Indigo Tries Neon Luv Touch Vibe

2 out of 10
Would not really recommend.
Pairs reasonably well with Mad Dog 20/20. It’s really an exercise in the folly of youth and somewhat poor decisions.
It retails for about $13 at most Spencer’s stores. If you decide to buy it (spoiler alert; you shouldn’t), you should buy it from my friends at Wicked Butterfly.

I am very new to the scene of sex toy reviews. I didn’t know all these toys existed until a few months ago. As a result, I had a really hard time writing this review. But I attacked it from a personal space and a sex toy reviewer space.
Let me cover a few bases first:
Pipedream has some really sketchy advertising. I do not condone it in the slightest, and I considered myself a feminist, even if I’m not always feminine. It is a large part of the reason that I cannot recommend this product for anyone to use.
Pipedream has not answered this in a satisfactory way. They continue to stand behind their decisions, and they justify them with “Men want what men want.” Thank you Pipedream. I’m glad you feel the need to give children extra candy because they also want what they want. Just sayin’.
The CEO of Pipedream does not care what the toys are made of because he is quoted as saying consumers don’t care. As a result, how can you be sure the toys are phthalate-free? How do you know %100 that you won’t wake up with a rash? I will never trust Pipedream with insertable toys for this reason. If they think I don’t care, how will they care?
Alright, have we established that Pipedream is not a company to be supported? Good. Let’s move on to the actual review.
The Neon Luv Touch line is a product that has been around for many years. I know this because this was the first vibrator I ever bought. That’s right. Numero Uno. About 8 years ago. Let’s start with back-story.
Eleven years ago, I had my first orgasm from my own hands while I watched some Hentai that’s probably not anywhere on the internet anymore. My curiosity set in when I heard about Hentai from some older kids in my middle school. I thought this sounded fun and went home to look it up on my computer. I was immediately excited, and I cleared the browser history before I went to bed. I explored my genitals through thin underwear, and I came fairly quickly. I was hooked immediately.
It took me another 3 years to buy a sex toy to aid in my sexual exploration. I spent those four years exploring my clitoris, vagina and G-spot (which I wouldn’t have a name for until years later). I decided I wanted something new in my vagina, as fingers were getting a tad redundant (it’s hard to reach one’s own G-spot consistently without aid). After buying one at the local Spencer’s, it would take another month before I had the house to myself in order to actually use it. (Side note: I was so nervous after using it that I went to my gynecologist specifically to check that I hadn’t hurt myself on accident with this new toy.)
I pulled out my vibrator for the first time and I used it, putting it wherever it felt good. On my clit. In my vagina. It did not take long for me to orgasm, and I knew I needed more of this sensation. For the next four years, the Neon Vibe was my only sex toy. I say my only one, but really I mean only product. I bought about 5 of these over the years (I’m so ashamed).
I’m not exaggerating. These “waterproof” toys did not react well to the juices of my vagina. They broke down after about 9 months of solid use (not even in bathtub, much to my disappointment). Sometimes, they died immediately. Sometimes they held out for an extra month or two. For me, it was a yearly routine. Dick broke, so I picked up Victor. Then it was Richard (because I’m not clever), T.K. (named after my Digimon crush), and Slimer (because it was GREEN).
Now you might be saying: “If this toy had so many negatives, why did you recommend it at ALL, Indigo? You know, you can give something a zero if you want. It’s YOUR review site.”
You’re right. I absolutely fucking CAN give anything I want a zero. But despite the overwhelming negatives, there are also positive traits to this toy.
First of all, the colors are really great. I picked a new one every time, including Yellow, Orange and Green, which are all hard colors to find in the sex toy industry. I get tired of Pink and Purple being the only choices. Though I like both of these colors, they come with annoying connotations, and I like rainbows the best. Why can’t I just have rainbow everything?
Second, the controls of this toy are simple and intuitive. There’s a wheel that starts turned entirely counter-clockwise. If you turn it clockwise, you can feel a click and it turns on. With every click, it gets stronger. At it’s strongest, the vibrations were impeccable to my inexperienced vagina. However, looking back, I notice the memories of numbness that are often associated with “buzzy” vibrations, as opposed to “rumbly” ones. This is indicative to how low my standards were at the time.
Thirdly, the price is incredibly accessible. I bought mine as a stupid teenager looking for a new sensation. 13 bucks was easy to find from my weekend job, and getting to the Spencer’s to buy it was both easy, and discreet. I just went to the mall with my friends. My mother never thought to look in the black bag.
As a first-time vibrator, this line will always have a special place in my heart. I loved that first one with all it’s Orange-y goodness. The ones that came after did not disappoint those low standards. However, we must all grow and learn. After many years of supporting Pipedream, I can no longer condone their work. Please don’t buy this piece of novelty crap.
As a side note, I also bought this bullet from them as well. It’s strong enough to get me off, and I generally pair it with some kind of dildo. Again, I do not support Pipedream, but this was my first use of a bullet and it served me for that purpose, I guess.

