed.”
They laughed out loud. It was a booming laugh. Genuine. It touched me in a place that didn’t make my cunt tremble. It was a place that I could imagine genuine feelings forming from. This adorable human was dangerous for my well-being a I loved it.
But it was no time to worry about that. Their lips were back at mine and their handles pulled harder at my nipples. They pinched as I moaned, testing how much I would take before moving away. I think they were pleasantly surprised by my threshold. I moaned my way through their pinching and pulling while their teeth tugged on my lips. It was a great way to get me worked up, but I could tell it was helping them too. Their erection was slowly starting to grow again.
“To the bed.”
It was an order murmured forcefully into my mouth, but they followed it up with a push. It wasn’t enough for me to hit the floor, but I did stumble a little bit. I got to the bed and sat down, waiting for the next instruction. Ben wasted no time. They got down on their knees and pulled my hips towards them. I hesitated just a hair, but opened my legs and laid back. When I looked towards the head of the bed, Colin was lounging again, just smiling and stroking his cock gently.
Ben lost no time. Their face was buried deep in my vulva. I lifted my pelvis a bit to let their tongue find my clit. They let it play there for a second, but quickly pushed it between my labia. I let myself be taken into the sensations. Receiving oral wasn’t historically my favorite, but I focused on their hands around my thighs and their tongue pushing across my vulva. It wouldn’t be enough to make me orgasm on it’s own. It would also be something to work on later, which I didn’t have an audience. I didn’t know if Ben would be comfortable receiving feedback with Colin there.
I let them play with me, moaning when things felt good and stretching my hands up to Colin when I needed to release tension being built. It was a perfect tease to get me ready for what I knew was coming.
They pulled away, and I could see the fluids in their beard. My fluids. I knew the smell so well, even though it had changed recently thanks to the hormones. I had just enough time to smile before they adjusted to slip their fingers inside me again. Somehow, they smoothly stood up and brought their face to mine. How the hell did both of these people have such strong cores? They smelled strongly of me, and I felt a brief moment of pride. That was me stuck in their beard. I was the dominant smell on them.
Their lips brushed mine, allowing their bread to paint my face with my own smell. They waited for a minute, inviting me up to them. I lifted my head, but couldn’t connect. I opened my eyes as their fingers stopped. Their eyes were playful, but stern. This was a test. I lifted more, trying hard to reach my lips to theirs. They moved again, evading me. I pouted and let my head fall back. Then they suddenly clenched his fingers into my g-spot and pressed their lips into mine hard. I gasped and they took the opportunity to stick their tongue in my mouth. It was a ploy of dominance. I didn’t paint them with my smell. they painted me with my own. It was a warning not to get too cocky.
They continued like this for another few minutes. Teasing, and then dominating. Their fingers alternated between my g-spot and my clit. I was pretty sure there was a puddle underneath me.
“Hey, Ben, I’m starting to get a bit cold up here.”
I had almost forgotten Colin was there. Again. Ben smiled and then pulled away, leaving me open and exposed. Their hand trailed discharge down my thigh as they pulled out and I didn’t move, waiting for their order.
“Well, kitten. You heard him. Go warm him up.”
I flipped over and looked at Colin. He wasn’t quite erect, but he was getting closer. I climbed up to him, feeling a whole new energy. It was time for the main event, at last.
I straddled Colin, letting his cock rest between my ass cheeks and bent down to kiss him. He leaned into it and we exchanged familiar tongue motions and nibbled on each other’s lips. He pulled my head to the side and began to chew on my neck that way he was so good at. I moaned into his ear and let my hips slide back a little. I could feel him more erect, and began to wiggle, hoping to stroke him a little with the motions.
“Oh yes, Andy. That’s excellent,” Colin moaned into my shoulder.
He chewed harder on my neck and his hands groped around my shoulders and down my back. He was looking for some hold. I was beginning to lose some control from being so turned on. I was focused on keeping my weight on my hands.
