Indigo Tries Gläs G-Spot Tickler

10 out of 10
Would recommend if you enjoy orgasms and fun.
You can buy it from my friends at Wicked Butterfly.
Pairs well with a classy red wine. Such as Elk Run Sweet Katherine. It’s smooth, sweet and it finishes great.
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This was my first dildo. I had owned many vibes before, especially of the straight, insertable type. I was reading a review of another glass dildo, and I said to myself “I don’t own a dildo, and glass sounds REALLY cool.”
The review I linked above is a really great resource for learning how to use all the potential of a glass dildo. Particularly, it mentions the temperature play. You can take a glass dildo and dip it into cool water for a nice contrast to the vaginal heat. Or you can dip it into warm water for a nice warming sensation through the loins.
As a warning: Be careful with these. If it’s too hot or cold, the sudden temperatures could create very bad problems for the sensitive skin. I said WARM and COOL. Don’t just dive into HOT and FREEZING. In addition, if you warm or cool glass too quickly, it will crack. I’ve never had one break, and I’ve sanitized them with boiling water multiple times. Just be careful how it heats up.
If you are worried about glass breaking from being inserted or dropped, just don’t be. It’s extremely strong glass, similar to the basically unbreakable Pyrex glass.  I have dropped this dildo on many surfaces, and it has not scratched, chipped or been marred in any way.
Which is the next thing here: Glass is also a very unforgiving material. It will not allow any room for extra thrusting, or bending. As a result, if it’s being wielded by someone other than you, give them a maximum length of insertion. For my boyfriend and I, he slowly inserts it until I say stop. He knows this point is the deepest that the dildo can be inserted before it causes me physical pain.
Additionally, as someone who clenches mid-orgasm, I have also knocked this into my pubic bone more than once. I have survived these episodes, thank the gods. But that did not make them pleasant or more fun. How I suffer for my art.
With all of the material discussion out of the way, let’s talk about shape.
Oh my god, everybody. I LOVE the shape of this toy. I have deemed this dildo Onya* because it felt right. She is a joy to use every time. That little hook is perfect to reach in a grab my g-spot. I can thrust gently or fast thanks to the smoothness of the shaft. It’s about 1″ diameter in all places, which means that (for me) there is absolutely no need to warm up, or (for me) use lube even, because my natural lubricant is usually enough.
*I sometimes personify my toys. I’m sorry but I love them. Please don’t hate me, it won’t happen all the time.
I did not realize that orgasms could be this good, or even that I could ejaculate as a person with a vagina. With Onya, it is effortless. Because this was my first dildo, I’ve been lucky. I can squirt (or gush, as my boyfriend says) with surprising frequency. I would guess it’s because as long as I’ve been shoving substantial items into my vagina, I have been shoving them into my g-spot. As a result, it’s easy to find and stimulate.
If I pair this with my widest butt plug, it’s a wonderful combination, as the plug pushes the dildo further towards my g-spot.
If there is one complaint that I have about this toy, it’s the base. So many glass toys use a base that is a simple glass bulb. It is round and symmetrical by my hand. When I use any lube or ejaculate, it gets extremely slippery. It’s common for me to pull the toy out and realize it’s turned sideways or even upside down, and that’s the reason I haven’t orgasmed yet. I pray to the gods of sex that one day, I will find glass dildos with loops, hooks or anything else for a handle. It’s not a problem for straight toys, or ones with stimulation on all sides. But for Onya, it’s a break in the rhythm of my sessions to pull out and say: “Oops, sideways again. Let’s flip you over!”
Overall, this is the best sex toy I own, besides my boyfriend. I go to Onya for all of my best solo sessions. She has provided relief countless times. Usually paired with a clitoral vibe.