Indigo Tries The Butters Raw Honey and Cocoa Butter Lubricant

7 out of 10
Would recommend if you like coconut oil as lube, or if you prefer lube from a jar.
Pairs well with a Maitai. It’s got some coconut happening, and the syrup-y feel almost seems like an after-taste.
I was sent this lube courtesy of Peepshow Toys!

They also sent some samples so I could share! :3

When I was approached, they asked if I was interested in reviewing a lube they have listed until the “Anal Lubes” section. Since I have such an affinity for sticking things up my butt, I immediately responded “Yes, please!” and it was sent.
I spent about a month testing this lube in various orifices with various penetrative utensils. I used my boyfriend’s dick, all of my toys at one point or another. Though it says that it’s not safe for condoms, I did use a condom for anal once (I’m fluid-bonded to my boyfriend), and we had no incidents. That said, PLEASE DON’T USE THIS WITH A CONDOM. I’m only liable for MY not listening to instructions. I am not liable if you do this.
These came in simple jars with no sealing, which I love because the environment is important! That orange label seems to be designed to be removed, because I did and underneath, it had a really elegant, and less-eye-catching black jar underneath.
Now when someone walks into my room, they aren’t like “What’s in the BRIGHT ORANGE JAR?!”

I immediately opened the jar to take a whiff when it arrived. I have to be honest, that dampened my enthusiasm a little bit. It smells an awful lot like plastic some how (though the company says it should be honey and cocoa butter), and the texture definitely looks like vegan butter. After looking at the ingredients, there are some similarities between this an vegan butter (yesssss #foodplay).
But, I wanted to give it due discourse, so I lubed up a toy and I got to work the first day. It smears on easy enough, but I do have to be honest: I don’t think jar lubricants are for me. I have a hard time getting the product out without having oily hands (which I hate). Well, let me back track. I can’t get any product without having oily hands unless I dip the TOY into the jar. This is fine if I have just one toy or if I start with it lubed. I have a tendency to make my own lubricant pretty well, so if I try a toy and THEN decide I need lube, I either have to get oily hands or contaminate the jar. THE. WORST.
But what does it feel like, you ask? Well, it actually feels real good. It goes on solid, and spreads around…like butter? This was a great way for me to work out my food fetish, which is definitely a thing for me, and definitely NOT a thing for my boyfriend (sadness). As an actual lubricant, it’s great. It slides on nice, and the toys feel real good going in. I also feel like I use less of it than my other lubes because a little goes such a long way. I saved two sample jars for me (for those contamination moments), and I still have both about half full.
This is a really great natural lube, with minimum allergens in it. Though I have no allergies, I think it’s important to speak on what The Butters has done. They have made an all-natural, allergen-free lube (and other products) that works really well, and is very efficient. This is really important to have on the market because Sliquid can’t be the ONLY natural lubricant out there.
However, I have one problem with this lube, aside from the jar form. I don’t love the flavor. I used this for a blow job and at first, it tasted a little sweet, but then I noticed that it has a lingering taste to it. It’s almost chemical to me, but it may be just the taste of oil that I don’t like. It should be said that the oils used here are also ingredients I find in vegan butter, which also has a weird taste to me. Other folks do not mind these tastes in vegan butter, which leads me to suspect I have something in my palate that makes me not like the taste of this lube. You might think it’s wonderful (or at least more neutral).
Overall, this lube is really great, and I would recommend it highly to anyone with allergies, or who likes vegan butter (whyyyyyy). It remains a firm 7 for me, though.

Indigo Tries Woodchuck Cider!