I stopped him and turned to Ben, who was already holding out a condom. They had already put one on their own cock, and they had evidently been enjoying the mini show, because they were hard as a rock. I lifted myself back to straddle Colin’s legs and tore open the condom wrapper. I pinched the top and slowly rolled the sides down. Colin, grabbed it and finished because he knew I was still timid about the process. He smiled at me.
“Good job, hon.”
I wiggled a little at the praise. Then I gently lifted my hips and lowered myself onto his cock. He tried to help get inserted at first, but I swatted his hand away with an internal eye roll. He cannot reach into my labia to help, no matter how much he thinks he can. I felt his cock enter, and I let myself down all the way, easing my knees apart just a little more. He let his eyes half close, and I began to move a little bit. It was more just to make sure he was fully erect, but he moaned a little and his hands rubbed my thighs.
I suddenly felt more weight on the bed and Colin’s legs opened a little behind me, allowing Ben the room they needed to get right behind me.
“Hey kitten, you gotta lean forward.”
I felt their whisper more than I heard it because their lips were right on my ear. I shivered at the feeling, and their hands gently pushed my shoulders forward. I slowly leaned forward, adjusting my hips as I went to keep Colin inserted. I slipped back a little and lifted my ass a little. This would allow Colin more room to thrust, and exposed more of my ass to Ben.
Colin had lifted his arms, and let me nestle mine under. I let more weight fall onto his chest.
“Let me know if it’s too much weight, okay?”
“I will, don’t worry,” he smile and kissed my cheek.
his hands found my shoulders. It wasn’t an easy position to hold, but I wasn’t sure we would have to hold it long. I was already so turned on, and Ben was going to have the easiest time out of the three of us.
I squeaked a little as I felt the lube on my ass again. Their fingers worked it into my anus and onto their cock. I breathed out as they gently pushed the tip against me.
“Let me know when we need to stop, kitten. I’m all ears.”
They pushed a little, and it felt amazing. I had Colin’s cock in me, and here was Ben’s, longer and a tad thicker. I moaned, wrapping my lips around a piece of Colin’s shoulder. They eased in a little more, and I let myself relax even more. They kept going until they were all the way in. I felt a tiny twinge of pain as my muscles tensed.
“Hold here for a second,” I said, feeling a little bit of wetness in my eyes. I didn’t think this would be the type of session where I would cry, but the sensations must have overwhelmed me.
“You got it kitten,” Ben said.
We all waited, breathing a little deeper. I moaned a little as I shifted slightly. My chest was pressing into Colin’s and his hands were gently pulling at my hair and shoulders. I felt my muscles relax even more, and the pain left.
“Okay. You can go now. Slow at first.”
Ben slowly pulled out a little, and I moaned again. There was so much happening all over my body. Colin’s breath on my shoulder and my legs around his hips. His cock inside me as he slowly rocked his hips up. Ben slowly pressing into me again. Their hands on my hip and back.
There was one more faint pain as Ben began to speed up a little bit, but it gave way to a full and satisfied sensation. I continued to moan, and stopped trying to shift as they went a little faster.
“Holy shit, kitten. You feel amazing.”
“I think this tightened your pussy up more than that plug, Andy.”
I could hear their moans, and I lifted my ass a little, countering Ben pushing in and Colin’s pulling out. I was starting to feel a rhythm and my holes were starting to loosen up from the lube and motion.
“Fuck me.”
I growled it into Colin’s shoulder, but it was loud enough for them to hear.
“You sure, kitten?”
“Yes, please. Fuck me. Hard. More. Now.”
Ben took the order like a champ and increased their movements. It was deeper and faster. I felt their grunts with each push. Colin groaned a little under me, but he was struggling to thrust properly without his legs.
It didn’t matter, because I was drooling into his shoulder. It felt so amazing. Ben was pushing harder and I could feel their hands over my ass, groping and occasionally smacking it. I let out a squeal every time, and I think that was part of what they liked. It wasn’t long before my body began to shake. It was too hot for me to handle.
“I think I’m gonna come.”
“Yes, kitten, come for me.”