Indigo Gives Valentine's Advice

10 out of 1o
(Clearly an unbiased review of my own advice. See disclaimer at the end of the post.)
This advice pairs well with alcohol. Lots of it, any kind.
Well, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! I always love to watch people scramble for last-minute reservations and ideas. But I also feel bad for people who say to each other “We don’t care! It’s just a stupid day!” And then at the last minute, they realize they will look like a jerk if they don’t get something and you’re stuck with $5 chocolates and a reservation at McDonald’s. So here is my advice to make Valentine’s Day really special for that someone in your life who makes you all hot in the loins. (Also, get that checked maybe.)
(If you aren’t a person who likes Valentine’s day, that’s cool! This advice could be used to just make a nice Tuesday.)
1. Put on a fresh pair of pants. Now, this seems like it should be a no-brainer. But I know my audience. You walk in the door, and take off your pants to air out immediately so you can wear them several days in a row, and when they smell in the crotch a little, you just put some Febreeze on it. It’s smart. It saves time AND money. But. You can’t do that if you want some delicious sexy time with your Valentine. Go and put on a fresh pair. At MOST, one day old. I know it seems like splurging because you don’t have a meeting in the morning and no one’s died, but sex will ensue; trust me.
2. Surprise them with a haircut. This one goes two ways. Imagine Valentine’s morning. Your love wakes up and reaches over for a morning kiss and suddenly your hair has gone from that classic hero hair into a buzz. Your lover is surprised, but loves the masculine way it suits you. Morning sex ensues.
2a. Surprise THEM with a haircut. Imagine Valentine’s morning. Your love wakes up and reaches over for a morning kiss and suddenly finds their hair has gone from classic hero hair to a buzz cut. They are surprised and shocked that you did this to them, but they love the masculine way it suits them. Morning sex ensues.
3. Set the bar low then surprise them with mediocrity. When you’re planning for Valentine’s day with your love, suggest things like “a romantic single rose,” and “a table for two at McDonald’s.” If you mention at least three times that you can’t afford champagne or a babysitter, they will begin to expect another night in where you watch Space Balls and try to get in the mood for obligatory sex. However, what you’ve been doing all along is planning to take them to the Mexican restaurant down the street. You have carnations and boxed wine in the car. They’re surprised and delighted that you planned so many romantic things, and the Mariachi band even played My Heart Will Go On. Sex ensues upon return home. Stud. Muffin.
4. Surprise your lover with a trip, and alone time. This one must be done carefully. If you mess it up, your lover may feel spurned instead of treated. I suggest you don’t tell them anything. Just go to the airport with a bag, and buy a ticket for wherever. Be sure you pack lingerie, lots of fun items and booze. However, before you leave, be sure to put some money on the table for a manicure or a nice dinner. With this precise execution, you get to have fun in Rio, and your lover will be happy to have a manicure and not see you! Sex ensues for you on vacation AND when you get home.
5. Surprise your lover with spontaneity! If you want to execute this one, start now. Make plans for a really nice dinner at a really fancy restaurant. Go. Break up with them. The day after Valentine’s Day, say you miss them and want them back. Use a boom box, or public announcement, or a poem to show them you REALLY mean it. They will love your new spontaneous personality. Make-up sex ensues.
6. Surprise your lover. This one is by far the best advice I can give. Using Pavlov’s rules, you can easily make your partner’s heart flutter any time they see you. All you have to do is hide around the corner and shock them as many times as possible. Soon, they’ll be conditioned to react to you whenever they see you. Instant love. Sex ensues.
Well, that’s all the advice I have this week/time/year. Be safe you crazy lovebirds!
Disclaimer: I do not condone cheating, nonconsensual haircuts, or emotional abuse of any kind. This post is satire on a holiday that is very often taken too seriously. Please enjoy a nice day with a lover and/or pal and participate in fun things.

Indigo Tries Angry Orchard Crisp Apple!

