Indigo Has a Herpes Scare

5 out of 10
Would not recommend especially, but it’s not the worst thing to happen. Pairs well with absinthe. You’re not sure what’s happening and there may be a problem. We aren’t sure until we’re sober again.
So in middle school, there was a “fact” spread around the school: Cold sores are Herpes. I use the quotes around the word fact not because it’s false (I assure you, it’s true). I used those quotes because there is so much more to that story than “Cold Sores are Herpes.” Since the fact was on it’s own, without the whole story, I view it as harmful propaganda, at best.
So what is the full story? Where does it start? What comes next?

A syringe and two capsules lie on a white surface.
Image courtesy of Pexels.com

Herpes Basics
Herpes is commonly referred to as cold sores. It can occur anytime and usually on the genitals or mouth. When an outbreak occurs, it usually looks like a lesion colored white or pink. Some colors vary depending on the person. It is highly contagious, and it can be pretty painful, but it’s not very life-threatening on the whole.
Many people hear this word and panic because it’s known as an Sexually Transmitted Disease (STI). However, it is most commonly passed through kissing, and very often it is passed from relatives kissing babies (so many people who have it, have had it from a young age). Many people with cold sores have had them all their lives, with a wide spectrum of frequency. According to the American Sexual Health Association, many folks never have recurrences! So if this is all herpes is, why is is it such a big deal to us?
Herpes Not-So-Basics
Herpes is a virus. I’d like to compare it to the Chicken Pox Virus. This is accurate in some ways and inaccurate in others. Most people get Chicken Pox somewhere in their lives. It’s highly contagious, and it’s hard to deal with in children because their scratching can lead to open wounds and infection. Once you have Chicken Pox, the virus will live in your body forever. Sometimes, it becomes active later (usually in older adults), and is then known as Shingles. Sometimes Shingles can pass to a new person, and the new person will have Chicken Pox (not shingles).
The biggest difference is that Chicken Pox isn’t awful, but Shingles is usually very painful, so the second occurrence is worse. With Herpes, usually the first outbreak is the most painful one, and the rest are fairly tame in comparison.
Herpes is like this virus. It can be passed on when there is a lesion present, but the odds of passing it on otherwise are quite low. In the same way that your skin protects your insides from other viruses, it protects the world from your viruses! It is possible to pass it between outbreaks, so it’s important to talk about it with partners and use barriers when mouth-to-genital contact happens, even if an outbreak isn’t present. Additionally, people who have Herpes can usually feel an outbreak forming, and know how to deal with it, as well as knowing to not be intimate during that time!
There are two types of herpes viruses. Simplex Type 1 prefers to inhabit the mouth and is usually the cause for oral herpes, which we call cold sores. If you have ever had a cold sore in your life, you have herpes! But that’s okay, and I’ll tell you why a little farther down. Simplex Type 2 prefers to live in the genitals and is usually the cause for genital herpes (including around the scrotum and anus). With this said, both types can be found anywhere, so don’t jump to conclusions about it!
A teddy bear sits on a sidewalk with a sign that says "Looking for a friend"
Image courtesy of Pexels.com

Here’s Why I’m Annoyed
Remember how I said it’s okay if you have Herpes? Here is why: 50-80% of the population does too. Why on earth is that range so large? Well the short answer is that many people are simply carriers. They have the virus present, but they don’t have symptoms so they wouldn’t know. As a result, we can’t get an accurate count of who has Herpes!
Additionally, in the battery of STI tests usually performed, Herpes is not one of them. It’s typically diagnosed by incident. If you have sores, talk to your doctor and get them identified. It’s uncommon to perform the swab test necessary to diagnose Herpes definitively.
So if it’s not tested and everyone has it, why is Herpes such a big deal? The short answer is lack of education. Since no one talks about what Herpes is (or isn’t), it’s very often assumed to be a life-threatening and awful STI. Since sex and STIs are so taboo, no one knows about them. And what happens when someone is diagnosed? Well, they are afraid. They feel like their love life is over.
So What Do We Do?
Here’s the first thing: Educate yourself. Herpes is so common that I’m sad I even have to keep talking about it like I do because no one knows about it. Stop talking about Herpes like it will end everything. It will not. I promise.
Get tested as soon as you feel something! If you do have it, talk about it. Recently, I told a potential playmate about my one cold sore (about 6 months ago). They were concerned, but I educated them and we still have regular dates scheduled, so it is okay!
Consider maybe not being a dick about cold sores. Odds are you have the virus and have passed it on. There’s a difference between being smart about sex and being alarmist. Condoms are good, and you can use them. But don’t make anyone feel shitty about it because they probably got it from a really young age.
 