I let my tension go. I felt myself crying out, and it felt like sobbing. I heard Colin breathing harder. I felt his hand pull my hair, and I curled my neck into it, stretching open my mouth in a pathetic scream. Ben thrust harder, grabbing my hips and leaning more weight into Colin and I. My holes both tensed as I began to feel waves of the orgasm crashing over me. I was sobbing into Colin’s shoulder, with my hands under his arms, nails digging into his biceps.
I heard Ben start to orgasm right after me.
“Oh fuck, baby. God this feels amazing.”
Their thrusts were even more powerful now, and I rocked my ass back into their cock, trying to get as much as possible into me. I felt Colin slip out of my pussy, and I wanted that back, but it was too late. I was in the middle of a huge orgasm, and Ben was working through their own too. We came without Colin, rocking into each other, and I felt lube and vaginal discharge leak out over his cock.
“That’s right. Come for us, hon. This is so fucking hot.”
Ben finally stopped and gently pulled out. I was trying to catch my breath, but Colin had started moving his hands up and down my body. I didn’t quite realize that Ben had left the bed, but apparently, Colin had. He grabbed me and began to turn me onto my back.
“Come on, hot stuff. I need to fuck you hard right now.”
I was still feeling tender and disoriented, but I let him turn me onto my back. He was inside before I could tell what happened. I moaned, and he smiled over me.
“That’s right, Andy. I get to fuck you hard because I didn’t come with you and Ben.”
I moaned my consent and grabbed his arms, trying to be as responsive as usual. But it wasn’t working, and he knew it. He grabbed my hands one after the other and put them above my head. I could feel his weight over them with one arm. I was pinned. I looked at him still thrusting into me. Fucking tall asshole. Immediately, his other hand came up to my mouth and pulled my head to the side.
“I know what you’re thinking and you can stop sassing me now.”
I moaned. How did this non-kinky human do these things?!
I struggled against his weight, trying to get anything free so I could thrash. I was feeling overwhelmed by sensations again. But his hold was good, and I was tired from having so many orgasms already. All I could do was lay back and lift my hips, trying to let him deeper into me.
“You want me to come in your pussy?”
“Yes please.”
“You have to say it.”
“I want you to please come in my pussy. Please.”
“Good girl.”
I tensed once more, arching my back and letting my feet push against the bedding. It was amazing to feel so taken, and to be praised. The orgasm was small, but it was enough for Colin, who began thrusting with more intensity, but in shorter bursts. He moaned in my ear.
“Fuck, you’re so easy to…fuck.”
I cried a little, feeling some tears trickle out of my eyes. Colin thrust a few more times, releasing his semen into the condom, and then he relaxed. He let me have my arms and face back. I stretched my arms out and gently lifted my head to kiss him. It was soft and caring. We did that for a few seconds, and then he pulled out and got off the bed to take off the condom. I felt very cold and left.
Ben came up to me and I pulled their arm, indicating I wanted them on the bed with me. They climbed on and we shifted so that I was in the center. I buried my head into their shoulder and let out a few sobs. They were just left over tension from the evening’s activities. They quietly stroked my hair as I burrowed into their chest and wrapped my legs into theirs.
Colin eventually came from the bathroom. We were already half-asleep. He turned out the lights and climbed onto my other side. I could feel that he was wearing soft pants, and I eased my ass back, gently pressing it into his pelvis. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around my middle. I laced my fingers with his, and we rested them between my chest and Ben’s. And that’s how I fell asleep.
I blinked my eyes open a little as my hand slipped from Colin’s. He was up and moving around. Ben was still snoring soundly. It was already 7?
Colin quietly bustled around the room, putting on clothes and picking up possessions. I watched him from where I was with my head on Ben’s chest. Somehow, I ended up under a blanket, with my legs wrapped around Ben’s left leg. They were on their back, with their arm behind my shoulders.
Colin had everything and glanced back at me. We made eye contact and I lifted myself up. He walked over and we kissed once, letting it linger at little.
“Thanks for the introduction, hot stuff.”
“No problem. Have fun on your date today.”
“Good bye. I love you.”
“I love you too, hon.”
We kissed again, quicker this time. Colin pulled away first and smiled at me. As he opened the door, I settled onto Ben’s chest again, waiting for the 9 o’clock alarm before I would get up.

