Indigo Tries the Satisfyer Pro 2
6 out of 10
Pairs well with a Tequini (tequila martini). It has elements of something good, but is so strong, you should only have it in small bits.
I have heard a lot about this style of vibrator, and no one seems to really agree with anyone else on it. Some folks love the way it can force an orgasm, and some think it’s very painful. Needless to say, I think this style is different than what many folks are used to, and I’m fairly certain that you won’t know if you like it until you try it.
With all that said, I feel like I CAN say that if you like a lot of direct clitoral stimulation, this toy is probably a safe bet. But when I say a LOT, I mean less of pressure and tickling and more enjoyment of pulling, or even nibbling if you’ve gone that far. Essentially, I think that if you’re new to clitoral play, this is NOT a safe bet for you. Start with something that’s gentler.
The Pro 2 arrives in a really simple plastic cradle in a box. There is a white cord to the side. That cord is USB on one side, and a magnetic charger compatible with the Satisfyer on the other side. It’s advised to fully charge the Satisfyer (about 4 hours) before the first use. And those magnetic chargers are so flipping cool. I am a sucker for things that connect easy. So far, I have had the best luck with the magnetic chargers, and I look forward to using them every time. (JESUS INDIGO, STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CHARGER YOU DORK. [Not sorry.])
When I turned on the Satisfyer for the first time, I was a little afraid of the noise it made. It sounds a little like a raptor crooning. I made several jokes about it being a “clever girl” and applied it to my genitals. And this is where my jokes with the satisfyer ended. When it turns on, it starts at the lowest setting and if I put it against my finger, I can clearly feel the suction. I was really excited to find my clit with it and feel that suction. But…nothing really happened. So then I had to press the other button, which is a different hard button, but under the same soft piece of silicone as the power button for whatever reason. It looks like a shitty volume button, and no, they aren’t clearly labeled. But I digress.
I said “fuck it, I’ll turn the thing up!” And I turned it up a notch at a time, cycling through the many different power settings, and this is where the story gets a little weird. The anatomy of my vulva isn’t so unusual to my knowledge. I might have some fuller labia than others, but my clit is fairly normal, despite my hormone imbalance. My point is this: The Pro 2 hurts me. And not in a fun way, even. I mean, I called it a raptor, but I didn’t think it would actually hurt!
The Pro 2 placed against me on the lowest setting feels like a tickle and I laugh at it. If I press it harder (because I LOVE pressure), it still feels so minimal. But when I turn it up, the suction feels like it doesn’t change. What does get turned up is the vibration, and my clit is surrounded by this circle of high vibrations. And it hurts. It hurts coming from the person who regular mashes their clit into pulp while masturbating. This hurts from the person who (sometimes) shoves a wand right on there with FORCE and LIKES IT.
But that’s not all. It feels like the Pro 2 puts all it’s emphasis on the vibration. Here’s this really great sucking sensation, why am I just putting a ring vibrator on my clit? That’s not creative. What’s more, it’s so pinpoint that it’s not great for me. When you pair these things with the fact that Satisfyer as a company claims that it’s products are “The Best Toy of the Year” etc., I get a little salty. Every toy company says this. When you take the one cool thing you could have and then downplay for something as overused as vibration, I get frustrated.
However, I do think the toy is a nice shape, especially compared to the older models I’ve seen. So far, I haven’t had any wrist pain from using it. It has a lot to do with that bulbous handle. So I suppose they have that going for them?
Basically, I’m not enRAPTORed by this product. In all honesty, this toy does get me off. But I have to somehow find this perfect balance of enough vibration to feel it and not too much (which causes pain). If I get too much, I sit in bed crying “Shoot her! Shoot her!” (More Jurassic Park references.) But if I get too little, I can’t really orgasm from it. The buttons are not very intuitive, but the manual doesn’t really help. For this much money, I expect some sort of guidance at least when it comes to using the toy, and I also expect it to not make wild claims and then focus on vibrations.
They can keep the raptor noises though. Those are fun.