Indigo Talks About Coffeeboarding

This post is intended as satire. Please accept it in the mischievous nature it’s intended. If you found it harmful in some way, please email me at IndigoWolfeadult@gmail.com to talk about it
9 out of 10
Pairs well with Bailey’s. What can I say, Irish cream and Coffee just go together.

A red coffee cup is tipped on a red plate. Beans spill artfully off the plate and onto the table.
Image courtesy of Pexels

Millennials are at it again, folx. What are they after this time? Our bathroom freedoms. What is nicer than sitting down for a poop that you know is going to take at least 15 minutes? So you pull out your bathroom reader, or a nice crossword and you start the process knowing you have 15 beautiful minutes of silence and peace while your grenades land in the porcelain princess. If it’s a particularly nasty one, you can even take an extra five minutes just for wiping.
Well, millennials are out there looking to ruin this 20 minute peace for all of us. It began with one cuppa’ on November 15th for our friend Nel Yema, or “N” as she likes to be called. It had been a rough night as she spent her sleep time working on some school work due the next morning. As a result, one cup was not enough to wake her up.
“I must have had three cups before leaving my apartment. It’s typical for me to have one there and that’s it, but it just wasn’t enough that day,” she recalls.
As she drove to work, it was clear that three would get her through an hour or two, but there was sure to be more coffee needed later. So around 11AM, just one hour after getting to her job at a local restaurant, she poured another cup, loading it with cream and sugar to get her through the lunch rush.
“I can’t really remember lunch that day. It was really busy, but I do remember asking for one refill in the middle of the rush. I had already had a lot, but I just needed more caffeine.”
For those of you counting at home, that’s 5 cups of coffee over about four hours. It is important to note that these cups were 16 ounces each. This adds up to 80 ounces of coffee before she got off work. After the lunch rush, N headed back home and felt the deep need to void her bowels. That’s when the coffee effect was truly appreciated.
“It was just so quick. I opened up twitter to talk about my crazy night of studying, but before I got to even the first word, I was done. I didn’t know what to do. I was so panicked, that I tried to wipe too quick and dropped my iPhone in the toilet! It was a disaster!”
The effect is familiar to most coffee drinkers: Coffee has a mild laxative nature to it, and it’s common for many people to have a regular schedule because they have coffee every morning. What people don’t know is that too much coffee can lead to the smoothest and fastest deification possible when consumed in excess. This has often been warned against by people who drink coffee. What they didn’t realize is how beneficial it can be.
A man stands in a bathroom mostly naked. There is toilet paper draped around the bathroom artfully. The photo is artistic and in sepia.
Image courtesy of Pexels