Indigo Tries Flirtatious Pheromone Infused Body Mist

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the tenth post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

7 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a classic martini. It is the drink of flirts. Shaken, not stirred, my friends.
This toy was sent to me by the kind folks at SheVibe! You can purchase this particular scent, which is listed as Pomegranate, Fig, Coconut and Plumeria for about $14 (USD) at time of posting. Or peruse their other scents, which include Passionfruit and Guava, or Vanilla, Sugar and Sweetpea.

A bottle of the Flirtatious Pheromone Infused Body Mist in on a blank white background. The bottle is mostly black with a purple strip at the top, and purple font naming the scent as "Pomagranate, Fig and Plumeria."
Image courtesy of the SheVibe product page.

As a student of psychology, specifically focusing on relationships, I have been interested in pheromones before. Science focuses on pheromones in the communication of insects and other types of creatures because they are the primary language for them. Humans, as we know, depend less on pheromones and more on spoken and written language to communicate. In fact, it was thought that our olfactory cortices could not pick up on pheromones at all because they were so small. However, if pheromones can be detected, then they most likely do play a part in dating and relationships.
There’s scientific evidence each way. Since I am primarily a scholar, I looked to the research. I found that girls who lived with step-fathers were more like to start puberty at earlier ages. This may tie into the idea that someone who is eligible as a mate being around them is providing the types pheromones which signal a close mate. As a result, their bodies are stimulating the appropriate measures to become eligible mates themselves. There’s evidence that women who live around each other are likely to sync up their menstrual cycles. And there is evidence that placing pheromones related to sexual arousal in a setting makes it more likely for those in that setting to engage in sexual behaviors. However, when those same pheromones are placed directly onto the subjects, they do not stimulate sexual behavior. There’s also evidence to to support the idea that those with uteri are most sensitive to pheromones when they are ovulating. This is believed to be a method by which they can discern the best mates.
So what does all this mean? Well, to sum up, it’s likely that humans secret pheromones and that those pheromones affect the responsive behavior of others. However, it’s easy to override pheromones, so you don’t want them directly on your skin. You want them near you (such as a clay necklace smeared with the appropriate oils). Additionally, there has been limited research on pheromones and dating. We can determine the sex of someone based on their smell (though there has been no research around this with transgender individuals). Cis women are more likely to find the smell of a cis man attractive if his face is symmetrical.
So when it comes to bottling and selling pheromones, how is it possible to have them help you catch someone’s eye?
Well the short answer is that they can’t. But the long answer is a bit more complicated than that. When humans use pheromones, we aren’t sure what our brains search for. It’s still hard to parse out all the signals that pheromones can send. And when we can, there has been evidence that we search for scents that are least like our own. This may help us diversify the genetics of offspring. So when you’re looking to attract a potential mate, you want to smell as different from them as possible. That means that in order to have the best chance, we have to find the pheromones we do excrete and then add new ones that aren’t already on that list. But in addition, we can’t excrete pheromones that signal certain things. For example, excreting pheromones that are associated with pregnancy, or sexually dormant periods are not likely to attract a mate.
In essence, this spray, and the “science” behind it doesn’t work. There are no specific pheromones listed on the bottle, so it’s impossible to tell. Even if I knew what pheromones were present on me, I wouldn’t know if this added to them or just doubled up on one I already had. The product page describes the pheromones as “gender friendly” which may mean they just use the sexual arousal pheromone. However, that pheromone is often non-effective in non-sexual contexts, and almost completely ineffective for cis women on hormonal birth control.
So I tried it a couple of ways anyway, just to see what happened. I actually like the scent, which is listed as Pomegranate, Fig, Coconut and Plumeria. Fig and pomegranate are some of my favorite scents, but it does feel like a lot is happening in this scent palate. I could have used maybe one or two less scent profiles. However, I do enjoy it enough to use it. A few people I met really did not like the scent of it. I’ll never know if it was the pheromones or the scent itself. But I’ll go ahead and bet on the scent.
I did notice that after a while, my own scent changes. It never occurred to me that I would also react to the artificial pheromones I wore, but it does attest to there being some kind of pheromone involved. My own odor changes just a little bit, and I haven’t figured out if it’s a specific type of response or not. I’m one of a few people who would notice that because my sense of smell is so strong. I also don’t notice any other reactions, such as heightened libido, so the reaction is completely physiological and not strong.
When testing, I originally placed it directly on my skin with the idea that it would permeate like traditional perfume oil. I didn’t know then that my own pheromones would negate it (as the scientific evidence shows it might). Nothing really happened, and I didn’t notice any reactions from others. After a small bit of research, I saw a study that found placing pheromones on the chest of a cis woman did not illicit reactions from her or her partner. But when it was on a necklace she wore, it did illicit a reaction (though the effect was not strong).
So I tried it on my clothes like one would normally use a body mist. I have to be honest, I did feel like more people noticed me. I felt like I was turning heads a bit more and I was a little more confident. However, I can’t say if this is true or not. It may have honestly been due to a placebo effect. It may have been because when I used this, I was often going out to an event and therefore, I put more effort into my clothes than usual. It may have all been in my head, and I only imagined people staring because I wanted to. I also have to be aware that I was growing a beard during my testing of this, so maybe I was paranoid people were staring because of that.
Overall, I don’t dislike this product. I can’t say with certainty that it doesn’t work, or that it does work. The research around pheromones is still sparse enough for me to doubt that there’s solid science. But if it helps me feel more confident even by coincidence, I’ll keep wearing it.
This toy was sent to me by the kind folks at SheVibe! You can purchase this particular scent, which is listed as Pomegranate, Fig, Coconut and Plumeria for about $14 (USD) at time of posting. Or peruse their other scents, which include Passionfruit and Guava, or Vanilla, Sugar and Sweetpea.