8 out of 10
Would recommend for anyone who likes refreshing drinks. Also serves as a fantastic substitute for beer.
Angry Orchard has it’s orchard in Walden, NY. However, it’s packaging plants are in Ohio and Pennsylvania. Tours can be booked at the NY location (can you say “dream vacation”). There’s more information here.
Angry Orchard has been a staple in my life for about 9 years now. I was 15 when I began work at my favorite Renaissance Festival. The drink found it’s way into many of the patrons who drunkenly threw Whiffle balls at the medieval Plinko I was in charge of. It was on the breath of every one who leaned in too close, and in the mug of every older guy who thought I was of legal age.
Later, it became my drink to order when I was on breaks or having a day off. It was the drink I was sent to fetch when I moved from games to clothes and got the coolest boss ever. It became the drink commonly spilled on the clothes and floor. It’s been in the background of almost every get-together I’ve been to in my adult life.
Angry Orchard has many flavors that I’ve tried, and some that I have not yet tried. This time, I am reviewing the Crisp Apple flavor, which is arguably the “base” flavor of Angry Orchard. It is typically found in 12oz bottles (sold in 6 pack, 12 pack, 24 pack, etc.).
The flavor of Crisp Apple is described (by Angry Orchard) as “biting into a fresh apple.” This description is actually fairly accurate. I am not a fan of Green apples, but drinking Angry Orchard is surprisingly close to taking a bite out of a Granny Smith. It begins quite tart and acidic as you take the sip. This transitions smoothly into a sweet middle taste. This is all finished by a very apple aftertaste that lingers with acid and sweet at the same time.
Personally, I find that I take many sips to finish an Angry Orchard (I’m a slow drinker). However, I swallow the sips quite swiftly to get to that aftertaste. The apple part of this drink is held almost entirely in the aftertaste somehow. I relish each sip in the aftertaste, and rarely waste my time holding it on my tongue.
However, I do love this cider. It not only holds nostalgia for me that I’ll never be able to shake. It also serves as a great alternative to beer when I’m out drinking with friends. It’s a universal drink that most if not all bars will have. If I’m not feeling adventurous, I can go for the cider and know that I’ll enjoy the drink.
“But Indigo! The real question is how does it feel in the morning?”
Well, there was this one incident that occurred during the Renaissance Festival where I became quite drunk and then sober over the course of about 7 hours. During this time, my Cow-Wife became a poop wizard with a hilarious drunken train of thought. I had started early, and finished my last drink at 3pm. By 7pm or so, with the addition of a meal, I was sober enough to drive to taco bell with from friends. I was fairly sober, but hungover and tired. I drove home and passed out. The next day, I was scheduled to go into work. I never made it.
I woke up that morning and I was ready to end it all. I was so depressed, I barely got out of bed. I managed to make and eat food at some point, but I was physically and emotionally wiped out. This had not been a bad weekend, or even life-changing. I was just so poorly hungover that I felt this way. As a result, I no longer get drunk from cider. I have one, two at most and then I stop. I never want to wake up ready for the end.
It is worth noting: Alcohol is a depressant, which is bad for someone WITH depression. So there’s that too I guess.
Overall, Angry Orchard is a staple in my fridge. It’s easy to drink. It tastes good. When I have no more than two, it’s going to be a good night. However, more than two and I know it’s going to be really rough the next morning. The only way that this cider could be improved for me is if I manged to process sugars better with hangovers.

Indigo Tries to Go to College!