N started a movement (pun intended) when she went to the bathroom that day. What she didn’t realize was how quickly it would spread across the internet, taking Twitter and Tumblr by storm. The practice is now known as coffee-boarding, in reference to the waterboarding torture technique. (The name itself shows that millennials have no respect for veterans.) The practice includes having at least 40 ounces of coffee in no more than two hours. As a result, the bowels will move smoothly and quickly, reducing bathroom time to mere seconds before bustling onto the next bit of millennial whining they must get to.
Coffee-boarding is being swept up by college students primarily right now, but there have been some trends of young professionals downing the drink by gallons. Luce Stool is a 20-year-old college student who now coffee-boards three days awake so he can be awake for his morning classes and make it to afternoon classes with time to void his bowels. He says that coffee-boarding makes it possible for him to take 16 credits and have a weekend job without dropping any productivity.
“It’s like, saving my GPA right now. I’m so wired in the morning, I just jump out of bed. The only downside is that I have to go to Starbucks, and the coffee is so expensive. I don’t get a frequent customer discount for another three weeks.”
But is coffee-boarding healthy for you? Experts say “Why is this even a question? Of course it’s not.” But there is outrage at these comments from professionals everywhere who say they’ve coffee-boarding for months and experienced no side effects. Some even boast of losing weight due to this new habit.
And health effects aside, the printed book market is already suffering. The next industry appears to be bathroom readers, which have been in decline since the invention of toilet-texting in the early 2000s.
John Loo is an expert on bathroom readers. “They’re just gone. There ain’t no good ones anymore. I can’t even pull them up on my kindle now. I suppose I’ll just have to do the crossword instead. Even that’s getting harder since those damn millennials killed the newspapers.”
Even toilet-texting is in trouble from this new trend. Recent studies have shown a decline in people using their phones in the bathroom because there just isn’t time to text between sitting down and wiping. There’s a chance that already limited communication techniques used by today’s young people will fade away. After that, we may be reduced to having conversations on our couches or at our desks, which have been on the rise since coffee-boarding became popular.
Is this new trend here to stay, or is it just a fad? Only time will tell.
There is a cup of coffee on a table. It looks like the foam makes a crazy smiling face.
Image courtesy of Pexels

 

Indigo Tries the Queen Bee

3 out of 10
Pairs well with a Daiquiri. Loud, yet somehow still weak. Primarily unnecessary.
The Queen Bee retails at about $149. You can buy it from my friends at Peepshow Toys!
A grey hairbrush shaped vibrator sits in a black package tray with the manual (also black) beside it.
I was asked to review the Queen Bee as part of a Woodhull 2017 package (with the Sheets of San Francisco, and a Doxy). I was excited for this new toy, because I heard a lot about it. It was supposed to be an exciting new oscillator (though not the first, as they have claimed). The Queen had a lot of hype behind it going into Woodhull. I expected to acquire it on the second day of the convention, but I received an email letting me know there were some issues and it would ship to my door on the Sunday of the convention. “Not a problem,” I thought. It wasn’t too long of a wait.
To tide me over, I got to see the display model at Woodhull, and I was a little confused. I hadn’t made friends yet, and wandered to they displays in the blogger lounge to take up time. I was looking over the toys and picked up the Queen Bee. I turned it on, and it made this awful racket. I immediately turned it off and wandered away from the table, faking nonchalance, and afraid I had broken the model. I was also confused because one side was supposed to be intense and the other gentle, but one side moved and the other…just didn’t do anything? I said to myself: “It’s okay. The model is probably just being worked on. It’s new. The ones they actually sell are probably really great. Give it a chance.”
When I didn’t receive any update from Hot Octopuss for about three weeks after Woodhull, I sent a follow-up email. They responded, letting me know that I still had to wait. They were getting them ready and would ship out in two weeks or so. I continued to wait through retailers obtaining and selling the Queen Bee. I saw a few bloggers even receive their review toys from those sellers. And then, at the last minute (about two and a half months after the original promised date), when I had almost given up all hope, I got an email saying it had shipped. Two days later, I received the package, and immediately ripped it open.