Indigo Plays Favorites with Companies!

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the ninth post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

10 out of 10
Pairs nicely with some hot tea. It makes you feel warm and cozy inside, and it can be a stimulating past time.
So a little bit ago, I confessed to playing favorites with companies and I worried that it might be unprofessional or give me a bias. A few people jumped in to say that this isn’t true, or if it is true, then it’s not an issue. So I spent some time thinking about what I do as a reviewer. In the sex toy industry, we are all alone. There is no standard way to do things, and there are often no laws or restrictions. Returns are not possible (or should not be if they are, because how do you deal with a returned toy that has been on/in someone’s bits). Who is advocating for the customers?
Well that is my job. I believe that calling out problematic companies is important for this reason. Often, people buying sex toys are doing so discreetly and they don’t have time or opportunity for research. If they don’t know their bodies very well, then they might not know which toy they will like. As a reviewer, it’s part of my job to be the researcher. It’s my job to know bodies and what they will like. So when I play favorites with companies, I am just doing my job, and that’s not only okay. It’s perfect.
So without further ado, I want to talk about three different companies that I have absolutely fallen in love with this year, and tell you why! I will try not to make this post too long, but I do want to emphasize how these companies have helped me grow as an educator and blogger, and how their business has helped customers in some way.
First up is Lust Arts. I go on a lot of Twitter rants about this company. I met them this year because they approached me about sponsorship for Woodhull, as well as some consulting things. This was the first company I’ve ever consulted with, and the first event sponsor to approach me. I was so flattered to receive that email. After having my consultations with them over video, I decided that I was in love with this company.
Their boxes are always a delight to receive. I have gotten stickers and chocolates and all kinds of other treats, which is frankly delightful. This aspect of their boxes was even something we discussed in our consulting call, and it was amazing how much information was shared between me and Lust Arts. I have since heard that they have treated others just as well, including paying others for time and information, which I find to be truly delightful to hear about a company. The personal touches are great as a reviewer.
The sponsorship deal included sending me one toy to review, but I was having a hard time choosing, and so they sent me both of the toys I was debating between. When I had received them, and loved them, I was sent a replacement for one. Not because I had any issues, but because they felt they could have done a better job with the pour. Their products are amazing, and you can read my reviews of them to understand how I really feel about the toys I own from them.
I had the distinct pleasure of meeting one of the owners when I visited Colorado this year, and she was amazing and kind. We spent the better part of a day in downtown Denver and connected on so many things. I will always be grateful to have found a good friend there, and I hope I can see her again this year!
Next up is Betty’s Toybox! This company made it’s way onto my favorites list when they agreed to send me one of my first review toys. I was delighted to have their trust as a baby blogger. Later that year, I pitched them a sponsored post, and they accepted! It was that moment that I knew how this company was helping the industry. They have historically been the most open to new bloggers and have boosted so many others up. To this day, I have running email chains with them. When I finish reviewing one product, they pop right in with another they want to send me. On top of that, they never push me to finish within a time frame. I will always be happy to write thorough reviews for this company, and I’m glad they let me do my job this way.
Recently, they redid their website to make it more gender inclusive. This renovation was spurred by a call-out for their site having labels like “For Him” and “For Her.” That’s right, everyone. This company messed up and they are still on my favorites list. That’s because they acknowledged the infraction and then they fixed it. I was truly amazed when I saw this happen. It gives me hope that this company will continue to grow and help the community in the same way it has these past two years.
And last, but certainly not least is Creamed and Sugared. I have written two reviews for this company so far. There’s a lot about them that I like on paper, and that is really why they made this list. I’ve only know about this company for about five months now, so I’ve been trying to play it chill. It’s not really working though. I was introduced to the company at Woodhull this year, and I immediately liked them because they were small and local. In addition to that, they were involved in a number of small and local events. This involvement in the community was the main thing that really sparked my adoration for this company.
Their website is very easy to read, and they include their own fun personality in every description. When you read their about page, you find funny quips and open personalities, but when you read the page about caring for their products, the focus shifts into the professional demeanor that is necessary. The balance of this is accomplished well, and I will always enjoy reading it.
Which brings us finally to the products. I have two products that I received for reviews from Creamed and Sugared. But on top of that, I have handled many more. In fact, I’m pretty sure their table person is tired of chatting with me. But I just really enjoy good craftsmanship! Their products by and large have at least two functions, both of which they will accomplish well. The care for them is easy. They also offer refinishing services for a small fee, which adds security to a purchase. You know that your toy will be taken care of and that is truly a comfort.
To wrap this up, I love companies who are professional, but with a personal touch. When the quality of work is good, and their websites are inclusive, I’m going to like them. I have a strong fondness for small or indie businesses. But I also appreciate a retailer that knows what this industry needs. I want companies to support our smaller bloggers and help lifts others. And above all, I want there to fantastic quality to the products. These three companies have so much of my love, and I think they should have yours too. I’ve been a surrogate customer, so you know that your investment isn’t wasted.
Today, I’ll pat myself on the back for a job well done.