0 out of 10
Would not recommend. Emphasis on the “Tries.”
Pairs nicely with Icehouse Beer. Because it tastes like empty disappointment, and it’s all you can afford now that a college has stolen your money.
Let me start with this: I absolutely hate college as an institution in this country. This post will not be backed by studies and all the things it should be, because it’s an editorial. That means these are my opinions, and NOT FACTS. However, they are my personal facts. And here are the reasons I hate college.
College is expensive for no reason. I really mean this. I have (as of writing this) paid over $500 just to enroll in the college I chose, and I haven’t even registered for any classes. On top of what I’ve paid, there will be $6,000/semester tuition (for a full time student), fees for all the of labs, the gym fee for a gym I probably won’t use, as well as books.
If I get a loan, then it will be expensive, with high interest rates and very little assurance that I will be able to pay it off before I’m 40. If I stop and don’t go to college, I have a hard time getting jobs because I don’t have a stupid piece of paper that says I have jumped through hoops. And so how can I get a job jumping through hoops if I haven’t proved that I can jump through hoops?
Books are stupid. Okay, that’s really not true. I love most books. But I hate with a fiery passion what college does to textbooks. Textbooks should be pure and clean. Textbooks should be worth what you are charged for them. Instead, college professors can write books, charge %2000 of the printing costs and require them for classes they teach. In one case, the local community college actually took a sociology book, slapped a different cover on it and hiked the price by 130%. Everything from the questions to the stupid little pictures was the same.
Whenever a “new edition” of a book comes out, it goes up to the $200-$300 price, and the older editions drop dramatically. This makes it hard to resell your books at the end of the semester. The editions aren’t even that different. Really. (I was recently corrected by a few biology and medical folks that these areas have different editions for really good reasons. I stand corrected FOR THESE AREAS ONLY.)
College makes you jump through stupid hoops. When I applied, I had to fill out every form just right. I had to send in transcripts a specific way. When I was accepted, I had to “accept enrollment” with my “enrollment deposit (of $400)” in hand. After I was accepted, I had to make room in my busy schedule for an 8-hour orientation. I’ve been to college. I have a degree. I’m not living on your campus. Just let me sign up for classes.
In order to skip orientation, I tried many things. I was going to be out of town for most of the orientation dates. As a commuting student, I needed to enroll for classes ASAP to have my classes in the right schedule, and my commute might not make me suicidal. So I tried early orientation dates, but they were closed because I didn’t have my $400 paid soon enough. I tried to skip it by having my advisor enroll me, but then they couldn’t lift the blocks on my account because “it’s a college requirement.”
One day, I went to two different offices, and finally found someone who told me who to call and what to do. I tried to follow those steps to the letter. And eventually, after hitting more brick walls, I said “Fuck it.” I marched down to my advisor, who told me to go to the Orientation Office. I was sick and it was the middle of the fucking winter. I walked across campus to this Orientation Office, and they told me to go to my advisor. I did what any sane person who was sick, had been run in circles and needed to solve a problem would do; I broke down into tears. They enrolled me for the first Orientation date on the spot.
In order to qualify as independent according to federal aid, you have to be 24. Full stop. No asterisk. No exceptions. If you’re 23, you need help from your parents. If you 24, you magically evolve into a broke person who suddenly needs help. Quick reminder: you’re considered an adult at 18 here in America. But apparently, those 6 years between are when you either don’t go to college or have mom and dad pay for it because…logic?
College doesn’t prepare you for as much as they say it does. There are obvious exceptions to this, like medical school. But let’s be honest; if you have a degree in Psychology, you’d better have a back-up plan like HR. If you have a degree in the arts, I hope you like teaching. And if you get a degree in theatre, you know about half of what you’ll need to in order to be successful in the field. I should know, I was a Stage Manager for 5 years. I made a living working my ass off in Theatre.
I came up through the unpaid ladder of community theatre. The graduated college students I would get out of theatre programs made me sigh. They didn’t know how to read blueprints. They hardly knew what a theatre ran on. Because college is a vacuum environment, and most theatres are not. They run on precise budgets and they are never run “the way they should be.” I would suspect this is true of many degrees. I could match their skills and surpass them without a college degree every time. Hmmm. That’s interesting, ain’t it?
College is like a set of bad parents. There are a few reasons I say this. Number one is the whole back and forth I had to go to. “Go see your advisor.” “Go see Orientation.” “Go see your advisor?” It reminded me strongly of what my parents used to say: “Go ask your Mom.” “Go ask your Dad.” The only difference is that I could give myself permission to play outside eventually. As an adult, I can’t break into the computer system and lift blocks on my registration. For whatever reason.
The other primary reason that college reminds me of bad parenting is the reason most people give for going back to college: connections. It’s that old thing that my mom used to say to me every day. “Go make some new friends.” “Go find some new people to hang out with.” I personally don’t need an entire institution to encourage me to make friends. Do you? Then you’re probably fucking 12. (Introverts, I understand how hard it is for you to make friends. But seriously, 12,000/year for a friend-making service? No. Just…no.)
In short, I would not recommend anyone try to go to college. You can make money outside of college in a lot of fields as long as you’re willing to start early and have an open mind. Do a lot of these fields suck? Yes. Are you still subject to personal stories (ie, racial difference, white privilege, etc.)? Yes. If you can afford college, and you know you want to go, do it. I hear it’s valuable. I just haven’t figured out why yet.
Please don’t let this jaded bitch kill your dreams. After all, I AM going back to college, right? Maybe there’s a reason. #hypocrite?