Well, aside from being a specific shape, that confusing, marketed as “gentle” side still seemed to do absolutely nothing. So I looked at the photos on the website again. That was it. Their design was that it was the back of the toy and you could use it. At one point, while testing this feature, I grabbed my hair brush to compare. I rubbed my hairbrush to my vulva, then the Queen Bee. It felt the same. So one “feature” of the Queen Bee is the equivilant of the back side of a hairbrush. We weren’t off to a good start.
But I grabbed some lube and turned it over anyway, hoping that the main feature of the toy was enough to redeem the manufacture marking a backside of a toy.
I want to be clear about something here. I have known my current roommate for over 5 years. She knows about and completely supports my blog and my sexual solo habits. I excitedly show her all my sex toys, and she is used to hearing some weird noises from my room. The point to all this is that she KNOWS. She UNDERSTANDS. I still turned on the Queen Bee, turned it off and slowly moved away from it like I had broken something.
The Queen Bee is a type of loud that I can’t handle when I’m trying to get off. Not only is it loud, but it’s grating. I feel uncomfortable using it because I feel like I’m breaking it just by turning it on. Usually, when I use toys, someone is home and I’m about to sleep. But when I turn on this toy, my anxiety spikes. Not only can I not get off, but I feel like I can’t sleep afterwards.
So what does the Queen Bee feel like? Kate Sloan described what I now call the “Queen Bee Effect” perfectly (seriously, I was in tears reading that first couple of paragraphs). This toy feels like almost nothing on me. It claims to have deep and rumbling vibrations. Honestly, I’ve been afraid to turn it up at all and find out (the noise could shatter my old-ass windows). But when I hold this toy where I would like it to sit, it minimizes the movement (and thankfully the noise), and I will never get off. It’s a catch 22. Either I hold it feather light to my outer labia and the whole vulva gets a rave (with noise levels included) or I press it in, and I get some weak stimulation…somewhere…maybe?
I have rather chubby outer labia, and my clit is usually buried beneath them, but no matter what I tried, this toy just would not touch my clit. It was like trying to make two magnets with the same pole touch. Either my clit moved at the last minute or the Queen Bee would drop onto the bed and all was lost. All of these vulvacrobatics with a soundtrack of a garbage disposal in the background.
A grey hairbrush shaped toy sits on fabric that is gray with blue flowers. There are 4 buttons in a row, which have some small raised images to indicate what they do.
This is a photo that emphasizes the gentle side of this toy.

The buttons on the Queen Bee are also a problem. I can’t really use them and the Queen Bee at the same time. They are on the top, so they are accessible, but they can’t be felt, especially with my lubed-up fingers. So I have to pull the Queen Bee up to squint at the buttons, choose a setting that feels better than the last, and then reapply. All of this makes it impossible to use the Queen Bee with any type of dildo. It really just makes me give up. I’ll go back to my wand vibrators  and have a better time in the bedroom.
In short, I’m not in love with the Queen Bee at all. It doesn’t provide power, shape or accessibility. And all of this comes at a high decibel cost. For all it’s marketing and hype, this toy falls drastically short of where it should for the steep price $150.
This toy was given to my by Hot Octopuss in exchange for a fair and honest review. You can buy it from my friends at Peepshow Toys!
 
 

Indigo Tries ALL the Butt Stuff

10 out of 10
Pairs will with a spiced rum like Kraken. It’s bold, with a nice finish, and a little bit of orange lingering. Bottoms up!
This post was sponsored by Betty’s Toybox! Do me a favor and drop by their site to do some shopping for the products I mention, or others if they strike your fancy for other toys!
When I first heard about anal sex, it was on accident. Honestly, I made some joke about “the butts kissing” and my sister (who felt I was too young to be worried about) said “That’s a thing, you know. So don’t talk about it.” Well…not sorry little sister, but I’m here to talk about it at length!
I was inspired to write this post when I received a Pure Plug from Woodhull this year. I thought to myself “Oh good, I can review it.” I was getting ready to write that review, when another blogger commented off-hand that the Njoy items are reviewed so heavily and reviewing them doesn’t really have a point anymore. We know they are solid toys. So I made a pact with myself: I would only review Njoy toys when I had an opinion that I felt was different than everyone else’s (like the Pure Wand). In essence, if I didn’t have anything to add, I would keep my mouth shut.
This meant that I would probably never pick up another Njoy toy for review, which meant having to spend more money on toys. And then I remembered my own adventures in butt sex, and how all the toys were so overhwelming as I got started, and I realized two things: I should write about butt stuff. AND I could ask for another Njoy toy as a result. So all aboard the butt stuff train!
(A Very Brief) Introduction

Indigo's butt in black underwear with a silhouette shark and the words "Bite Me" on the seat.
Here’s a photo of my butt in case you forgot how great it is. Bonus funderwear.