Indigo Tries the Creamed and Sugared Tippy Twister!

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the eighth post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

10 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a Whiskey Sour. It has a very solid amount of bite, but you know to expect it.
This toy was sent to me by Creamed and Sugared in exchange for my honest review. If you would like to purchase it, you can do so here for about $60 (USD) at time of posting. If you would like to look at their other amazing work, please do so here!
The Creamed and Sugared Tippy Twister sits on an orange cloth in front of a decorated bowl. It is made out of dark wood, and you can see the wood grain in the light. It looks vaguely like a knife, with a hook carved into the pommel.
So the kind folks at Creamed and Sugared gave me two toys, which I had hinted at before. But there is a distinct reason I saved this review for second. That reason is because I love this toy oh so much. Please note that this review includes some talk of blood and fear play!
And I’ll be honest here. The Tippy Twister was not my first choice of toy from them. However, I do enjoy Creamed and Sugared so much that I probably would have accepted almost anything from them. It was sheer luck that I got the Twister. And when I held it for the fist time, I was immediately in love. The wood is so dark, and it feels amazing under my finger tips. Although, I will say that Taylor hated the feeling of this finish, so there are some differing opinions here. However, I find the smoothness of this toy perfect. I can still feel the wood grain, but it’s subtle. Unlike the Twister itself.
So what is this toy? It looks like a cross between a baton and a knife. It has a handle and “blade” gently suggested in the carving of it. This gives it the appearance of something that could be used as a dagger. The main point of this is to allow those who want to experiment with fear play have a step between no knife and sharp metal bladed weapon. However, because the folks are Creamed and Sugared are so clever, there is more than one use for this toy.
Personally, I’m such a realist that I wouldn’t want this toy for fear play. I would be brought out of the fantasy by the reality that the blade isn’t sharp, and I would not enjoy the scene because of it. However, I’m also the type of person who enjoys the word “Puppy” to be carved into their thigh/chest. So the fear play aspect of this toy is not meant for me. I really love that this toy is there for those who would be less comfortable with a real blade. As a very occasional switch, I will say that this would be perfect if I were to ever top with it. The shape does convey when I hold it, even if it doesn’t when it’s being used on me. Brains are weird, aren’t they?
So what are the other functions of this toy? Well, I handed it to a friend of mine and let him try it out on me. We had been planning to do a scene anyway, and it just happened to coincide with my receiving this toy. So I let the experiment run!
The very tip of the “blade” has two points, which is why this is called the Twister. These points are designed to be pushed into the skin and then the whole item rotated, creating a digging and tearing type of action. This was the aspect of this toy I was most excited to try. Those points are mean, and thanks to some strong arm and wrist work from my friend, I was torn up in no time. This raised the toy’s rating for me because I like toys that are mean, and this one is blood-worthy.
In addition to the tip of the blade, there is another point for the pommel of the blade. This looks a bit sturdier than the tips of the blade, but it’s not as sharp. So it’s great for some skin hooking/pulling and sensation play, but I wouldn’t expect it to break skin or leave marks.
The last function of this toy is the use as an impact toy. I may not have thought of it myself, if I’m being honest, but it was mentioned as a possible use, and the dom using it on me figured that out for himself. As an impact toy, it had a little bit more sting than I enjoy. I like batons as a general rule because they have a rounded imprint when they connect, which is more likely to be thuddy than something flat like a paddle. However, if the wood of a baton is light, there is way more sting, but in a line instead of a wide area. The wood of this toy is a bit too light for it to have thud, and so I wasn’t a huge fan of it as an impact toy. Of course, I take any hits that my dom wants to dish, but in general, I found this toy not up to my thirst for thud (which is my first album name, by the way).
The Tippy Twister is sitting on an ornate bowl with the tip facing the camera to emphasize the two points at the tip, and the rough, unfinished wood between the two points.The one problem that I have with this toy is that I would not trust it to be sanitized. The wood grain captures too much bacteria. The dom who used it called it a “one and done” because now this toy is only mine. It can’t be used for others. For a dom, that is a problem because they will likely work with more than one sub. For me, I am definitely okay with this because I will never use it on anyone else. I’m not really a dom, and the doms I play with don’t get to keep this because it’s mine. But, it’s a good thing to consider when looking for toys to purchase because it might be a deal breaker for you.
After having this toy for two months, I am happy to say that I am proud and delighted to own it. I find that it fulfills many needs, even if it falls short in some others. I have many paddles and impact type toys at my disposal. This is something completely different. In a way, this toy is the result of hedging bets, but it did so successfully. For that, it earns high marks from me.
This toy was sent to me by Creamed and Sugared in exchange for my honest review. If you would like to purchase it, you can do so here for about $60 (USD) at time of posting. If you would like to look at their other amazing work, please do so here!