10 out of 10
Would recommend for anyone who likes sweeter drinks.
Across the nation, folks who attend Renaissance Festivals enjoy cider of some kind. Over at the Maryland Renaissance Festival, Angry Orchard is the brand of choice. However, at many others, Woodchuck is the go-to. It’s mentioned by several bands in the Renaissance circuit.
Of course, the most common style of Woodchuck Cider is the Amber. It’s marketed as the first cider Woodchuck made, and it’s known as the best if you’re looking for something “basically just cider.” I’ve said similar things about Angry Orchard Cider, which I reviewed in February. Between the two, I feel that you get the best sides of hard cider. I’m finding it really hard not to compare the two.
So let’s start with the Angry Orchard experience. Crisp Apple is exactly how it sounds. It’s sour and acidic. It’s a kick in the face with a deep smooth apology and a strong taste of apple. The aftertaste is where I live with Crisp Apple. It’s a little unfortunate that the best taste is in the last moment of a sip. However, it’s a little easier than beer, so if you have a hard time with hops, this is still a great alternative.
On the other end of the spectrum, Woodchuck has a very strange, but wonderful bitter taste to it as you first sip it. This bitterness is only a contrast to the smooth sweetness of it’s full taste. It lingers in a beautiful mix of apple, and possible honey or molasses. Woodchuck is a smoother ride than Angry Orchard. If you like sweeter drinks, or syrupy things like grenadine, this is the choice for you.
All in all, my personal favorite of the two is Woodchuck. I finally finished the battle that was started so many years ago. We had both ciders and no one could agree which was the superior one. I was still too new to cider to really have an opinion. And everyone else was too drunk to really make a decision that night, but I have my decision on this night. Indigo likes smooth, sweet drinks. As a result, Woodchuck is the winner.
However, it doesn’t have to be the winner for everyone. Some folks prefer the acid of Angry Orchard. Sometimes, even I want a drink that isn’t so sweet. However, my sweet tooth will usually prevail, and I will prefer Woodchuck Amber to Angry Orchard’s Crisp Apple.
I have another flavor by Angry Orchard in my fridge right now. How will that compare? We’ll have to wait and see.

Indigo Tries Long-Term Relationship!

8 out of 10
Would recommend highly if you like this sort of thing.
Pairs well with a good cider. Any kind will do, but you know it’s been there for you in the past and will be in the future.
This could also be called Monogamy: My Love Story. I have always been a monogamous-minded person. It’s been a truth in my brain that I would commit my life to one person since I was a young human. I never really dreamed about weddings as I grew up. Instead, I dreamed of honeymoons. I pictured myself climbing slopes of Scotland with a beautiful lady. I imagined being in the arms of a tall, dark man in a hotel in India. I visualized my partner and I on a tour of catacombs in Egypt.
It’s probably safe to say that I’ve envisioned myself with a number of different people, body types and settings. I always pictured one at a time, and I was never picky. A few of my friends believed that meant I was polyamorous. They said “You don’t have to settle for one person in life. You can explore.”
And this is where I differ from polyamory: I never see monogamy as settling. I look at spending my life with one other person and it feels like a privilege. This world is full of fascinating people. I meet them every day and get to know them in a platonic way. And when my day is over, I come home to the same person I did yesterday, last week and I hope every day in the future. Every day, I learn some little thing about him. And things I already knew make me smile even more.
As a child, I didn’t have a lot of stable people in my life. The folks who stayed around lacked logic and I was emotionally lost more often than not. I asked everyone I met to stay in my life. Not out loud, of course. But in my own silent way. Every year, I had a new best friend because every year, they moved away. I didn’t begin to date people until I was 20 because I didn’t trust anyone to stay around long enough to get attached. My first boyfriend became a nightmare that I still occasionally deal with. (That’s a story for a different day.)
Finally, I found a human. I had been on the dating app Plenty of Fish for about six hours when I received a message that seemed innocent and harmless. He used a few pick-up lines on me (which did not happen often, even on dating sites). About an hour later, I shared my phone number so I could text him while I was at work instead of you know, working.

Damn, this line was good.

We talked like this all week and finally met in person 6 days later. We shared bubble tea. We shared a walk, a kiss, a make-out session on my couch. We kept seeing each other whenever we could, including abandoning my family Christmas party early (sorry, fam). He came to visit me as I traveled out of town. (The logistics actually made me closer to him on this trip. Geography is weird.) One week after that, we spent 7 days snowed into my apartment playing games. Two months later, I returned from a long trip out of state and said “I love you.” It was the first time I had said it to another human romantically.
It’s now been over a year. We’ve met each others’ families and moved in. He’s held me while I cry. He’s gently prodded me out of bed for breakfast. He’s comforted me in times of self-doubt. I’ve tried hard to do the same for him. We found a rhythm in our little corner of world. And with him, I’ve been able to find what I love. From the security of my trust and warmth in this relationship, I found the dreams that I had buried a long time ago. They’re different now. But they are still good, and he’s making them better every day.
OOPS NO FUNNY. I just wanted my cupcake to know I love him. Have this picture of my sexy alabaster legs as re-payment.
They might even be shaved! WOO.