Butt sex for some is a no-go. That hole is an exit-only and it’s often filled with feces. It’s unsanitary and generally gross to them. That’s fine, as long as they don’t yuck my yum, because I’ve been playing with my butt for 3 years now and I love the feeling. I want to be clear about this: If you’re cleaning regularly, not using insertables ass to mouth/vulva, then you’re doing great. The risks are quite low. Roll on, friend-o.
When exploring anal, please please please use a lot of lube and perform lots of warm-up. If possible, I recommend Silicone lube whenever possible. It’s the best for staying slick. However, if you have gloves, condoms (please use condoms!) or silicone toys, use this water-based lube! I have gloves and lube right next to my bed for exclusively butt-warming purposes. Because even though I am well-versed in butt stuff, even I need a warm-up for basic insertables. Please never ignore these things.
But of course, this post isn’t a how-to. This post is about the things that go into a butt, so lets just get started!
The Plug
When it comes to butt toys, the very first thing folx think of is the all-classic plug. It’s got a narrow bottom and top and is wide, but roughly symmetrical otherwise. This style is really easy to find, and I think that almost every company has that shape somewhere in their repertoire. It’s easily inserted, stays in place (for the most part) and it is easy to make. Because of this universality, it’s a good way to train your butt into something.
A stainless steal butt plug sits on a blue cloth. There is a sunset reflected in the steel and a brick wall in the background.
When beginning, if you you decide to go for a plug, think about the things you want in it. What size would be good for you? Does one finger satisfy, or do you enjoy having multiple fingers? The Njoy Pure Plugs are a classic for most folks. They have a lot of weight, they are smooth and easily inserted, and they are easy to clean. They are the height of luxury! But they come with a price, so be sure that you get the right size for you. It would be a shame for it to arrive and then it doesn’t fit, or doesn’t satisfy. I can’t decide which would be worse, honestly.
Beads
So here’s a disclaimer: beads are not my favorite type of toy in the world. It is hard to find a good set of beads that grows well, and also gives enough space to actually feel like anything. I have one set of “Hearts on a String” which I purchased because they were inexpensive and I could start exploring anal beads. So I hunkered down with my partner. I made him sit there and watch me masturbate. Right as I came, I yelled “GO” and he pulled. It felt like…nothing, really. I honestly thought there was a carrot in my ass that just got pulled out. Yes, it got smaller, but I didn’t experience any bumps or extreme pleasure from it.
Black silicone anal beads with four beads of progressing size sit on a green fabric. There is a crescent base with a bullet vibe inserted.
Does this mean anal beads are bad? No, absolutely not. In fact, I use them on my partners who are new to anal because they grow. It’s like having several different sizes in one toy, which can make it a great start for beginners!
If you like anal beads (or the idea of them), I did acquire this set of beads from Tantus whose shape I absolutely love. They grow with space between the beads, so I could feel my anus expanding and retracting as they were inserted and pulled. That stimulation is exactly what I love about anal, so these beads were ideal for me! They can also comfortably stay in my butt for long periods (for those extended play sessions). No carrots allowed in my bum anymore!
Dildos
Dildos are probably the last toy I think of when I think about anal play. There’s a simple reason for this: I have somewhere else that dildos should go. However, I have experienced a lot of dildos in my ass during desperate times (read: I just need things in my butt a lot). So I’m here to talk about some different dildos that are useful for this.
I’m going to start with a regular pegging dildo. These are made for anal beginners, and I say to screw the label. If it goes into a dude-butt, it will go into mine. I own one that I got originally for my boyfriend, but it’s become a warm-up piece for me now. These are very often smooth and small for easy warm-up anal play. They are also (typically!) strap-on compatible because they usually are used by folx who don’t have a penis already.
A semi-transparent dildo with orange swirls is suctioned to the wall by it's base.
The Funkit Swell is a good choice for small toys with a big impact!