Indigo Tries the Ox Balls Jo-Fist Silicone Penetrator

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the seventh post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

10 out of 10
Pairs nicely with a Long Island Ice Tea. If you know you can take it, you’re gonna love it. But you have to know that you can hold it.
This toy was purchased with some help from my friend Kit Bauer. They wanted to help sponsor a review, and this is the second post to come from that process. Read both of our thoughts on fist in general in my first article for them!
The Oxballs Jo-Fist sits on a wooden surface. It is bright red, and molded into the shape of a fist to be inserted. There is a cock ring attached to the bottom of the wrist.
The Jo-Fist is a toy from Oxballs. It is designed to be worn around a cock (or a wrist) and then you can be fucked and fisted at the same time (or double fisted). This toy was purchased as I was writing about fisting because it is roughly the same size and shape of my two first firsts. In fact, after some comparison with Taylor, we figured out that it is basically his fist. And of course, since I had Taylor there, why would I use this toy when I can just use the real thing?
However, I did make a fun scenario to insert the Jo-Fist the first time. Earlier this year, I laid out all my toys that were around the size of the Jo-Fist and I began to work my way up. I will admit that the first time was not easy. This toys comes in three sizes, and I have the smallest. Even accounting that, this toy has a largest diameter of at least 2.5.” I personally believe that this a bit of an underestimate. This has to do with the shape of the toy. It’s a bit wider one way than the other because it is hand-shaped. So in reality, this toy feels a lot bigger to me than I expect.
However, I did conquer the fist, and it felt amazing. After having been fisted by a few real humans, I wanted to compare the feeling of this toy to a fist attached to a living human. I have to admit, it is different. Primarily, when being fisted by someone who also is attached to an arm, there is always more goal to reach. Fisting to the wrist, to the elbow, etc. However, with the Jo-Fist, there really is just the hand. You can’t set more goals with it.
Then, there is of course the intensity that comes with being fisted. When I am fisted by a human, I feel completely exposed and full. I have someone gently pushing me to take more, stretch more. And once I have taken their full fist (or whatever their goal for me is), then I can orgasm and receive aftercare. With the Jo-Fist, I have to not only encourage myself to fit the whole toy, but afterwards, I have to bring myself down and provide after care. These things are not unusual to me, as I have often used BDSM in my fantasizing, which creates the need for self-care afterwards. However, it is a bit of a hassle for me to do this every time. As a result, I am careful about how often I use this toy.
The OXballs Jo-Fist sits in it's original packaging. It is sitting on it's base with the fingers at the top. The packaging is just a simple sealed plastic bag.
The insertion is easy because the fist is molding into the traditional fisting formation (a wise molding choice). Additionally, the shore of the silicone is medium, so there is a lot of give with this toy. However, despite my trying, I have still only fit this toy vaginally. One day, I plan to be able to casually fit this fist in either hole. This toy is definitely not for beginners, like a lot of Oxballs’ selection.
Which brings me to one of my favorite parts of this toy. I have been a fan of Oxballs work since I found them around three years ago. They are a company comprised primarily of cis gay men who test their toys in house. That way, they know those toys function well and are of good quality. Only then do they get manufactured for the masses. I learned this as I was working at my first sex-related job in a local adult shop. I was immediately fascinated by such an involved process, and the fact that everything made by Oxballs is silicone is pretty excellent.
I will admit that the price points of their toys is somewhat of a strain. They all seem to be made in the price range for a classic duel income no kids household. This toy is around $80 (USD) even at the smallest size. I appreciate the craftsmanship, but it does make the toys inaccessible for many people. And I can find other insertables I use more often for less money.
Speaking of craftsmanship, the last thing that I want to mention around this toy is the clean-up. I have never thought about my hands or fist as having so many nooks at crannies for stuff to get stuck in until I had to clean this toy for travel. Every time I turned this thing over, I found another bit of vagina goo hiding in a place that I didn’t even know could exist on a hand. The. Worst.
The Jo-Fist is on it's base with the fingers sticking up.
All in all, I really like this toy because it fulfills a solo fisting need. I won’t use it as much as I would like to because of the emotional and physical clean up. It also helps me feel more like a gay man, which is a community I don’t feel connected to very often. But due to the size and price, it will be inconvenient for many people.
This toy was purchased with some help from my friend Kit Bauer. They wanted to help sponsor a review, and this is the second post to come from that process. Read both of our thoughts on fist in general in my first article for them!