I have reserved a special note for the Tantus Super Soft line. I have used both the Vamp and the Destiny in my butt, with mixed results. It seems like a lot to conquer, but honestly, they just squish so well that my butt was really just underwhelmed by size and texture. I like a little more fight in my play (yes, even from my toys, sigh). However, I do maintain that these would be great toys for folks who are stepping up from plugs to dicks/other larger items.
Other Toys
A silver dildo sits on blue fabric. It's got one bulb on one side, and three bulbs of progressing size on the other.
I wasn’t quite sure where to put the Fun Wand in this post. I consider it to be small for a dildo, and it has this delightful set of beads at one end. So I’m putting it here under “Other Toys” because it is extremely worth mentioning. I had this hunch when I saw it at my old retail job, but when I talked with Veronica of Vulva, Ink., at Woodhull this year, I was convinced that I had to have this toy for my very own butt. Now, I do and I cannot stop using this toy in my butt. It feels amazing. It’s smooth enough to thrust with, but has a feeling like beads that I can’t describe. I would say that lube is extra important with this toy (and you should definitely get the extra slick silicone lube). Especially if you (like me) insist on thrusting. I have not used this toy for anything else and I sort of suspect that my butt has claimed it. I will probably never put this toy in my butt, honestly. If you love your butt, you should buy this toy right now. Go. I’ll wait.
Materials
As I said above, the Njoy Pure Plugs are a favorite for most people, and that has a lot to do with that stainless steel. However, I’m also a fan of glass for similar reasons. I need a minimum amount of lube, and it slides in nicely. Stainless steel and glass both clean easily and do not hold odors at all.
Silicone is great, because it cleans easy. However, since it is semi-porous, it can hold an odor, and I will often sanitize my silicone plugs to remove this odor. It’s as simple as dipping into boiling water, or mixing a 10% bleach solution for them to sit in. Don’t leave silicone in either for very long, and be sure to dry them and remind them how great they are later.
Extra Sensations
Vibration. I put it everywhere else down there, so why not in my butt? I just acquired this set of Tantus vibrating anal beads (mentioned above in “Beads” as well). My goodness, I never thought that I would love vibration so much. On my first go round, I felt that three of the beads was perfect. Then I turned on that bullet, and I immediately had to shove the fourth one in. My body wanted that vibration as strong as possible in my ass. I had one of the fastest orgasms of my life.

Weighted. If you’re familiar with kegel balls, you know that they are usually hollow with a weight in the middle that moves. I don’t know about building muscles, but I have the Fun Factory B Balls Duo, and I love this toy. I put this on when I’m just making dinner, because I love the feeling of the weights as I dance around my kitchen. I’m still waiting for a sir who will make me insert these and go up and down the steps with them. It feels amazing to do this on my own, and I suspect the show would be good for watching.
However, this isn’t something that feels great during masturbation. There just isn’t enough pelvic movement for that. Perhaps it’s better during partnered play, but I don’t have a partner to test that with right now.
Thrusting. For me, the important part of anal play is the stimulation of my sphincter. That means that thrusting is the most amazing. As I mentioned above, the Fun Wand is the best toy for this. Other smooth dildos would certainly be a good choice, though lacking interest for me. I recommend the Tantus Super Soft line for beginner butt-thrusters. Their giving silicone allows for a really easy feeling as they move.
How Butt Stuff Helps
Story time! When I discovered my gender, I was sad about a lot of things. I was sad that I lived in confusion for so long. I was sad that I didn’t have a penis I could attach and feel. But I was also sad I didn’t have a prostate. No boy would ever put his finger in me and feel that spot and make me have amazing orgasms. Or so I thought.
It’s weird, but the most helpful thing for my gender is using the Njoy Pure Wand in my butt. I will never have a prostate (unless science advances A LOT in the next few decades), but with this toy, I can feel it on my g-spot through the vaginal wall. I’ve even squirted from this! So when I have a lot of gender feels, I sit down with my Pure Wand and pretend I’m a handsome boi getting fucked good.
I also know many people who can use butt stuff to fulfill mostly impossible fantasies. I saved this one for last because it’s my surprise favorite. As I browsed the butt stuff category at Betty’s Toybox, I found the Crystal Delights Pony Tail. It was pretty, and it came attached to a plug. I added it to the list because I realized that butt stuff doesn’t just feel good. It can make fantasies real. This can go for pony tails, dog tails, bunny tails even. When you can place an item in your body that makes a scene come alive for you, that’s amazing. When you feel more like yourself with or without a partner, that’s amazing. For my part, I braided a bridle out of lovely ribbon, and I’ve got my pony plug in hand. It’s glass, it’s pretty, and I’m really in the moment.
A glass butt plug with an attached curly tail sits on a green dish. There is a brick wall with Ivy in the background.
I hope you enjoyed my stories and this guide! Go out there and fulfill your wildest, butt-filled (and butt-filling) dreams!
This post was sponsored by Betty’s Toybox! Do me a favor and drop by their site to do some shopping for the products I mentioned, or other toys if they strike your fancy!

Indigo Gets an IUD!

9 out of 10*
*Experiences vary, please talk to your gynecologist for the method that will work best for you!
Pairs well with a nice stout. I recommend Guinness, because it lasts a long time and gets the job done (for me).

A hand with an IUD in the thumb and forefinger. The IUD is a white T-shape with a slightly curved lid.
Image courtesy of https://www.mirena-us.com/

So today, I have something that’s part education and part review. I’m going to talk about my IUD and how much I love it. This isn’t a sponsored post. I just really love the method of birth control that worked for my body. I found this method by talking to my gynecologist about it, and there are many choices. Something else may work better for you! That’s awesome because bodies are different!
So first, some background! I am diagnosed with PCOS. If you want to know more about those experiences, I suggest reading this article I wrote! I was on “the pill” to mitigate those symptoms, but I was worried about how it affected my body and moods, so I talked about it! I found out how Mirena works, and I was really excited to let my body take over again.
So when you’re on oral birth control, it has to move through your whole system to get to your uterus. As a result, it’s common for folx to have other reactions such a weight gain and hair loss. In my life, I experienced a bit of weight loss, then a lot of weight gain, some mood swings and a lot of hair loss. As it turns out, my mood swings and hair loss are just my body, but I’m glad I found that out by stopping the pill.
A diagram of a uterus with a Mirena IUD placed.
Image courtesy of https://www.mirena-us.com/

By contrast, an IUD is placed in the uterus, so all the hormones it uses are a tiny fraction of what is in the pill. Instead of traveling all over the body, it travels only a few inches to reach it’s target because it lives in its target! So the hormonal changes most people experience are minimal.
My gynecologist had me stay on the pill through insertion, which is somewhat rare. Typically, they want you to be menstruating, but she said it was fine, and I trusted her. I’m glad that I did because I feel like it has a lot to do with how good my experience is. I went in to for the insertion and this is the only negative part about IUDs. I felt like I was getting probed by an alien. Not in a fun, kidnapping, tie up, gang bang, alien scene kind of way, but in an awful, painful, alarming way. (Though, that alien scene sounds kind of fun now.) I sat at the office for an extra 15 minutes trying to get color back into my face and move again. It took maybe a minute, but it was so weird and painful.
After I left the office, I went immediately to a friend’s house, sat on her couch and whined about how my uterus was trying to kill me. The cramps were pretty bad, but they slowly got better after watching two movies and eating some food. By the next day, I was mostly pain-free. A few twinges here and there, but I assumed it was my body getting used to this foreign object. By the next week, I had forgotten that it was there at all, except that I no longer took pills every day.
Some other folx I know had cramping for months after insertion of an IUD, so I really want to emphasize that stories vary. I have found overwhelmingly that my friends had an average of 1-2 months of cramps and found them to be TOTALLY WORTH IT. I have yet to meet anyone who did what my doctor had me do (staying on birth control through the insertion). I somewhat suspect that the reason cramps didn’t last long for me was staying on birth control. I don’t know the science behind that, so I may be completely off base. Again, talk to your provider about what is best for you.
Since getting an IUD, my body has leveled to it’s own. My testosterone levels are high again, which means I have some extra acne and facial hair. I use a topical medicine for the acne and I flaunt my boi-beard. I have noticed a bit of weight gain, but that has more to do with depression and eating habits than with my hormones. My moods have mostly stabilized with time and therapy. I even stopped having periods at all, which is common enough with IUDs (about 1 in 5 according to my gynecologist).
Overall, my birth control was preventing my body from being androgynous, which was great when I wanted so badly to be a better female. But now that I’ve found my gender-fluid identity, I’m more than happy that my body runs wild. It always surprises me; these little ways that the universe always knew what I was and I never did.