Indigo Tries Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pump

Happy Holiday Season, Party People! This is the sixth post in my 12 days celebration! What better way to celebrate Capitalism than posting reviews where you can purchase these fine items with my affiliate links?

1 out of 10
Pairs nicely with straight schnapps. It doesn’t really taste great, and it’s not really enough to do anything powerful. All in all, you’d be better with something, anything else.
This toy was sent to me by my friends at SheVibe! You can purchase it here for about $34 (USD) at time of posting.
The Temptasia Pump sits on a purple backdrop. It is a basic black air pump with a red hose leading to a clear plastic cup.
Okay, so I asked for this toy because I wanted to see how a clit pump would work with my testosterone. I was interested in seeing the effect of those two things together. So I planned to use this once or twice a week.
And…then it arrived.
The first thing I’ll say about this system is that the full name for it is the Temptasia Clitoris and Nipple Pleasure and Enhancement System. That’s a fancy fucking name for this…collection of items.  When I got the box, I could feel that the packaging was cheap. I hoped that this wasn’t indicative of what was inside. However, I opened the cardboard top, and I found myself looking at a cheap-looking piece of equipment in a simple plastic casing.
The main component of this toy is a large plastic trigger that connects to what I’m sure is supposed to be a basic air chamber. This is the main “pump” part of the toy. The trigger mechanism is crude, and the lever comes away from the main part in a somewhat awkward way that I’m sure is not design. It also has a random cap that comes off easily, with no obvious purpose. It is extraordinarily large for no reason, and it feels clunky in use.
Which leaves the rest of the components. The tube feels like actually good rubber, and it’s easy to figure out when end goes to the pump and when goes to the cylinders. That is unfortunately the last good thing I will say. I picked up the cylinders which are supposed to go over a nipple or clit and was immediately skeptical. They were so small, they barely fit over the pad of my thumb. There is no way these cylinders would cover my nipples, let alone my clit, which is already larger than it used to be. I scoffed at these puny things, but agreed with myself to at least try them. Somewhere. If they fit.
So I assembled the thing and I went to test it on myself. I held the cylinder to my chest and began to pump. Nothing happened. So I tried again on my forearm. It was more awkward, but I was able to see the seal and make sure it was being held. Still nothing. I pulled in help from my very intelligent best friend. We sat on the couch and made “pew pew” noises while holding it to our arms. Nothing happened every time.
I can’t tell you how disappointed I am by this toy. I was excited by a pump that has direct control from the user. It was inexpensive so I could recommend it to anyone. And as it turns out, it wasn’t inexpensive at all. It was just cheap all around. I couldn’t see how the pump would work for me if I could even get the thing to work. I’m quite frankly shocked they have the audacity to charge $34 for it.
To be honest, I really tried to extend this review. I want to have good toys because I want to be able to recommend a variety. But please, don’t buy this toy. Find another pump. It might actually fit your bits.
This toy was sent to me by my friends at SheVibe! You can purchase it here for about $34 (USD) at time of posting.